This Is The Major Cause Of Depression | Marisa Peer


Marisa: One of the things that’s really, really
important to make familiar is praise and one of the things to make unfamiliar is criticism. And if criticism is familiar and praise is
unfamiliar guess what happens? I might say to you, “I love that talk you
gave earlier,” and you’re gonna go back, “It wasn’t very good, I forgot the best bit, and
the other bit was much better.” I might say to you, “I love that shirt,” and
you’re gonna go, “I’ve had it for five years, got a hole in it. I got it in a secondhand shop.” What are you doing? You’re making you don’t like praise because
it’s unfamiliar so you’re rejecting it and you are adding in criticism because that is
familiar. Who here does that? Anyone here do that? Okay, you got to stop because…yeah, because
I told you to. You’ve also got to stop…creative people
are massively suggestible which you’ve really got to stop. Because so this is the wrong way around the
major cause of depression are harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to yourself over
and over again. Scientists know this they’ve known it for
10 years. I’m gonna tell you that again, the major cause
of depression is harsh, hurtful, critical words that you say to you. So we know that praise massively boost your
self-esteem and guess what diminishes it? Criticism. Criticism withers people, praise builds them
up. But your own praise is more effective than
someone else. If I said to my PA, “Oh, my god, you’re indispensable
to me, I just love you. Could you work all weekend?” I have an agenda, but when you praise yourself
there’s no agenda. So I’m working with this novelist and he’s
really, really, very, very depressed indeed he’s right on the edge. And every time I say something to him like,
“Oh, my dad loved that film,” he goes “Oh, it’s terrible, the director got it all wrong,
the casting agent was wrong.” He cannot let in praise at all and his story. So when he was 17 he was in love with this
girl in his village, she was in love with him. His parents wanted to move 300 miles away,
he didn’t wanna go. And his girlfriend’s parents said, “You can
come and live with us because she’ll be heartbroken if you move.” And his parent said, “If you move we will
never speak to you again.” So he moved, they cut him off at the knees,
they didn’t even give him an address or a photo, they never saw him. He married this girl, had three children,
hugely successful and she died and her parents died in an accident and now this guy is alone
and devastated. And he finds his parents and he says to them,
“I’m all alone I just need you.” They were like, “Okay, look you’ve done very
well could you buy us a house?” Okay, “With a swimming pool,” okay. So he’s brought them this amazing house and
they are the most critical, mean, withholding people who’ve never praised him and his dad’s
died. And now he’s gone into this deep depression
and I understand that because he’s never got praised. So I’m talking about this missing thing and
I’ve said to him, “Listen, what do you want? What did you want your dad to say?” And I knew what it was, he couldn’t even say
it. So I put my hand on his shoulder and I went,
“You are a good son.” His shoulder started to shake, he started
to shake, he cried so much you couldn’t even hear me. So then I went, “Listen let this in, you are
a good son, your dad is never gonna tell you. The fact that he’s dead it doesn’t matter,
he wouldn’t say it when he was alive but you say it.” So I’m now making him say, “I’m a good son,
I’m a good son.” I can’t even tell you how it transformed him. So how many of you here have got a missing
part something some teacher, parent, ex-girlfriend, boyfriend, someone has never said to you that
you’d like to hear? And it’s all pretty much the same stuff: I’m
a good kid, I’m a loving person, I’m clever. You know, my teachers always told me I was
stupid and I let that in and now I don’t let it in. So and I thought I was hideously ugly too
but it doesn’t matter because you can change. So everyone close your eyes and you’re gonna
say out loud what it is you want hear, no one’s listening to you because we’re all doing
our own stuff. So I want you to say it, “I am…” say it
out louder and make it familiar. Okay, I wanna hear you say it louder. Together: I’m a good person. Marisa: Keep going. Together: I’m. Marisa: A good person, a loving daughter,
a fantastic employee. I don’t want care what you say, finish the
sentence, keep going. Together: I’m a good person [inaudible 00:04:41]. Marisa: I want you to keep doing this because
you’re gonna make the familiar unfamiliar. But now you’re all gonna say out loud really
loud, “I am enough.” Together: I am enough. Marisa: I am enough. Together: I am enough. Marisa: I’ve always been enough. Together: I’ve always been enough.

33 comments

  1. If you'd be interested in seeing the full talk, you can view it here:

    http://blog.mindvalleyacademy.com/happiness-and-positive-living/how-to-run-your-mind-for-phenomenal-success

  2. VERY Impressed Marisa! I love your view which aligns with mine and resonates deep within me. 

    I do have limiting beliefs and it's not serving me because I know I Can, yet still I have fear. I've been a major success and I'm doing t again now as a coach and speaker, but I do have that little question that creeps into my mind about if people will listen to me and it's been proven they do to me outside of my coach/speaker/author career.

    What makes us regress and doubt ourselves? That's my burning question to understand about us crazy humans 🙂

  3. Thank you so much, It resonates with me and found I need to say I am a good sister, I am intelligent, I am enough.

  4. od story from bible- adam and eve- and satan- to praise us- bible have another commandamends, Jesus comming sun to judge "gods", mercy on all of us!!! /// are you god? you have even collored hear! what god you are??? Any false god die- even you

  5. Never EVER forget that you are enough. How are you going to incorporate this affirmation into your life on a regular basis?
    Remember to watch the FREE masterclass to experience Instant Transformational Therapy with Marisa Peer 👉https://go.mindvalley.com/Uncompromised-Life

  6. Thanks for sharing. There is so much I would still like to hear but the only way to hear it is to sing it to myself and say it to others as I believe that when we share love we get it back

  7. When i had my spiritual awakening, the first thing i realised was I am enough, I have ALWAYS been enough

  8. Why do I feel so well whenever I listen to Marisa Peer? She always has the best words whenever life lets me down. How can I thank her for such kind words that boosts everyone's life.
    Thanks!

  9. Majority of the world is conditioned to believe in limiting beliefs from childhood to adulthood. It takes a lot of work (mostly inner) to rewire old limiting beliefs and turn those negative thoughts and emotions to a positive one. The world needs to hear this.

  10. I do a simple thing when I am aware of an internal/external criticism/fear/guilt/shame/condemnation/programming/anything-not-me.

    I simply declare…"I am released from that!"

    It's a shorter version of the following and I mean it fully when I say those five words:

    "I am released from ALL of that criticism/condemnation/programming! I am also released into ALL the AMAZING opposite of that criticism/guilt/condemnation/programming. And Retroactively! I AM ME. I AM Lord. I AM Divine. I AM Sovereign. I AM Human. I AM Free. I reiterate 'My Declarations' now. And 'The Script' upon me and this declaration."

    ["My Declarations" and "The Script" are personally written out detailed Declarations of Who and What I am and also My Authority for and Specifics of MY Intentions with regards to My Declarations. {We write lists for attributes we want in a partner, specifics in a task/job, predictions of future events (calendar), etc. These are merely mini-constitutions. Write out THE Constitution OF YOU and FOR YOU. Be creative. Bold. Specific.

    And Declare it often and especially as needed.}]

    If I struggle to believe it as I am declaring "I am released from that!" I then use the 7 steps of Belief Re-patterning (via Suze Casey ).

  11. healthy self praise, accomplishing goals, being present in each moment of life, self compassion for flaws and learning to say no to things I don't want…. have HELPED ME SOOOOO MUCH! these have been such major keys in actually developing real, concrete self esteem tysm!

  12. Those skin-tight pants are so distracting, I lost focus of the pabulum Ms Peer is dishing to the blank slates in the audience. Beside the fact that I can never believe, no matter how many of the 'motivational speakers' (motivated, themselves, by lots & lots of money…YOUR money)to whom I listen over the years, that people actually need some slick con artist to tell them the pretty things, some of us naturally know need be spoken by us, to ourselves (even if we rarely choose to do so), I could not stop staring at the shiny, tight pants on this mature woman, with the deflated tushy and wide waist. When will women, of all ages, begin to have THAT conversation with themselves – the one where they admit they don't have the kind of shape which belongs in skinny jeans?!!

  13. Whispering cliché, banal platitudes to yourself, will lift you out of your deep, dark funk and put your directly on the road to success and emotional well-being. Uh…be your own best friend and your own motivational speaker and save yourselves a wad of cash (which would otherwise wind up in this twit's tight hip pocket!!). hehehe You guys are all enough! 🙂 Now…pack your bags and leave Awesomeness Fest, immediately…the fact that you spent lots of $$$ and traveled, all the way to an event called AWESOMENESS FEST, will, someday, be a memory which will be the source of much embarrassment. BE STRONGER than that…along with the feely-touchy, safe space, 'mah feelings!' talks with yourself, you also have to kick your own a$$ into gear. Sometimes you've got to practice tough love on yourself. People and thinking like this, childish rubbish, are making people weak and unable to thrive during periods of REAL strife. In some instances, that is the AIM, as with the liberal lefty Democrats in the US…and they are succeeding, with dreck like this being spoon-fed to CHILDREN in public school and in our universities.

  14. I love this Woman so Much. I needed this today. Everything she says really describes me. That Very negative inner dialogue. I just find her perspectives refreshing and raw. Exactly what I need today.

  15. Anything that comes after I am….. is an invention of self…..must keep reinventing with positive, meaningful beliefs…life is the fuel.

  16. ❤️Marisa Peer. Always gives invaluable advice, simple, practical and to the point. Wish I discovered her years ago.

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