Woman Wants To Be Permanently Paralysed: Body Integrity Identity Disorder


00:02
COMM: Chloe Jennings White spends he days confined to a wheelchair. It’s tough to get
around and she struggles with living in the world that isn’t built for the disabled. However
Chloe is actually able to walk perfectly, and chooses to live her life like a paraplegic,
due to a rare psychological disorder called BIID. 00:22
COMM: Despite wishing she was paralysed Chloe still takes part in extreme sports like skiing. 00:27
COOM: BIID has led Chloe, a Cambridge University educated research scientist, to harm herself
in a bid to become paraplegic for real. 00:36
Chloe: I have fantasies about having a car wreck, and becoming paraplegic from a car
wreck. 00:42
COMM: Perhaps most shockingly of all, London born Chloe is on a quest to find a surgeon
willing to operate in order to paralyse her legs forever. 00:50
Chloe: I did find a surgeon in another country who would be prepared to do femoral and sciatic
nerve transections to paralyse my legs. It would be at least twenty five thousand dollars,
and I don’t have the money to do it. That’s basically the only reason that I’ve not yet
had surgery. 01:15
COMM: For her whole life Chloe has wished more than anything that she was disabled. 01:20
Chloe: From about ten years old I somehow got the idea to bandage my legs when I was
home alone so nobody would know what I was doing, I sort of fabricated a leg brace so
that I couldn’t bend my knee and walking around like that felt “Oh wow, this is how it’s supposed
to be.” 01:41
COMM: Chloe struggled to cope with her feelings. 01:44
Chloe: For a long time I had no idea why I felt this way about my legs. 01:51
COMM: Chloe began to get real relief from her condition when she started using the wheelchair
full time in 2008. 01:58
Chloe: When you have BIID, the stress is really intense. The first few friends I told I would
literally be shaking or, and crying even with emotion. I was not really living a normal
life before that, it was always in my mind, like, “I’m supposed to be paralysed!” 02:18
COMM: But while Chloe pursues her quest to have surgery that will leave her paraplegic,
she loves taking part in her favourite past time, downhill skiing. 02:27
Chloe: Skiing is essential to me and it has a lot of benefits for me in terms of BIID.
I ski very aggressively, if it’s a groomed run I will absolutely go as fast as I can.
My friends and family can get a little worried about me skiing sometimes because they know,
they know that I ski very aggressively, and y’know, they know it’s in the back of my mind
that I actually want to get injured. 03:02
COMM: To deal with the anxiety BIID causes her, Chloe sees psychotherapist, Dr. Mark
Malan as often as she can. 03:09
Chloe: The problem that I run into is that people make up these fantasies about BIID,
it;s like they say, “Oh well, you’re doing it to get disability benefits, you’re doing
it to get attention” and then you say “No, that’s not it” and they’ll come up with another
fantasy of theirs. 03:29
Dr. Malan: So it sounds like, just misunderstanding that a lot of what you’re having to do is
educate people about it. 03:35
Chloe: Oh education yeah. 03:37
COMM: Dr. Malan says BIID is actually very real. 03:40
Dr. Malan: It’s a psychological disorder that people have, where they desire to have some
sort of body modification, but it’s a sense that a person really wants to lose some sort
of ability that they have. 03:57
COMM: And like other BIID sufferers, Chloe’s illness has worrying symptoms.
04:01 Chloe: I have to admit any time I’m driving
I sort of conjure up accident scenarios in my mind where I would become paraplegic. 04:12
COMM: In 2009, Chloe really did crash, surviving a horrific seventy five mile per hour double
roll over. 04:19
Chloe: One of the things that was in my mind, after the car wreck was dId I do this deliberately
in order to um, y’know, be paraplegic? 04:33
Chloe: I couldn’t say for sure at that time that I had not done it deliberately because
I simply had no memory of, that. 04:44
COMM: Chloe’s attempts to injure her legs mean many of her friends and loved ones worry
about her. Like Dave Allen, a hiking buddy. 04:51
Dave: It’s scary for all of her friends y’know, including myself that y’know if she does,
y’know, she runs a huge risk that she could die doing some of the stuff she’s done in
the past 05:00
COMM: Despite her love of skiing and the challenges of confined to a wheelchair, Chloe is still
determined to have surgery that will render her paralysed. 05:09
Chloe: When I have that surgery I just know, it will be the happiest day of my life.

100 comments

  1. she spends her days confined to a wheelchair – right would be: She spends her days in a wheelchair when she feels like it and gets attention

  2. 2:15 did it not occur to the filmmakers that she is probably only skiing in the hope of having an accident that breaks her legs…

  3. This is beyond offensive!!! I am sorry that I say you want attention but it seems that’s it’s most likely true!!!

  4. i have a service dog , ah yes i love soooo much all the karen’s doing drive by pets and putting my life in danger if he misses a alert and oh yes when i faint and use a wheelchair and get looks and the awkwardness is just awesome ! seriously this girl is too sick and need to be off the road and put in a mental hospital

  5. We stop and treat various symptoms of diseases and mental illnesses that cause people to self harm; we prevent the harm. The fact that these people are being prescribed harm themselves, I don't believe. Their therapist should be discredited and be not allowed to practice.

  6. Wow. Just wow. I get this is a real illness, but i cant help but be offended. I'm a person who actually NEEDS a wheelchair. I'm semi ambulatory, but due to a neuroimmune disease I've lost most my mobility. I watch her in her chair, and then see her ski, and I cant help but be pissed.

  7. It’s so sad to see so many offensive and rude comments… she is SICK, she didn’t choose to have a condition in which her own brain has dissociated the ability to walk as being healthy. She’s just as much of a sufferer from a disease like anyone with anorexia, bullimia, bipolar dissorder or any other mental health dissorder. And who are you to blame and put a finger on her.
    And for those who say that this is disrespectful to people who are actually disabled, maybe think twice before smoking a cigarette, cause sure many people with lung cancer would love to have your lungs.

  8. I’m not paralyzed but have trouble walking and with daily activities after falling and completely shattering my ankle. I now I have multiple screws and plates. This woman definitely is offensive to those who are paralyzed or have life long injuries. We need to live with pain and suffering while she WANTS to inflict pain and suffering on herself. It’s very sad that she has this mental illness but to go and paralyze yourself when there are hundreds of thousands of people who wish they weren’t injured or paralyzed is definitely extremely offensive. Clearly she needs a better psychologist because this man seems like he isn’t helping her at all if she still feels this way and is actually looking to permanently paralyze herself.

  9. I think we can all agree there is some mental illness here. The problem is she is not truly paralyzed and is doing thinks like picking her wheelchair up and walking it down the steps and uh I don’t know skiing??? She’s having all the “fun” (I really am not trying to be offensive to those with real disability I hope I’m explaining myself properly) of being disabled like parking in handicap spots and skipping long lines but having none of the real consequences from disability. This sucks.

  10. conveniently doesn't know if car wreck was on purpose or not, yet has been over a decade having the obsession…
    SOUNDS LIKE SHE DIDN'T WANNA GO TO COURT

  11. Okay, so she says that "skiing is essential", but then says she wants to be permanently disabled- which would cause her to be unable to ski! So which one does she want to do more?? And you would have to know that if she had a surgery to be paralyzed that there would be an enormous chance of something going horribly wrong causing further and undesired effects!

  12. She needs a mental hospital. All the REAL disabled people this so disrespectful to them. She is cray cray, and Probably looking for attention!!!!!

  13. Its kind of offensive to paralysed ppl and ppl who are incapable of walking since some people only wish they could walk again and shes just throwing that away

  14. I feel awful for her and I really hope that she is able to get the help she needs. She really needs her license taken away in the meantime, though. That kind of attitude while driving is so dangerous to everyone on the road.

  15. I have compassion for her mental illness, but with all the help she’s getting her doctor should KEEP HER FROM DRIVING OMGGGGGG WHAT?!

  16. I live with chronic pain and spend most of the time in bed. I spend most of my salary on opioid pain medication.

    And we have this NUT that pretends to be disabled?

  17. People with BIID have a very specific means they want to mutilate themselves, often describing their feel as if you had an extra arm, as if their minds don't recognize part of their bodies. Not only she does not wish to be amputated but she seems to be acting as if she has random disabilities, at times walking with crutches and leg braces, others in that wheelchair, it just seems to me she just has a disability fetish and takes pleasure from acting disabled, not having a real disorder.

    Note: Although, if someone with BIID asked me about what I'd think if I had an extra arm, I'd just say that sounds awesome

  18. I think that she needs her head operated on more than anything ende. She beee psychological evaluation & counselling!

  19. Just trying to put myself in that mindset; being transgendered, all logic just kind of goes out the window. Being male or female both have definite cons, and trying to rationalize something that has no real reason except that's what you really want and feel like you need, is almost pointless. So if that's the kind of mindset then I kind of understand, but calling it "transabled" makes everybody in the lgbt community look weird. I'm trying to be as understandable as possible, because 30 years ago, we'd all be saying some of the same things about regular lgbt stuff. But yes, it dose make actually disabled people look bad to.

    Really, if it's a genuine mental disorder, and it's a craving that is there and is completely irradiation but is there and you can't help it, I fell kind of bad for people with BIID..

  20. This woman wants to be a paraplegic whilst I’ve been living a year without my gallbladder and I already want it back lol she’s nuts

  21. i'm so jealous, with BIID she doesn't need to worry about being paralyzed, i'd rather be like her than being a hypochondriac! i'm constantly worrying about having an accident or getting injured, the thought of it terrifies me a lot even though i'm physically safe most of the time

  22. She actually has more disabilities. They just cut that bit out. Go watch Gemma's video. "Wheelsnoheels" it explains everything.

  23. Ok SHE IS SICK what part for that do people not get? she can help it. if she wants to get ride of a her blessing let her. She is the one it's going to affect not you commenter.

  24. I understand the condition and believe it is real but for wanting to live like a truly paralysed person so desperately she is cheating a whole lot…
    She should start to try out living handicapped with all the consequences before thinking of damaging herself even more 
    Also stop driving a car

  25. Chloe appears/sounds transgender, so I confirmed it for this comment: It makes sense that one body dysmorphic/identity disorder might lead to another.
    While it's one thing to live as a woman, it's a whole other thing to live as paralyzed woman. Also, being a senior whose body is naturally slowing down is difficult enough.

  26. THIS IS A TOTAL MISREPRESENTATION OF THE WOMAN WHO IS THE SUBJECT OF THIS VIDEO. SHE ACTUALLY IS DISABLED WITH HEARING LOSS, FIBROMYALGIA, AND A SPINAL CORD INJURY. SHE CANNOT WALK PERFECTLY. SHE DID NOT CRASH HER CAR ON PURPOSE.This video was deceivingly edited for shock value, and Barcroft TV stabbed her in the back. It’s so unethical and disgusting what they did to her. I’m happy to say that Chloe has been helped tremendously by therapy and a lot of her depression and anxiety symptoms have improved. WheelsNoHeels did a great video with emails from Chloe explaining her perspective.

  27. Why would you want to be disabled? Like there's a lot of challenges to be in a wheelchair. I don't understand these people. That psychologist is making her entitled. They should take his license away. I have cerebral palsy and I never wished upon my worst enemy.

  28. Why doesn’t somebody just do her a favor and push her off a mountain 😌 boom, she’ll become paralyzed doing what she loved .

  29. fantasize about crashing her car, and the gov. allow HER to drive? she might injured others just to become paralyzed what a couak !!!

  30. no disrespect intended but this woman suffers of a mental disease!although university educated ,she never thought of training her brain to live in reality!!!!

  31. This honestly shocks me. My mother has suffered for cerebral atrophy for a decade now and wishes to atleast have a job. That is attention and straight laziness. Happiest day of her life until she comes across stairs.

  32. I’m sorry, but any doctor who would be willing to perform a surgery that ‘validates’ somebody claiming to be ‘transabled’ should have their medical license revoked.

  33. This is like those people that want Depression and Anxiety.

    I actually have GAD and depression, hate it wish I never had it.

  34. Chloe has been misrepresented in this video. Please watch wheelsnoheels video on what Chloe's life is actually like. She has disabilities that Barcroft has intentionally left out to make her look bad. https://youtu.be/jSJ5XhfIV9Y

  35. i can see why people are mad but then again you can’t be because she has a psychological disorder that makes her be this way .. so it’s not like she can help it

  36. As a disabled woman I am shocked by this a little because I wasn’t born disabled, believe it or not my problems started at school another child pulled a chair away from behind me accidentally because he wasn’t looking at what he was doing and chatting to another student, and I knew/thought the chair was there and went to sit down it was a solid concrete floor and I sat down with such a force that it jolted my spine, I think genetically I wasn’t right anyway because on my mum and dads side of the family there are a lot of different health problems anyway, for example my mum was born with slight scoliosis (curvature of the spine) and ended up with chronic heart disease and died of a heart attack in sept 2014 and my dad ended up with heart problems and he had chronic back problems when he was older and even had about 3 or 4 operations on his back over the years and he died in March 2014 of secondary bowel cancer, so at first I was shocked that a little accident like that caused so much pain and so many problems at the age of 15 yrs old because when we r young we think we will bounce back from anything, but I just didn’t, I was off school from the chair incident for about 2-3 months having to undergo lots of mri scans and lots of physio therapy too, then when I was 18 I was a passenger in a friends car and I didn’t put my seat belt on (totally my own fault) and she crashed into the back of the car in front so that further aggravated my back problems and I hurt my knee and hit my head in the windscreen I was very lucky that we wasn’t going fast at all, it was believe it or not the fault of the driver in front, she was actually behind us and she over took us dangerously and then once she got in front she slammed on her breaks and my mate couldn’t stop in time, my mates car was a wreck!, the woman got straight out the car moaning at me n my mate then ran across the road to a pay phone to call her husband me n my mate in agony slowly walked over to also use the phone and the woman had the audacity to ask if we had change for the phone and I know how soft my mate is and I said “sorry no we don’t, we got enough to make a phone call ourselves that’s it” she managed to make her call as she went into a shop we then made a call and slowly went back to the car,

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