Suicide & Losing Someone – psychology, ptsd and depression with Kati Morton | Kati Morton


[Ding noise from a bell] Today, we’re gonna talk about dealing with death by suicide. I’ve heard from many of you that you have unfortunately lost loved ones through suicide, so let’s talk about it. [Intro Music Begins] [Intro music continues] First I want to push you over to a video I did probably a year ago about grief and grieving. You can click over here and check it out if you want to learn more about the grieving process, because today’s video is specific to suicide and obviously everyone’s grieving experience is going to be different. It’s gonna feel different to everyone. If anything that I can talk about personally, is that when I lost my dad the grief that I felt would change all the time and it would also come up at the weirdest times. Like everything will be fine and then all of a sudden, I stumble across something or I think, “oh, I should give him a call” and I would feel like shit all over again. It was terrible! So know that your grief and grieving process is your own and there’s nothing wrong with it. For the sake of today’s video, we’re gonna talk about the three ways that suicide is different. The first is the stigma around it. Not everyone is comfortable talking about suicide and different cultures and religions have different beliefs around it. And often when we’re struggling with the loss of someone through suicide, it can feel really isolating because we may not have anybody that we can talk to about it openly and honestly. The second, and I think one of the most difficult things that I’ve heard from you, is needing to understand why. Did we miss the signs, did we do something to cause it, was there something more we should have done? The questions go on and on and on. It can be so hard to not have the answers and not have a way to get the answers we may never know. And I honestly believe that this is what can keep us in the grieving process longer, when we lose someone to suicide. So give yourself time, reach out for help and talk to someone about it and know that it’s okay to be stuck in this for a while. And the third way that suicide is different, is we can have really mixed emotions or complicated feelings about it. We may feel abandoned, we may even be angry at them, not to mention what I just talked about feeling like maybe we’re to blame. And this comes on top of all of those other quote-unquote Normal Grief and grieving processes and thoughts. And so this can really add to it and at times make it feel really overwhelming. When we lose someone to suicide, unfortunately, that then puts us at an increased risk for suicide. So if you find your mind going there, if you have any thoughts of suicide, even if they’re passive, if they just come and go, please reach out for help. Please start talking about it. Join a grief group. Those are sooo beneficial I can’t tell you how much that’s helped me and others who have lost loved ones. Whether it’s to suicide or not. Know that there’s help out there, and you deserve so much better. It can get better! Often we just have to start talking about it. And for any other of my beautiful “Kinions” out there, can you please leave in the comments some positive information and support for those of us out there who may be struggling? That’s the wonderful thing about our community is that we can come together and support of each other and help each other feel better. And if you’re new to my channel, click here to subscribe and if you want more videos about suicide and about how to prevent it yourself or for someone you love, click over here, and I will see you next time.

100 comments

  1. ooopphh, suicide is so hard. Thanks for talking about it Kati. My little brother committed suicide in 2001, he clearly had mental health issues and it wasn't his first attempt. All of us went through all the feelings you described, anger, relief, was it our fault, what could we have done differently, why didn't we do more? Even though it was only 15 years ago the stigma around seeking help was even greater. My brother feared being labeled which also prevented him from seeking the true help he needed. I'm extremely grateful that I was a dozen years cleam and sober and had the tools to be able to reach out for help and to be present for my parents as they grieved a loss that I hope to never experience. Brian

  2. It's said over and over again, but it is so so important to remember that we all grieve differently. After losing a dear family friend to suicide, I would get so frustrated with myself when I couldn't go back into his home or when I couldn't sit around and laugh about old memories with others. To me, it looked like everyone had moved on and accepted what had happened after a couple of months and I was just sitting in a bottomless hole trying to dig my way out.

    It may have taken me 3 years to get to a point where I could celebrate his life and remember him joyfully, but I got there. We all get to that point differently. There are no two people that grief looks the same for.

  3. I lost someone to suicide over 9 years ago. It's awful. I don't know if I'll ever recover. It's such a huge loss and especially that asking why part. So many questions.

  4. This comes very timely as I am actively suicidal. Sadly going to the ER has never helped. All they do is keep you waiting for 4 hrs and then send you home. 🙁

  5. I have attempted suicide several times due to frustration in life and not seeing a way out. I was only thinking of myself when I did it. Now I realize the impact it can have on others and how it can change and scar people indefinitely. I finally realized that each time I feel depressed it's because I'm not focusing on the gifts in my life—mainly one: the GIFT of LIFE. Appreciation of this incredible life that we have all been granted, wherever we are and into whatever situation we have been born is something we desired so much before we were even born. A bit hokey but I sincerely believe this and life is getting so much better for me the more I appreciate it. All of it. Love to you all. Stick around. Find something good, even if it's just the fact that you have food or clothes or parents or the internet. It's all such a gift. Enjoy!

  6. I lost my best friend to suicide. It was awful. 19 months of grieving. I first grieved the way he died. Then I grieved his death. Suicide for the survivors is like you are super close to that special person and they pull the pin on a grenade and you are hit with terrible emotional shrapnel.
    The pain does leave eventually, but I did not get help. Looking back I should have gone to a therapist.

  7. Ahh thank goodness for this. I've been battling depression and anxiety from my friend taking her life almost 4 years ago. I've been wanting you to make a video like this for so long. Thank you!!💕

  8. I'm only 12 and I lost my dad this past January. My mom says my dad had a drug over dose and said no more about it. I think my dad meant to over dose. He was acting strange all week and he had the "typical" suicide thoughts. I really want to ask my mom about because I have suicide thoughts sometimes and I feel like I have the right to know. I'm the youngest in my family so my mom thinks it's better to shelter me from this, but really it could help me with all the stress I have about my own problems. Does anybody have any advice to talk to my mom about this or should I even as my mom about it?

  9. it seems weird to say but why does it seem like the majority of people find it acceptable for assisted suicide but not suicide in itself ?

  10. #1 is very true, and people try to write it off as selfish, or selfless, or their head was just messed up with the pain of a chemical imbalance

  11. I just want to leave a comment here to let everyone know that it DOES get better. I almost lost my ex boyfriend to suicide and it was hard to constantly worry about him and I did blame myself for a while, but we worked together to get him help and he slowly found himself in better places in his life. I want everyone to know you CAN reach out and I'm actually a part of a non profit called Crisis Text Line where if YOU feel you're not being heard, or you need to vent and talk to someone or if you feel someone else might be in danger of themselves-please do not hesitate to text anything you're going through to the number 741741. Counselors are on around the clock, 24/7 to be there for you and listen and support you in what you're going through.

  12. You're an inspiration I want to be like you when I grow older but given that the school is long I don't care if I get to help people in someway just like you

  13. I'm struggling bad I'm going through abuse with family friends relationship I'm miserable I'm to point where I'm considering hiring a hit man to take me out I'm miserable I hate life I have no life my therapist won't listen to me they just listen to my abusers and just put me on meds and try to put me in mental hospital I'm only 19 but I don't see life getting better anymore

  14. I myself struggle with the thought of suicide and even attempted a few years ago. I won't mention how I tried but just knowing from family how the doctor's fought to bring me back and me laying in the ICU made me feel guilty about a decision that I almost didn't come back from. I know others that struggle with thoughts but are afraid to talk about it due to judgement. there is a funeral for a young man this Friday because he took his own life. I'm grateful that I made it through but wish I knew then what I know now. talk about your thoughts with someone you trust, grieve when necessary, don't put a time limit on your pain and know that whatever storm you are in…it will get better.

  15. hi..recently I watched a video on violence and death and it's not going away from my head..i am having terrible nightmare and I feel detached from my regular routine..how to get over with these things?

  16. Thank you <3 I lost my dad to suicide a couple of years back and the grieving process for suicidal deaths has never made me feel so alone. Thanks for helping me understand it more!

  17. I know someone who committed suicide by hanging. He was only 22, always had a smile on his face was so full of energy.
    It is always difficult when losing someone. How we remembered was by going up to the top the mountain near our college and letting 100 red balloons into the air.

  18. This helped me so much. Last March I lost a real good friend of mine due to suicide. Currently I was talking to this girl for the past month because we got into a huge argument. This left me super depressed because the last thing she heard from me was negativity. Since I've dealt with suicidal thoughts myself. It was a thought that came up again. When I went to my friends I talked to them about having this thought and wanted to due it the same way my friend did it because it made me feel I would be able to see her and apologize. When I got down the road were I actually wanted to I took my anxiety meds to calm down. They ended up calling me and said if I didn't stop thinking those thoughts they would call the cops. The morning after they all stopped talking to me as well as one who blocked me. Thankfully I was leaving for vacation and was able to distract my mind. To this day it hurts to think about it however I've been surrounded by many many new friends I've created who have been helping me. I've been battling depression for 4 years and I'm finally at the point were I am starting to feel like myself.

  19. I lost my dad and uncle to suicide in 2014. i am extremely suicidal. told my doctor that i self harmed and wanted to end it. he gave me 3 boxes of pills (i needed more anyway) and sent me home

  20. My boyfriend, who I loved desperately, shot himself almost a year ago. The grief is worse than I ever could have imagined, the pain never goes away, that person will always be gone. But you learn how to cope with it in better ways. It never really gets easy though and I miss him every day

  21. I think this is why suicidal people pull away and isolate. I fell into a long, dark depression a few years ago. Pushed everyone away, thought it would be better if they all hadn't heard from me for a while in case I made that decision. Ended friendships, stopped answering my messages, didn't engage in small talk except with strangers, for over a year trying to keep every new person at arm's length. The weirdest thing was I didn't feel lonely. I felt relieved that I wasn't feeling guilty, but later, after I got help, a few people told me how hurt they were that I let go. I still haven't gone back to most of those relationships because now that I know this is a potential problem for me in the future, I thought it would be best for them not to be too close to me anymore. I don't ever wanna put them through the stigma and self-doubting questions if I ever go "there" again. The more I love someone, the less I wanted to be around them, and it wasn't their fault.

  22. I have a question! Do you lose diagnoses? I was diagnosed with GAD, PTSD and depression originally, but now I have been officially diagnosed with BPD (it's been a long time coming) so my question is, do I now have four diagnoses? Or do the others go away when I get an umbrella diagnosis such as a personality disorder where depression and anxiety can be symptoms and PTSD is commonly the cause. Are those three just assumed when you have a bpd diagnosis? Thanks!

  23. i wish it didn't hurt
    i wish i didn't matter
    i wish i didn't care
    i wish i was happy
    i wish i had money
    i wish i was pretty
    i wish i could sleep at night
    i wish i enjoyed my life
    i wish i could just enjoy food
    i wish you were there
    i wish you meant it
    i wish i was different
    i wish i lived somewhere else
    i wish i didn't exist
    i wish…………………………..

    ——————

    Believe in yourself and all that you are.
    Know that there is something inside you,
    THAT IS GREATER THAN ANY OBSTACLE!!
    Life matters no matter how shitty it is now.
    You deserve a good life so fight for it.
    There are ppl who help you.
    You can beat it.
    Love you.

  24. For anyone who is struggling and thinking no one cares or is there for them, just know that I care and I love you❤️ stay strong, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.🌷

  25. the two best books are
    # 1. Joan Rivers Bouncing Back I've survived everything… and I Mean Everything and you can too! and
    #2. Grieving for dummies.

  26. I had a friend who passed away a few weeks ago. I don't know if it was intentional he fell from a cellphone tower he really enjoyed parkour so him climbing up a cellphone tower wasn't surprising but the fact that he was found naked made it seem slightly intentional. How sad I was about his death made me feel upset at myself because I was able to see how much someone could have an impact on your life, and I was upset about my previous suicidal thoughts.

  27. Your videos are largely very helpful and informative. But this video is incredibly disappointing – a 3 minute brief discussion is not enough for the severity of the effects of losing someone to suicide.

  28. Great video! I used to have suicidal thoughts every day about 9 months ago, and I felt like absolute shit. I really wanted to end my life and just dissapear, and I was relatively close doing it twice. And I didn't want to tell anybody, especially not my family. But one day my older sister asked me what goes on in my head and my what my thoughts are. I didn't want to tell her, and I said that. But she persistent, and just sat with me for maybe an hour, just silent, and then I squeezed it out of me. It helped a lot and I think that was when I finally started to get better. Today I feel great, I've had a quick recovery I think, and I like life and think about the future and not about death.

  29. I lost a very good friend to suicide. He was found on New Years Day a few years back, I don't think NYE wil ever be a purely happy experience for me now, I'm usually fine then I'll have a little moment of grief which passes.
    There were no signs that we knew of, he was successful at school, typical 'popular kid, super good athelete. Then he was gone. Left no note, just laid out his best suit.

    It does get easier to forgive the person and process the emotions. For me it's ongoing but talking really does help, for me it helped to write everything down. Even if no one read it, it wasn't in my head clouding me.

    This video was helpful, wish I'd found your channel after it happened, I feel I would be better dealing with it if I had!

  30. I have sought help for suicidal ideation before, it's a joke. Either they want to medicate me out of my mind or they want to strap me to a gurney and stare at me for 48 hours to make sure I don't die on their watch. Actual 'help' seems to be permanently unavailable. Personally, I've found the best way for me to deal with my SI is to keep my mouth shut and just try to survive on the basis that too many people rely on me for me to die. (Actually, that's probably what stops me from being crippled by my depression as well. Seems I survive for everyone else's benefit rather than my own.)

  31. Hi Kati, what is your opinion of medication? My past 2 therapists have advised me to give it a try but I really want to be able to do this on my own (I'm scared I would depend on them)

  32. This really helped me. I lost my cousin to suicide and it still affects me even though it was three years ago. You helped me to understand that I should talk about it to my psychologist. Thanks Kati!!

  33. I thought this was awesome kati im a mental health youtuber now . for somone that has struggled with suicidal ideation this has really helped the only thing that scares me is going bald there

  34. I lost someone close-ish just over a year ago, and it hit harder than what people would perceive to be normal, because my twin sister attempted a few years back. I had never told anyone, and dealt with it by believing that it would never actually happen. It's scary to admit even to myself how real my own suicidal ideation is, but I've come to be more at peace with my friends death because I know how hard I have to fight sometimes to stay okay, and I have to believe that she was fighting even harder.
    Hope this perspective helps someone

  35. Really great video, I lost my uncle to suicide 10 years ago and it was just such a horrible time. I was devastated that he wasn't here anymore but also so angry at him for doing it. x

  36. My Mother knew she was dying and kept it hidden from me. I have tried to talk to therapists and the first one told me I had a horrible mother, the next one tried to convince me a white witch was in the hospital with my mother. I guess my message is don't give up looking for help. Last week I had some very dangerous thoughts but I'm fighting them with self care. Hang in there and please don't give up. Be kind to yourself xo

  37. I recently survived a suicide attempt, but I feel even worse then before. I feel bad about hurting my family and friends. I feel worse for upsetting my dog. I feel lost about the events leading up to my attempt, and I feel horrible that I survived. I know there is no "normal" way to feel but is there a reason why I still wish my attempt had worked?

  38. I didn't lose my best friend to suicide, but it still impacted my life tremendously. I developed a deep depression because of this, and I still fight everyday. I just want to let others that are grieving know that you need to take your time to process everything, to feel everything, and for the love of god you NEED to let out your feelings. Bottling them up will only kill you inside. Please reach out to a friend, a counselor, a therapist, anyone that will listen. You aren't alone!!

  39. Hey Kati, can you do a video on – how ADHD can affect teens in school. Also, what types of medications help, and the side effects of these medications?
    Thanks!

  40. Lost my friend to suicide. I would do anything to hold her in my arms again. I have emotional breakdowns at random times. I feel guilty for not seeing the signs and for not expressing how I really felt about her. Never got to tell her how I TRULY loved her. Six years on and I will never forgive myself. I am to blame for her death, because I didn't see the signs and help her.

  41. #katifaq hey kati, i've been working through some trauma from when i was younger involving my childhood best friend. I think i was overly dependent on her and additionally, she was fairly abusive. Why is abuse almost always talked about in the context of caregivers or romantic relationships? is there anything particularly different about friendship abuse or toxic friendships that makes it such a hushed topic?

  42. Lost my dad to suicide when I was 3. It hovered over me like a dark cloud for over 20 years. In 2015 I was at my lowest, I was suicidal, ended up in the hospital for two weeks. After I came home I revisited the unresolved grief. I never understood why he would leave me like that until I was there too. And thanks to my dad I know that's not the outcome I want for my own life. I'm fighting, tooth and nail to live and want to live. I understand my dad probably thought everyone would be better off without him. It still hurts me to know what that feels like and to know he was in that place too. Acceptance is hard, but once you start getting there things fall in place. Thank you for making the video, it was accurate and helped me know I'm doing the right thing.

  43. Hey Kati,

    Does recession PTSD exist?

    I experienced first hand the recession and literally feel panicked about the recession happening again. How do we prepare ourselves to cope with something that is completely out of our control?

  44. A very close friend of mine committed suicide around this time last year. She had asked for my help, but this time there was no amount of words that could help. I miss her every day and I am angry at her and myself. But all I can do is go on each day with a void in my heart. It's getting harder, but what can I do.

  45. a close friend of mine actually committed suicide yesterday due to bullying so this video couldn't have came at a better time. I'm having a hard time dealing with it because i feel that I could've done something. I love your videos. xoxo

  46. #KatiFAQ hi Kati morton ..can you tell the difference between behaviour and personality..npd y it can't be behaviour disorder

  47. We just voted yes on Poposition 106 in Colorado for medical aid in dying. Obviously this only applies to terminal illness. But the reason I'm passionate about it is because the Right to Die movement challenges the stigma you spoke of, not just about suicide, but about death in general. Death is (and ought to legally be) just as much a personal right and choice as survival is. My grandfather did not have a terminal illness when he committed suicide. In my own personal grieving I was never angry with him, but rather understood that only in unfathomable circumstances would someone do what he did. My only regret was that the stigma is such that he died alone, in secrecy, with no one he felt he could confide in, and we were not able to comfort him, be with him or say goodbye.

  48. my dog job got very hard recently the two dogs are on 2-4 different meds and one of the dogs meds is completely finishing but the other one has 14 days left if not longer (this wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have to bust out 5 hours a day at least with my normal job for vidcon hotel)

    thx for this ha bisky vid

  49. To my 3 sister to my 2 cousin and to my 3 friends. Even though 7 of you have died years ago and my cousin last week i will always miss you girls !! you where my rock my world xox

  50. Thanks Kati! I lost my fiancé to suicide two months ago… I feel I am to blame because I broke up with her a week before she did it. Though, I know I'm not at fault it's still hard to fight with the feelings that come up when I think of her.

  51. This video, and your channel, are so helpful. I am really interested in psychology and I suffer from anxiety. Your videos are super helpful and positive. Thank you for making this channel, it was such a great idea and I love seeing your videos. Have a great day 🙂

  52. I believe the suicide should be legal and people should have the option of having their lives terminated humanely without pain under anesthesia!

  53. I lost my dad to suicide and found his body when I was just 13. I'm 20 now and still grief every now and then. I think I'm going to get into therapy to work through the feelings I've pushed away. I'm going to school to become a social worker now to help those who have gone through what I've been through. I am so glad you're making these videos. Thank you so much Kati

  54. I am a suicide attempt survivor with bpd. It does get better with time and effort
    My mental health caseworker killed herself. I thought it was the end of me…it was not

  55. My mom committed suicide 4 days ago and I feel so lost. This really helps. I've been watching you for years Kati and I'm so grateful.

  56. never had a friend in my life, then i get a friend and then he kills himself. i always make the wrong choices. im feeling worse than when i was wishing for friends.

  57. Hi Kati. Here goes… My mother, father, and closest aunt all died of Oxycontin or alchohol overdoses in the year 2012. I was 26. 2 were deemed accidental, and my father's death was a suicide. I feel very ambivalent about their deaths. my life improved greatly when upon all 3 deaths because our maladaptive, codependent bonds were severed; however, I feel very betrayed and cheated. I'm still astonished that such a tragedy really happened to me. Good memories of my parents in childhood are clouded by haunting trauma, and neglect. Although Dad had always been a terrifying drunk, my mother and aunt had become people I didn't know at all. Since those last few years had changed my mother and aunt so much, I struggle to recollect good memories even though I know they're there. How can I begin to work through such complex grief? regular grief groups and advice helps, but I feel there's no one who can relate to the extreme circumstances of their passings. Do you have any journaling ideas?

  58. Hey kati. I lost my cousin to suicide in 2014 and I still find that I’m in pain… I’ve never felt so bad.. I’ve resorted to self harming or self wounding, and I find that it releases that pain.. I also have told my therapist this. I find that I get lost in the thought of suicide most of the time.. when I’m stuck in that period of time, it’s really bad. I’m hoping you see this kati. I could really use the advice..♥️♥️♥️

  59. I am so, so, so glad this channel exists AND really grateful that Kati doesn't allow negative comments on here. I'm pretty sarcastic about a lot of stuff but not suicide and I don't make jokes about mental health issues as I have suffered from horrible depression since…probably it started when my parents died, four years apart when I was eight. It doesn't help that both sides of my family have severe depression, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, trauma…so, thank you so very much Kati, for this channel!

  60. I used to make plans for suicide, ironically after I started therapy in 1990. My therapist was dredging up a lot of sh*t and I come from a family that didn't talk about emotions except to sneer at them. Thankfully, I never went through with any of those plans but it was a near thing. What keeps me from suicide now is that I am slowly building my reputation as an abstract painter, learning guitar, playing drums, AND I have a wonderful wife and a cat I love. Do I still suffer really bad bouts of depression? Yeah, unfortunately. However, they don't last long and I can sort of sense when they're on their way and take extra care to keep them from sending me into a tailspin.

  61. She would make a great MTV host. It seems like she is making entraitaining announcement, her tone n energy. Too bad she is talking about such of topic…

  62. My husband did it I was only 25, Im still cry, his family turned there back's on him only two family members will talk to me, (I lost my second husband in war soon after) I can't get past my first husband 24 years later I cry, I've lost many in my field, now its just me, idk what to do, no way am I taking medicine . I help others, I can't get past losing him, this past week was the day it happened, for some reason it hurt more than ever

  63. I lost my uncle to suicide last year
    Before this happened I've had Suicidal thoughts every Day
    Now I still have Suicidal thoughts but I know that I can't do it that short after it even though I want it so badly. I always think that it's not okay to do it.
    It even ruined my birthday because the funeral was one Day Before my birthday.
    It's so hard and I still don't even want to believe it really happened

  64. I lost both (and only siblings) to suicide in 2000 age 22 and 2010 age 34! I have struggled all my life with it, yet I’m still here and they are not! I’m alone no friends or other family except my kids and a niece. It has been 18 and 8 years and one day this past July it hit me they died. Feels like I’m just finding out! This is hard!

  65. I lost my mother to suicide 3 days ago. I have no idea how to cope. I knew she was mentally ill but she never got the help she needed. I’m glad you’re doing this. It’s helping more than you ever know. ❤️

  66. How is my suicidal ideation not just grieving myself? Going through the stages of realizing that my worth has drained and deciding to let go of it and just let the end be?

  67. 10 years today my partner took his life and next month will be 6 years since my son did the same..In the same way. Some days I'm a jellyfish and Some days I'm a lion. Miss you forever Chris and Pete.😪

  68. I lost my Girlfriend to suicide 5 months ago. She shot herself with my gun in our bedroom while i was in the livingroom. I heard the shot and found her there. It's been 5 months and my world is always dark. Suicide sounds appealing to me now. I have no one, my friends stopped talking to me once i went through this. I lost the apartment, the deposit, the bed (she died on it and drenched it with blood and brain matter), the livingroom furniture (no where to store it). I live with a family member who is a full blown alcoholic. My only son has been moved 2,000 miles away. I dont have one positive thing going on in my life. I honestly dont care if I live or die anymore. Tried the "support groups" it didnt help. Tried grief counciling all they wanted to do was give me drugs.

  69. Suicide leads to death, even if we do not commit suicide , we will die, so if outcome is same , why is suicide wrong per se

  70. I miss my friend. She was high on drugs and had a gun in her house and got into an argument with her wife and just decided to do it. I don’t think she meant to it was just the heat of the moment. Her wife just recently died from a heroin overdose as well. It’s so tragic it doesn’t even seem real. She was a tattoo artist and did some of my tats. At least I have her art on me for the rest of my life.
    Can’t wait to see you on the other side Kris.

  71. I lost a friend to sucide a couple of years ago then thoes feelings came back because my little cousin committed suicide this year and a friend of mines just did yesterday I feel so sad but I am able to hide my emotions but it hurts so much because you always wonder the question as to why … I'll never understand but I also feel selfish thinking that way .. May Everyone who lost someone they loss to suicide find peace within themselves to move on

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *