99 comments

  1. I feel kinda gross abt how you labelled the “gendered words” section, like “lady bits” is gendered, not “vagina”. I feel like you could have expressed that better.

    I say this because I personally use more clinical words for my genitals in order to connect with the inherent genderlessness of them/ I feel empowered by the inherent genderlessness of the words regardless of what others seem to want me to think about my body.

  2. im so glad you made this video. im ftm transgender and my partner finds it difficult to understand about these things during sex. so thank you so much! i can actually show them this video and talk about it. ☺️☺️

  3. Question? Why is a cisgendered women and a non-binary person talking about transgender sex? Like couldn’t you get an actual transgender person who has experience talk? No hate tho just curious and deeply confused.

  4. Thank you so much. As a trans woman this really helped even with the inguinal canal. This was very intriguing to me even as a person who usually identifies as Ace but still unsure. I love what you do ash. While there are many queer friendly YouTubers, I find you by far the most educational and most helpful. I appreciate you so much!

  5. I really needed this. I love how educational and informative your videos. I have been working on and erotic novel with an intersex protagonist, and I came to this video for research purposes. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was talking about, and this video helped me out with the sex scenes. My main character is Tommy, a nail salon owner. He posed as a man for four years, and his lover didn’t discover he was intersex until years later during their first sexual encounter.. I basically wrote the dysphoria, the shock, then it went straight into a lesbian sex scene. You both now have a new subscriber. I love what the two of you are doing on your channels.

  6. im a gender neutral person but i dont experience very much dysphoria anymore (i present as masculine most of the time), and my girlfriend and i have no problems during sex, but i really wish i knew about this stuff in school!!! really awesome and informative video

  7. The first thing I learned from this video is that I’ve been pronouncing the word “dysphoria” wrong for years…😐

  8. When your not sure if your asexual or not and this is a really foreign/uncomfortably topic but you keep watching for some odd reason. Sigh

  9. I do believe the double tap is a shot in the head followed a shot in the heart. Sometimes called a "textbook execution"

  10. as a trans afab person with dysphoria I really love 4 in 1 packers/prosthetics like the classic from freetom or there are peecocks and different things like that, there's a textured area on the inside that touches your anatomy and rubs up against it as you penetrate someone and it's pretty great for me and probably would work for others as well, the only downside is they can be very expensive.

  11. Absolutely nothing to do with the video but when you said you were in Missoula I immediately thought of Twin Peaks.. Great video btw. Kudos to you for talking about this stuff.

  12. The idea of a double tap is going to help me so much. I too have such a hard time speaking up when I'm uncomfortable with something- EVEN when it's with someone I'm really comfortable with. Thank you, Ash. <3

  13. Love the double tap idea!!! It is totally so much easier than attempting to verbalize that something is getting upsetting

  14. I passed the video to go google what dysphoria means exactly when you had that pause moment in the beginning of the video and I came back and I was so angry at myself for googling it myself 😂

  15. This was the best video ever! I’ve always wondered the sex part just because ( Im bisexual and maybe even pan (who knows)) for me sex is important in a relationship and I’ve always wondered how to talk about sex with people that don’t indentify as men or women etc just because this all is so new to me with all the different genders and the whole new world in gender indentification, so the sex part is something I feel scared to adress just because I don’t want to upset or hurt anybodys feelings. But how to ask more info about how different people feel and experience things when you are worried that you might be rude. Difficult 🙈 but thank you for giving more info on this. This is what I needed in my life 🎉🎉🎉

  16. Aftercare is one of my favorite things. I have some trauma from past experiences, so when I use my safeword, my partner will basically "baby me" and make me feel comfortable again. Sometimes, I'll not want physical touch, but I'll want verbal stability. It's just something to use after/during sex for when you're feeling at unease. It's all apart of consent.

  17. You were in my neighborhood! Also, this is a fabulous discussion. I love the want, will, won't idea.

  18. As a trans-femme who recently started hormones I discovered and enjoy the inguinal canal option noted above both for masturbation and with a partner, it's certainly been helpful for genital dysphoria relative to various sex acts, but for me, it's the closest thing to getting my crotch fingered and feels pretty great when done right.
    As someone currently in transition, I'd definitely agree with the hosts that masturbation to explore one's own body and get a sense of what works/doesn't for both arousal and dysphoria is helpful, and fun!

  19. I think this is really important even for individuals who are not transgender or non binary. Their points at like 7:08 to like 8:08 really resonate with me because I'm a gay Demiboy(part male, part non binary) and for whatever reason I find the phrase/thought of 'getting wet' a huge turn on, even though I habe male genitalia so my ass doesn't actually self lubricate the way a woman's vagina does. I also am okay with the phrase 'pussy', which again, I don't technically have. Both give me a sense of willing submission, that just because were both males doesn't mean are bodies weren't made for each other, they we can fit like puzzle pieces and react and envelop each other the way heteronormstive culture says a man and a woman do.

  20. Like I've never really found words or terms I'm comfortable with in reference to my genitals. I know some words which really turn me off and make me uncomfortable. Like I think I prefer vague terminology. Like certain medical terms I'm fine with but in a medical or matter of fact context. Not in a sex context. It's kind of difficult to figure out. I'm hardly a virgin. One partner like used terms I was really uncomfortable with and it just like was a massive turn off and I had difficulty explaining that.

  21. These things are true for everyone. My late husband hated to have his nipples touched during intercourse. He just said, "I don't like my nipples touched."
    We all need to learn to talk to our partners. Maybe there would be less friction in all our relationships?

  22. Dysphoria can be visual, that is very true. However, dysphoria can also be experienced with your other senses as well. Hearing your own voice or the feel of certain parts of the body that is uncomfortable for you. As a low vision or visually impaired person, this is very true. The feeling of my chest can be uncomfortable and my feelings feel more acute. I feel more aware of what things feel like. My eyebrows or facial features feel to masculine or the feeling of facial hair. Or even hair in general. The way you walk or sit can be distressing. Even your smell can be triggering for some. But if you can see your body clearly, or even not at all, it doesn't make you invalid. So, if you don't have much vision, if any, you don't have to worry about that. I thought that way for a very long time before this. I hope I explained things clearly. Hope y'all have a great day. If you have any questions about this reply to this comment. I would be happy to answer any of your questions to the best of my ability. Much love! 💜

  23. You are stupid in taking the decision to remove your chest. You have a feminine instinct and do not change you stupi…

  24. Wow, I had no idea sex could be this complicated and difficult for some people, it's hard enough to develop and a skillset and learn someones rhythms without all of these physical constraints and negative thoughts. I is good that it kind of forces this conversation right away, as I've gone entire relationships without this conversation.

  25. Ash I'm a trans man and my partner and I were talking about having sex soon. I want to make it okay for both he and I but I've never had proper sex ed for dysphoria in the bed room so thank you.

  26. So me and my boyfriend have the insertables but after a while he'll get super detached from it and itll only remind him that hes trans and then sex is kinda terrible for him, is there anything I can do to stop that from happening or help when it does? I'm super lost

  27. I've heard that anal penetration can be a good alternative to vaginal penetration for people assigned female at birth, because literally everyone has that on their body.

  28. I currently identify as a lesbian(?) cis-female(?) and I'm 14 years old. If you asked what I identified as when this video was published I would've confidently told you I was a 13 year old bisexual girl. The main problem I'm having is whether what I'm feeling is dysphoria or if I'm just like thinking of the what if's and just simply thinking about whatever and not actually meaning it. Another "aarrrggghhh" problem I have is that ik femininity has nothing to do with being female same with masculinity and being male. Because I absolutely adore feeling masculine, mum let me get my hair cut super short(like a guys hair, hehe) and I feel so much more comfortable and when people ask what pronoun or preferred name I'd like makes me comfortable because THEY think I'm a boy but then see my hips or skirt(which I hate •-•) or even hear my voice and then are also confused of my gender identity. What adds to this problem is that I'm also comfortable with having female bits(the chest area isn't formed much though coz I'm a late bloomer so…) so, yeah, it's very confusing. My friend, Paige, has been really helpful just by talking to me, we've also agreed that she can try call me he/him and Louis(I might go by Louie instead though) as a spin off of my middle name, Louise, as I don't like any masc versions of Hannah, my birth name, so I kinda feel like a straight girl experimenting with lesbianism coz it's all so weird and different because I was raised as a girl and told to be feminine and now it's changed because I'm spreading my wings and flying in my own and I've found out I might be a special breed of bird. 😅😅

    For anyone who cared enough to read all of that, Thank You! and if you can, reply with some helpful info ttthhhxxxx. Ily

  29. im an enby (afab) and i've never heard anyone talk about bottom dysphoria during sex for nb people!! this is genuinely so helpful, I assumed I didn't even have bottom dysphoria because I wouldn't prefer to have a dick, but this whole time i've been SO uncomfortable about sex and i wasn't sure why (since I'm not ace). Holy shit this changes the game, lol

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *