The Gender Tag by A. Wylde

Hi everyone, my name is Ashley Wylde and
welcome to my channel, Ashley’s Wylde Life. Today I’m going to do a video called The
Gender Tag. The Gender Tag is something that I came up with when I realized that
I wanted more conversation around gender, gender expression, and gender experience
in my life. I decided to come up with the tag – a set of ten questions that anyone
can answer – and my hope was that The Gender Tag would spark conversation
about gender so that we can all kind of understand each other better. If you want
to know more about The Gender Tag project in general, I have a link below
in the description where you can check that out. And if you want to make your
own Gender Tag video, I have the questions written out also in the
description below. Also, if you don’t understand any of the words that I use
in the questions, make sure you check out the explanation video because that’s
really going to be where those definitions can be found. Krep in mind that all of these questions
are challenge-by-choice. Take what you want, leave what you want, add what you want, remove what you want. The purpose of the video is to talk
about your experience with gender, so if something is on the question list that
you just don’t feel is important, skip it. This is about you. Alright,
let’s get the ball rolling. Question one: I self identify as genderqueer, or more
generally as nonbinary. What that definition means to me is that my
internal experience of gender, in my head, it doesn’t match what I understand to be
the experience of feeling like a woman, and it doesn’t match what I understand
to be the experience of feeling like a man. So I don’t feel like that either of
those binary genders really apply to me, and nonbinary is the way that I
identify. Question two: I am honored by the pronouns she, her and hers, and the main reason that I go with those is that those are the pronouns
that have always been used with me, and I don’t feel a strong draw away from them. Pronouns for me are particularly
problematic, but those are the ones that I prefer. Question three: I most often wear men’s clothes – clothes
from the men’s section of stores. I like skinny jeans, I like shorts that don’t go
above the knee by very much, I like crew neck collars. I don’t really like
anything that that cuts down. I would describe my style as masculine, but
lately I’ve been kind of wanting to play with it a little more. I’ve been
interested in, like, wearing leggings, or wearing a little bit more, you know,
cutely-cut tops, and just kind of experimenting with androgyny and and
gender-bending. So having elements of both masculine and feminine gender
expression in my outfits, because… I don’t know, I think it can be fun. And because
it’s not done Um… widely, and so it gives me a lot of
room for creativity which is super enjoyable. Question four Obviously I have short hair. I cut my hair short in 2011, four years ago and I haven’t really looked back since then. I
definitely prefer it short. With shaving, I don’t shave my legs. I haven’t shaved
my legs consistently since junior year of high school so at this point, I’m kind of- it
doesn’t bother me anymore, but it was definitely an adjustment period. My
armpits and I have an interesting relationship. There was a period of time
where I stopped shaving them, but then I had to be in a swimsuit around other
people and it made me uncomfortable and then I was like, “Ashley, challenge that.”
You know. “The patriarchy. Don’t let the man get you down.” But I still shaved them
again. So I’m in the process of negotiating that. I don’t really know how I
feel about my armpits to be honest. Question five: I very rarely wear make up. When I do it’s just a little touch of mascara. And
lately it’s like, once every six months. Whereas it used to be more like once a
week. I’m definitely moving away from that. I
have painted my nails, but I don’t like to. I actually just super like the way that
nails look by themselves. I think if it was up to me I would probably
just buy the body wash that costs like a dollar at the grocery store, but my mom
always gives me body wash on like Easter, and Christmas, and like pretty much every
opportunity. So since my senior year of high school I have never run out of Axe
bodywash, because my mom’s always giving me more before I actually run out. As for
perfume, I wear cologne. I wear Polo Black by Ralph Lauren. I’ve been wearing that
one since as long as I can remember and you know, that works for me so I’m not
changing it. Question 6: People are always surprised when I answer this
question with “every single day.” I mean if I leave my house, I’m misgendered. It might be in a
fast-food restaurant, or in a park, or when you’re passing someone in the
hallway and they just say, “excuse me bud.” I’ve gotten away from letting it bother me,
but I do talk about being misgendered at length in my video, Is that a girl or a
boy?, which I’ll place a link down below. Question seven: I used to answer “no” to this question,
which I think is actually really interesting. But recently I came upon
this paragraph of information on a website called, and the
paragraph really reframed dysphoria for me. That really stuck with me, because I have always
said that the reason I am androgynous is because I just am trying to express myself,
and that is how it comes out. And when I really think about it, things like not
wanting to wear form fitting shirts come from a place of not liking the shape of my hips. And things like only
wearing sports bras instead of regular cupped bras, come from a place of wanting to
obscure the fact that I have breasts. When I look back at when I first started
dressing in a more masculine way, I realize that that was the impetus. That
it was about obscuring parts of my body from public view that I wasn’t
particularly comfortable with. I’ve been doing a lot of unpacking in that realm,
and for me those are parts of my body that I’m becoming more comfortable with,
but it’s still on a personal level. I still don’t want to share those parts of
myself with anyone that I’m not intimate with. In other words, I still want to have
a public display of my physical representation, while being comfortable
with what my body actually looks like underneath. And that’s something that I’m
working through right now, but something that I’m still unpacking. Question eight: Children are one of the most important
things for me in my life. They’re one of my biggest goals. I
desperately want to be a parent. As far as the things that traditionally fall
under being a parent, none of them are really important to me.
What’s important to me is the ability to raise a child, and to nurture and love a
child as they grow into maturity. I don’t really care if I carry the child
or not. I’m not particularly interested in carrying a child. And I think that the
raising of a child, the family might look different than what people are used to
for me. I’m open to adoption. I’m interested in things like surrogacy, but
I don’t necessarily have a need to pass on my own genes. Children? Absolutely.
The rest of it? We’ll see I guess. Question nine: Financially I am interested in being in a
household where all adults are contributing to the financial situation. I don’t care at all if I would
make more or less than anyone I was involved with. What I care about is that
everyone is expected to contribute. I’m not uncomfortable with people paying for
me, but sometimes I can start to get uncomfortable if I think that someone is
paying for me out of pity, or out of obligation. If someone wants to pay for me
as a gesture, to be nice, because they want to, that’s awesome. But if their motivations
aren’t as clear, sometimes I can get a little iffy about that. And I like to pay
for dates, uh, but I’m equally comfortable splitting them, or having the other
person pay. And lastly, Question ten: The main thing I want to share about my experience
with gender is that it’s always changing. If I had made this exact video a year
ago, it would’ve been different. Like I said, I just discovered that
paragraph of information about dysphoria last week, and that’s something that I’m
really thinking through only now. My experience with gender is ever-evolving,
and it might be true that none of this information will be relevant for me a
year from now. That’s what I want to express. I’m interested in gender, and the
experience of a gendered life, because I know from my personal experience how
widely varied it can be, even within one person. And I’m really eager to see how
varied it can be among people of all kinds. I’d like to remind you that you do not
have to be queer, or straight, or cis, or trans, or male, or female, or nonbinary,
or white, or black, or any other kind of person to make a video talking about
your experience of gender. I want to hear from people and how they experience
gender as an intersection with all of their other identities. So if you want to
talk about your gender, do it. It’s not qualified by any other identity that you
may or may not hold. I absolutely cannot wait to see all of the amazing videos that I hope will come from this. Thank
you all for watching. Buh-bye!

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