Splitting & Borderline Personality Disorder

– Hey, everybody. Happy Thursday. Now today’s question is all about borderline personality
disorder and splitting. Now if you don’t know what BPD is, I would encourage you to
watch some of my older videos about it so that you get an idea about what I’m talking
about, because today’s video is specific to splitting,
and the question is, I’m just gonna read you what they asked. They said, what is splitting in BPD, and how can I stop it? Can you please do more
videos on splitting and BPD, how to figure out when I’m splitting and when the person in
question is actually toxic? I thought this was a wonderful question, because I hadn’t really
thought about it that way. Now, when someone has
borderline personality disorder, they tend to see people
as all good or all bad, meaning that someone who is
good can’t make a mistake, and someone who is bad
cannot be kind or thoughtful. Relationships are seen
kind of in a black or white or all or nothing. They kind of get caught up in that feeling and thinking that people
are either gonna hurt us or they’re only going to help
us, and there’s no in between. Now, what I find interesting
and kind of ironic is that people who are in
relationships with people who use splitting as a defense mechanism tend to see the BPD person as horrible, hurtful, and just bad. It’s almost like splitting causes a self-fulfilling prophesy
or is self-sabotage for the BPD person. And honestly, that just really sucks, because by separating
people out like this, making people all good or all bad, those with BPD could think that they’re protecting themselves. We know, I’ve talked to many of you and even patients in my practice. When we’re doing this, we’re doing it because we want to protect
ourselves from getting hurt or feeling abandoned. If you don’t remember, one
of the main, I don’t know, I guess like a pillar of BPD,
one of the main symptoms, is fear of abandonment,
and so if when someone does something that we find hurtful, they’re all bad and we get rid of them, we’re protecting ourselves, right? We’re preventing them from abandoning us or hurting us further. And so if someone shows
some of those bad signs, we get rid of them. We end that relationship right away. But what this actually ends up doing is pushing everyone in our life away and leaving us isolated and alone, and it can be really really hard to notice when we’re doing it,
and even harder to stop, and this is really
important to understand, because in my experience
my patients always talk about how splitting, you know
once we’ve put a name to it, ends up causing more self-harm urges and hatred for themselves,
because if you remember much of BPD is anger in. Even though a lot of people
tend to only want to talk about the anger outside of it. But it really goes both ways. So the sooner we can
recognize our urge to split and manage it, the better
it’ll be for everyone. Now, aside from learning some
emotion regulation techniques such as check the facts or using HALT, hunger angry lonely tired,
to reduce our vulnerability to our emotion mind and
we could do impulse logs to slow our responses to any upset, the real trick to beating
this is just to know when you’re doing it. Get better at recognizing
when you’re triggered and when you want to split
someone into all good or all bad. So now to really dig into
this specific question, how do we know when we are splitting and when someone is actually
toxic and a terrible friend? The answer, be a detective. Notice if you’re using
words like always or never and then look for evidence
to argue against the thought. Have they really never been there for you? Are they always hurtful and rude? Actually think about it
and see if you can come up with some evidence to support
another way of thinking. If you can find that evidence, then it’s quite possible
that you’re splitting. If you do see a pattern
of them harming you, treating you poorly, and lying, et cetera, then they may just be toxic. But to dig in to what I
was talking about before, recognize when you are triggered and work on becoming
more aware of the things that hurt you and trigger
this defense mechanism, ’cause that’s what splitting really is. So is it when you feel put down? Maybe when you feel ignored? Overlooked? Start paying attention so
that you can get better at recognizing what it
is that upsets you most and causes these black and white thoughts. That way, if we find
ourselves wanting to end a relationship, we can check in to see if we’re just triggered,
or if they really aren’t worth having in our lives anymore. I hope this helps, but as
always, feel free to share what has helped you in
those comments down below. Do you have BPD and you’re
able to manage the urges to split people? Let us know in those comments down below, and I will see you next time. Bye! (soft jazzy music)


  1. I just got done with an 8 week IOP program focusing on DBT and these skills. I feel like I have such a better understanding of these words and how to be aware of myself and my BPD. Thank you for continuing to share all of this, Kati! DBT really is a lifesaver.

  2. I’ve destroyed every relationship through splitting. There’s only so much people can take, and regardless of the good times, the bad times are the only ones they remember

  3. Hi Kati , thanks for the video , how do you know if you are splitting or just protecting yourself from a narcissist. They can so often put up a false facade , just so they don`t have to face the truth and then do stuff to hurt you behind your back , or just lie straight to your face ?
    Take care , I hope you and Sean have a happy and safe Labor Day weekend , Gary  XOXO

  4. I split people when I feel like they are abandoning me or using me. I don't even realise it until way, waaaay later and I think "hmm, I haven't spoke to so-and-so in like a year..oh yeah, thats why"

  5. Hi Kati my name is Harry and I was just wondering if you could give me some guidance. I feel lost and empty and meaningless and alone since I was about 13 and I think I need help. I’ve hidden my feelings for so long that no one can even tell how sad I really am. I’ve never told anyone this but here it goes, I’ve nearly killed myself twice now I’ve even wrote a suicide note and I remember I planned a day when I was going to do it and I planned how I would do it and I stopped my self as I just had to believe that I can live my life better and that everything will get better in time. It’s been over a year now and I know that’s not true. I’ve moved schools 2 times now due to bullying and I’m still being bullied but I don’t won’t to leave because every time I do it only gets worse. I told the people at my school that I was bullied and outcasted and now they use this to laugh at me they’d say “at least I wasn’t bullied out of my old school.” I don’t want people there to know what I’m going through because I’m afraid. Last year a boy tried to kill himself at out school and when the news got out people found it funny like it was a big joke. People that go to that school acts like they are friends but will remind me of how worthless my life is and that I’m better off dead they hurt me as well. I’ve built walls around me because I’ve been hurt for so long and I haven’t let anyone in I can’t cry anymore no matter how sad I am and I think it’s because I’ve taught myself to to hide it all. There isn’t a person who hates me more than me. I’m ugly, short, skinny, talentless and good for nothing and I pretty sure that I could be bi and if that gets out around me I’ll be disowned by family and ‘friends’. This summer I’ve blocked myself away hidden in my room and I don’t want to see friends because I’m scarred that they will reject me like everyone else I find it hard to go to public places because I’m scarred that people will judge me and my appearance. I have been so pessimistic about everything even my exam grades that everyone tells me are so great but I truly couldn’t care less. I’ve been told that both my mum and my dad have depression and that I am to blame as they are so ashamed of how worthless I am. I have been drinking to make feel myself better but I need real help and I can’t ask my parents they would use it as gossip. My mum does it all the time she talks about me to people even those who aren’t friends so they can pity her I’ve heard it she even bullies she about my appearance that I’m too skinny and that even my sister and my baby brother has bigger biceps. I don’t know if I can afford therapy though as I am only 16 I don’t even know if I can have it with out my parents knowing. I really need your advice on what to do before it’s too late and I have no reason to live. I’ve noticed that I’ve stopped caring about things I used to care about: I love to play video games as they are an escape, the only thing I’m not useless at. The only thing I enjoy. But my parents say it’s useless that I’m addicted they take it off me. But recently when they don’t take it off me I just don’t play I just don’t care anymore. I’m so jealous of people that have such big friend groups and that have each other’s backs no matter what but I feel as though it’s a sight through a window that I can never get to have but only look at. When there are no people around and I’m left to only my self and my mind I listen to music or asmr so I can concentrate on it and not think about my self. Because when I do I just make myself feel worse and worse. I’m always tired. Emotionally and physically even if I haven’t done anything all day. Please help me and tell me what to do. Harry

  6. My sister has BPD and traits of ASPD but I notice her splitting isn’t a consistent thing probably because I’m family she’s not only going to categorize me and that’s her final thoughts on me/ that’s all I am. Instead I find it has more to do with her mood and if she hasn’t seen me in a while I’m the best but after days of being around me I become the enemy

    Note I’m often seen as the enemy because I took attention away from her when we were children because I was diagnosed with an ASD so she got less attention from my mother because I needed more support till I reached my teen years

  7. Great video, I could have used this when I was younger and still really struggling with this! My issue with splitting was usually in the context of romantic relationships. As soon as someone I had feelings for suddenly showed sincere interest in me, I became completely disgusted by them and couldn't stand to be around them. It was really interesting, looking back at it. Intimate relationships where the other person showed no interest in me didn't cause the same reaction. Brains are wild. I think it probably was tied to some childhood sexual trauma that I've now worked through.

  8. I have BPD and the more i research it the more my past actions make sense. I struggle with splitting still but i try to remind myself that everyone has good and bad things about them. That they, like myself are human. Sometimes taking a step back and breathing helps it.

  9. I have BPD and I have gotten into the habit of just accepting that I'm over reacting and so I end up getting taken advantage a lot and I allow people to walk all over me and emotionally abuse me. I just feel like I'm worthless a lot because I feel like there is not a single person in my life that truly respects me.

  10. I was diagnosed with PTSD I used to and I say used to because I understand what your saying now. I was protecting myself against the whatever would hurt me or actually shock for me * I kept my split from everyone and suffered alone. I used to think I sounded like someone my family didn't like (at the time scapegoat child/ adult of 7 others) I thought I sounded like so many people. And actually it go so bad at one time I would record my voice somehow to just to hear I didn't actually sound like the 'not liked person of family' I hate to say this I did this the last time briefly when I was 50 years old. I'm I hope cured however I realize old habits die hard you know? For me though it wasn't you responsible for me I was silent completely about it. If I had opened up about it I would've have gotten something worse honestly * How I got out if it? I kept telling myself I was to blame and then told myself I had to do this and I did. I haven't done it for quite sometime now years . thanks for this Kati I was afraid sooooo afraid of people . Thinking in black or white is a very bleak life *

  11. While nobody in my family has been formally diagnosed with BPD, almost all of us show symptoms and tendencies of it. Your videos on the subject are incredibly helpful. Thank you 🙂

  12. Is it normal to feel abandoned by your therapist? I’m in the UK so get therapy on the NHS, my therapist of 2 and a half years just left, she assigned me to someone new. I’ve met the new woman before in group sessions but never had a conversation with her. Apparently my old therapist choose my new therapist especially for me, thinking we would click but we are so different. They both have very different therapy styles and I’m starting to wonder why I got assigned to her if she was meant to be “such a good match” . I feel I’ve just peen papped with the next available nurse. Is this normal? I feel I’m grieving a loss.

  13. can you talk about misophonia? i feel like not enough people know about it and it’s really hard when no one believes you when you first develop it. I hope that if more people know about it, less kids will go through what I went through in the 4 years i had it before i was diagnosed


  14. A no, for me splitting happened in a different way. I always wanted to know the TRUTH. Like there was only one truth in the world. So I'd ask person one for her opinion and then the second person for their opinion and if they were not the same, I'd get these people against each other with their opposite opinion. Because I didn't understand that people can have opinions and especially that the truth is not black and white. Anyone recognizes this?

  15. I needed this today. it's hard because even when I recognize it may be happening, I tell myself that all the times they were good to me, must be fake, they must have been faking it. Hopefully I think that way because of a betrayal by some family members, otherwise, boy do I sound crazy lol

  16. I was diagnosed with BPD in 2016, while I may recognize the evidence disproving my belief that someone is 'bad' or 'toxic' but it never feels like it can justify the feeling. Once I stop seeing 'good' I have a hard time seeing it again.
    Perhaps it's more of an issue with trust in general, but it is very difficult to give credit to the previous 'good' when all that you can pay attention to is the feeling of 'bad'

    It feels disingenuous to stray from the emotional outburst that labels a previously 'good' person into a 'toxic' one.
    Like one drop of poison ruins the whole batch.

  17. It probably doesn't help nowadays that media and politics actively seem to encourage that practice with any form of disagreement. The world has a mental health crisis, and not just on individual scales.

  18. I really like that your videos are insightful and really make me introspective. I don't think I have BPD but I do tend to see in black and white when it comes to friends – if they make plans with me and break them, I give them 3 tries….after that I am done. I just feel like my time is too valuable to be wasted on people that don't appreciate it or respect it. I will still talk to them and be hospitable but I will not make plans with them. I fell like sometimes I am being "fake" because I never tell them my feelings, I just hold them at arms length forever.
    Love you Kati!

  19. Omg IM TOTALLY SPLITTING … Kati i love your channel … My goodness ..
    Your amazing … This video definitely helped me reflect on my bpd

  20. If possible, could you go into more detail on social anxiety and the most effective forms of therapy for it and what we could do on our own to overcome it? Also, my therapist told me to work on my self talk. He didn’t really give me any ideas on how to do that. I’ve heard of people using mantras or saying positive things to themselves in the mirror. I’ve tried that, but don’t find it effective because I don’t actually believe them. How do I change my ways of thinking. I feel like it’s the social anxiety that leads me to be like, everything you’re saying is a lie and everyone else thinks this or that about you so you should to. I’ve never known a different way of thinking. Just wondering what are some things I can do to change that? I had to stop therapy because I can’t afford it and never got to discuss that with him.

  21. Kati,
    Is it common for a person with BPD split a single person into “bad” and then “good” (and back a forth)?

  22. Wow…I didn’t realize that this was something not everyone did. I think of most everyone negatively and I have actually been becoming worse. I have always cut people out of my life easily and rationalized it by making them a villain. Lately though…It’s been whole entire groups. I left my church because “everyone hates me so I hate them.” “I hate all men, no man is actually good.” Both of these I know to be false.

  23. If a person is partially bad, then they aren't all good…are they?

    If people were kinder to one another, then borderline wouldn't even exist. But, nope… people gotta be jerks. Pay the working force barely enough to get by… people live without, dreams get compromised, mental health issues are ubiquitous, depression meds profits go thru the roof, overwhelmed politicians refuse to half their salary to pay for a 2nd shift eventho they would still be rich and have more time to spend with family and friends…a group of women accuse the president of rape and we can't shut down the government long enough to clear that up but he can shut the government down for whatever he wants. Does America deserve a president who would be poor until American poverty is no more? It sure hasn't been that way in my lifetime.

    Society's problems are not my problems because I'm not part of this society. ? Things don't make sense. I just want one person who is in tune with the best parts of common sense in flux. My luck ran out. Without a doubt, the people living in the ghetto got rights and ways of thinking that might trip you out if you can't keep up. Entertainment is violent usually. Living in the country with the most mass shootings and billionaires, if my research is correct. Women deserve less in the eyes of the overseers..

    Nope. Stop. Quit thinkin like that. That's dwelling. Ponder, don't dwell. Consider and think the best of everyone. The secretly racist act in public like they don't do at home…many of their relatives want them to act like they do in public when they come around: Secretly racist. Save that crap for when they're all alone, in their heads, ruminating hateful thoughts instead of not giving a crap at all.

    But, you're right…it gets black/white sometimes. I want happy people only. Not gossip mongers and contention professionals…debaters and overstaters. I want positivity cuz its opposite makes me wanna not be around it… eventho it's ubiquitous. Everywhere around me. Inescapable. Aspie hides in closet. Ear plugs in. Cuz if one more pin drops, a heart this compassionate may stop.

    Never end a rant on a negative emotion. Sleep well…may the dreams of a best tommorow never come so when you wake up our reality is not a let down.

    Go to sleep now.

  24. My cousin has BPD and she comes to me and my mom with all her problems/meltdowns/attacks. So I guess we're placed in the all good category maybe? We can usually talk her out of the spiral and help her see the other side of the conflict/event.

  25. I always do this with boyfriends. My current boyfriend is amazing, but if he accidentally does something that triggers me my brain automatically is like oh he doesn't like me, I should break up with him so he won't abandon me first… Your videos helped me identify many of my triggers and it is really helpful.

  26. i was diagnosed with BPD though I feel it was in error, I dont split people into good or bad but i definitely cut people out of my life quickly

  27. It always helps me to talk about it with people. If I tell them my perspective of someone, they can help me to see it in a different way or remind me of things I've said before that counter what I'm saying right now. Because when I'm splitting, I'm completely blind for what I might have said earlier and I actually temporarily forget about it. People who know I do that, can help me a lot by just reminding me of other times I split and wasn't (completely) correct.

  28. Do you have any videos on how to deal with change? I struggle with change a lot and I’m not sure how to deal with it without just forcing myself to get on with it? But is that the only way?

  29. hey Katie! i’ve recently been watching your videos on eating disorders, specifically about anorexia, and i think you mentioned that to have anorexia nervosa you need to be underweight and be under a healthy BMI. but, if anorexia is a mental disorder not a physical disorder, why does someone have to reach these physical “requirements” to have anorexia? because isn’t anorexia a mental disorder? personally for me these “requirements” just trigger my eating issues and makes me want to lose more weight to reach that goal. i would love it if you could make a video explaining this!💖

  30. When I’m going through this it helps me just to take some distance. Rather than just cutting someone off completely and forever I just remember to be kind to them but to also be kind to myself and honour my feelings by giving myself some space from that person. When I split I often feel a lot of hatred towards a person and it causes me to get extremely annoyed by anything they do even if they’ve done nothing wrong and I know they haven’t, so it’s best for both of us if I just do my own thing for a bit! And we can hang out again when the moment has passed. You just need to say you’re feeling a bit down and need some alone time for a bit – any good friend will understand that!

  31. My husband has BPD. It seems like he does splitting towards me, our children and jobs at certain parts of the year. It is always near my birthday, because he hates that I get attention and not him. He always does this around Halloween because his mom attempted suicided on Halloween. Can this be part of BPD or can this be something different?

  32. Wait, so I have an on and off relationship with my sister, and I view her relationship (pretty much all of them) as a partnership, or ally. In fact, after about 2 years of not talking, my dad forced us to talk and it lasted a month, but now it is back to that again. Would that be splitting? (I'm not currently diagnosed with anything, but I have been dealing with depression for a little over a year now, but I'm not depressed all the time, sometimes a little bit euphoric). Thanks

  33. Hello Katy please could you do a video about sitting on the floor during therapy? I have seen many therapists over about 7 years and recently i have noticed that I feel restricted and like things are too formal which is making it very difficult for me to open up. I don't know if it's normal to sit on the floor and I am really embarrassed by it but if you could talk about it and shed some light then I would really appreciate it. Thank you

  34. Hey Kati, a classmate saw my scratch marks on my arm and asked what happened and if I was scratching my arm or cutting, and I had no idea what to do so I laughed it off and told her it was nothing, and now I'm scared she'll tell my other friends or teacher… What do I do?

  35. I honestly thought everyone did this. Lmao. The more research I did on BPD the more that I realized I was very, very wrong. I'm slowly learning more and more about myself and I why I do the shit that I do. I'm getting better at coping. Some days are harder than others. I found that journaling and meditation have worked really well for me. Just gotta take it one day at a time.

  36. If it makes anyone with BPD feel any better, I have PTSD and I split ppl all the time. It’s prob not as pervasive for me and I’ve been aware of it since the traumatic event, but just think if u were traumatised before u can even remember, then splitting totally makes sense for u. U r not alone.

  37. Am I the only person who's diagnosed with BPD but can't relate to this splitting concept? I've never seen people/relationships in this black or white theme, I always was the "in between one" who wanted to mediate and couldn't understand hatred/bad vibes between friends. It went so far as to me not being able to feel rage at first and went to either kind of knowing what I thought I was feeling while not being able to access it to being overwhelmed my feelings. Does this make sense? I am so scared to lose everyone in my life, but I would never ever push them away actively.

  38. i have bpd and splitting is the worst aspect of it in my opinion, what helps me is when i'm seeing someone as good i make a playlist of happy songs that remind me of what i like about them, and when i'm splitting i will listen to that playlist

  39. I have BPD and my most useful technique to fighting splitting urges is to talk back to that voice in me that's telling me their bad, it's something that needs to be used carefully because I have caused myself to stay in toxic and abusive relationships because I kept telling myself that I was sick and needed to stop splitting and that the people in my life are good and it's my illness making me feel that way. But be careful and don't become angry with yourself for doing this and don't allow yourself or another person to abuse you because you think it's just your bpd. Check facts, ask for help. My closest family are the ones that I trust enough to tell me if I'm splitting someone or if they're actually hurting me. Even if sometimes you end up splitting them just try to trust your instincts and fight your inner voice keep the good ones around, they can help you.

  40. i was diagnosed with bpd not too long ago. i personally can have very bad trust issues from stuff that's happened in the past, like being severely bullied from a friend at the time. if someone broke my trust, i could think of them as someone that cannot be a true friend. i don't have necessary full on splitting if that makes sense. but you all, lmk what you think!! also, i use the world always ALL the time. and i am a very sensitive person and have a hard time letting people and things go

  41. Thanks for discussing this. I've had a problem with splitting (and the lashing out that used to come with it) for a long time. Over time I've learned to hold myself back from reacting immediately, but then i'm worried that maybe sometimes i'm not reacting when a reaction is due. It's difficult to differentiate between what i think is true and what is actually true. These tips might help. Thanks 🙂

  42. Interesting. I have never heard this definition of ‘splitting’. My colleagues usually use splitting to describe how someone with BPD can cause third parties to fall out amongst themselves. Maybe it’s a USA versus UK linguistic thing

  43. This is something that has been on my mind recently… I have always been that person who puts people on a pedestal and then am devastated when they disappoint me somehow and then I hate them. Thank you so much for this–it gave me a lot of helpful advice!

  44. Kati I need some advice please.
    Idk what exactly this is but I’ll explain my symptoms I believe it’s schizophrenia but idk nor have I talked to my doctor yet.

    1. I do things I don’t even know why I did them, it’s like I do them but Idk why I did.
    2. I have some hallucinations. I have a fear of cockroaches and I seem to see them but there not there after a few seconds.
    3. I stutter sometimes and can’t seem to get words out when it happens.
    4. I say things I don’t mean a lot they just come out.
    Btw I have horrible anxiety and I’m on medication for it and I have had depression and dealt with self harm.
    But my main thing is doing things for no reason that are stupid and ik they are but once it’s over I have no clue why I did it and I’m confused.
    Please help me Kati

  45. Hello. I have noticed a trend in mental health videos I’ve been watching. Is it possible that “splitting” or the polarity or black/white thinking around this idea or the term “splitting” can be incorrectly applied by laymen to other areas which may misrepresent mental health in any way? Does misrepresentation of polarity around concepts ever happen in ways that cause harm?

  46. I have BPD and before I was diagnosed I had no idea I was splitting. I ruined relationships and acted horribly. But over time (with lots of journaling) I was able to start rationalizing my splitting. For instance, "what this person is doing right now hurts me, but overall I still care about them and I can talk to them about my feelings without being accusatory." It's about reminding yourself of your connections and realizing that every human is flawed. You're never going to find a perfect person. The best you can do is try to roll with the punches and realize that sometimes you can be hurt without it meaning that people are out to get you.

  47. Question, how to fight against self hatred and bully thoughts. For example I keep on thinking people hate me, or I'm the most ugliest person in the room and people would be kinder to me if i was more attractive. If I do attract someone, the thoughts become the idea that they have low standards, i can't win and its a constant stream of painful inner thoughts, even though there's nothing I can do about how I look.

  48. This is exactly why BPD people split its an uncontrollable reaction and we only can learn over time from doing it to see it, My husband and I are both BPD and we have learned to recognize and even put a stop to what we refer to as pushing not splitting. I don 't really see my spouse as all bad but has has done a lot of really weird dark things other people who have left him for. I mainly get upset when he fails to protect me or stand up for me to others I view him as weak as I'm a fighter and would never let anyone hurt or walk on someone close to me. But we have learned we feel insecure and feel the need to quickly protect ourselves from feeling abandoned, for me I shut down easily and become cold to my emotion completely numb as If nothing matters. I have CPTSD too and have whether abuse since I was very young child cold distant mother sexual abuse incest , DV repeatedly in my life later.so I am used to being abused and see everyone as an eventual abuser just a matter of time till they let you down betray you. Trust no one attitude my husband is younger and still naive in many ways trust too much then when someone burns us I feel hatred toward him that he was stupid and trusting when Ii told him so. We are separated often do to his work I'll just say(its government ) We find we split most during these time without physical together time not sex just holding one another comfort physically helps us a lot. Skin to skin I just like new born babies I find comforts me the most. This opens my eyes to the lack of care and love I must have received as a infant sadly. I however
    am a very warm hands on Mom, Thank God !
    Additionally I do feel ignored often the root of a lot of my anger is not being respected <i'm not a big talker infant my husband has to press me sometimes to open up,I found it exhausting to speak I also find it a futile exorcise because I repeatedly after i tell someone what a big deal it is to me to per say never lie to me ( this is true i'm honest to a fault and expect the same in return) But they lie anyhow and hurt me I feel they weren't ever worth the time and emotion spent opening p just to ask them to be honest and never to lie no matter how bad it is I can forgive just about anything but betrayal but virtue of a lie.
    I hate also being mad to feel invisible and undervalued when a rude clerk pretends you not even standing there it sets me off and hurts me deeply.As if I m worthless I live my life constantly sacrificing my happiness for others and when I cant even get a hello Ill be right with you its like there are saying I'm better then you You nothing and I'm really hurt by a total stranger I usually get anger and say your really rude!

  49. Good video thanks….is there any litterature on bpd and masoochism? When I get angry at someone I always try to sleep on the feelings and not speak to them right away because very often I have regreted doing that however I hae to be careful not to build up laudry lists of perceived grievences against others then cut contact.,,,fruedian slip there laundry not laudry lol.

  50. I think I have BPD because I have almost every sign of it. I do splitting all of the time, and I abandon people for it; then sometimes I’ll come back, and abandon them again in a cycle. It’s really toxic. I hope I could get a diagnosis soon. I was diagnosed with depression, but I knew something else was up.

  51. I recently saw a therapist who told me I’m “not really borderline” because I haven’t had multiple suicide attempts. I’ve only had one, but I also self-harm. I know there are 9 criteria, so what she said doesn’t make sense to me. I was so angry at her for being so invalidating that I shut down completely. Am I wrong? Is a BPD diagnosis incorrect just because I haven’t attempted suicide more than once?

  52. one of my friends has BPD and your videos are so helpful and help me understand what she's going through. also i have DID and so do you know how to tell if an alter is about to front and if you can stop it? it'd be great if you could maybe address that someday! thank you!!! :)))

  53. The BPD undermines their relationships with their anger and manipulation of others. They don't have the insight to see the splitting and it requires many years of counseling with a cooperative client.

  54. So, I don’t have BPD, but I do have anxiety, depression, and PTSD that sort of manifests a lot like BPD. I didn’t know what splitting was and I hadn’t heard of it until just now, but I absolutely do it! I’ve seen the world as very black and white since I was a little girl. I’ve been working on it for a few months though! I’m to a point where I don’t split automatically, I just get nervous to become close to someone, especially once I see something in them I don’t like. I get very scared that they’re going to be “bad” and that I will get hurt or taken advantage of.

    The way I’ve combatted this is to try to see things from their perspective. Sometimes I know that a person has mental health struggles of their own, and they did something that I didn’t like because of that, but they’re still a good person. I think of the things they have done to make me happy, to enrich my life, or that I just generally enjoy and then I think about the thing they did to upset me, whether it was intentional or even in their control, and whether they’ve ever done something intentionally to hurt me or anyone else. So far, I’ve managed to tell myself people are worth keeping around despite their flaws 100% of the time. And I’ve even been able to “forgive” (or accept) them for their shortcomings. It’s been very liberating.

  55. I got to the point where I would know when I started splitting and that I would at LEAST thirty mins before I could start thinking clearly again. I had a pattern I was hurt, angry, then sad, and angry again, then empty. I would have to wait for that cycle to play itself out before I could handle anything otherwise my thinking was just too distorted. Eventually it went away after I noticed it and kinda controlled it.

  56. I think what you do is really beautiful. I didn't even know people like you existed. setting aside your own personal issues and helping others is inspirational. it's obvious you actually care about others and want to see better. you are a light to this World. Just thank you.

  57. Be the detective, check the facts (3.45mins) is good advice. Thinking clearly and being honest with yourself about the facts really helps to stop "distorted thinking" Be committed to knowing the truth by facts not "reading between the lines" This will help to know good relationships from toxic

  58. I was diagnosed at 16 with BPD and I’m 21 now. I also have depression and anxiety and those are another story but I wanted to know if BPD goes away and if I need to be re-diagnosed for that again or something different. I’m having trouble in my day to day life and I haven’t figured out what to do with myself.

  59. Thank you! Great topic and love the focus on black and white thinking. Run into this a lot in therapy and spend much time bringing clarity to the fact it is happening and how to challenge it. Take care 🙂

  60. Hi, I really believe that I have this condition. My anger especially, is out of control.
    I feel like I have a boulder sitting on my chest everyday, which is obviously a symptom of depression. I am in a very isolated position in that I only have my parents in my life. I have a lot of self hatred and therefore don't want to be around other people.
    Can anyone tell me how BPD is diagnosed, in the event that I work up the courage to go to a Doctor?
    Is there a questionnaire to fill out or do you just list your symptoms?

  61. hi kati:
    have you ever heard of PBSP psychomotor therapy before? i'd love to learn more about it. there's this book on trauma called the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk who talks about it a bit. i wanted to know your thoughts on it. thanks.

  62. Well I left a comment explaining my situation on another video. But this is the first I have heard this term. The reason I am leaving a comment is it also makes sense. My question is what if everyone I know has been put into a bad category and the community and state are on the list too. I distance myself from my own child because I don’t want whatever I am to be a negative influence on his life. All I see the more I look into BPD is how it coincides with my life and not only that I think it is on the severe side. But none of my friends, fellow veterans, medical professionals want to help because all my communicant at this point is nothing but anger and I don’t have any control of that and I don’t trust anyone. I really wish there were more doctors out there like you who have knowledge and enthusiasm about your profession. And it isn’t just about the paycheck.

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