“Shia LaBeouf” Live – Rob Cantor


You’re walking in the woods There’s no one around and your phone is dead Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him Shia LaBeouf He’s following you about thirty feet back He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint He’s gaining on you Shia LaBeouf You’re looking for your car but you’re all turned around He’s almost upon you now, and you can see… There’s blood on his face My God, there’s blood everywhere! Running for your life from Shia LaBeouf He’s brandishing a knife, it’s Shia LaBeouf Lurking in the shadows Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf) Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf) Eating all the bodies Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf Now it’s dark, and you seem to have lost him But you’re hopelessly lost yourself Stranded with a murderer You creep silently through the underbrush Aha! In the distance, a small cottage with a light on – hope! You move stealthily toward it… But your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap! Gnawing off your leg (quiet, quiet) Limping to the cottage (quiet, quiet) Now you’re on the doorstep Sitting inside, Shia LaBeouf Sharpening an axe (Shia LaBeouf) But he doesn’t hear you enter (Shia LaBeouf) You’re sneaking up behind him Strangling superstar Shia LaBeouf Fighting for your life with Shia LaBeouf Wrestling a knife from Shia LaBeouf Stab it in his kidney Safe at last from Shia LaBeouf You limp into the dark woods Blood oozing from your stump leg You’ve beaten Shia LaBeouf Wait! He isn’t dead! Shia surprise! There’s a gun to your head and death in his eyes But you can do Jiu Jitsu Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf You try to swing an axe at Shia LaBeouf But blood is draining fast from your stump leg He’s dodging every swipe, he parries to the left You counter to the right, you catch him in the neck You’re chopping off his head now You have just decapitated Shia LaBeouf His head topples to the floor, expressionless You fall to your knees and catch your breath You’re finally safe from Shia LaBeouf

58 comments

  1. Damn this video is almost 5 years old now, how time flies

    Also idk if anyone saw this but there’s when the choir is singing “stab it in his kidney” at 1:43 there’s this one guy with the most intense face on and it makes me CACKLE every time

  2. Wait! He isn't dead (Shia surprise)
    There's a gun to your head and death in his eyes
    But you can do Jis Jitsu
    Body slam superstar Shia LaBeouf

  3. You’re running through the forest, it’s night. The moon is full and bright. Your phone is dead and you can hear Him gaining on you. Running ever faster but quickly tiring you know that your only hope of survival is your car, and the Swiss Army knife inside. As you dart through the trees you risk a look back, and out of the corner of your eye your spot Him.
    Shia LaBeouf.
    Covered in blood and the face of a monster, He is effortlessly fast, for he does not relent. You try to run faster but you’re at your limit. He gaining on you now. You hear His ragged panting as he moves.
    Tireless Shia LaBeouf.
    But then you see it, a beacon of hope. A light.
    The light. The one your parked under with your now scattered friends. As you draw closer something flies past you and lands ahead. As you pass you see it’s a human arm. There’s bite marks and large chunks missing.
    Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf.
    You reach the car. It’s unlocked, not how you left it. No time to worry about that because survival lies inside. A Swiss Army knife on the dash. You pick it up and turn to face Him, holding the knife up. He stops under the light and you finally get a good look. His body is covered in scars, dirt, mud, and blood, dried and wet. With a guttural scream you charge at him with the knife and stab. The knife slides into His neck but he does not flinch. He pulls the knife out of His neck and slams it into your stomach. You stagger back from him.
    Unfeeling Shia LaBeouf.
    Suddenly he’s an inch from you face. You step back and he pushes you. The moment he touches you, a feeling like no other washes over you. The feeling of infinity, and it’s limitlessness. The concept of Him, in his eternal and unlimited power. As you try to grasp infinity and what lies beyond your mid begins to melt and you only know Him.
    Literal Elder God Shia LaBeouf.

  4. I don’t think I’ve had a single video in my recommended more times than this video. And I’ve never seen anything Shia LaBeouf related.

  5. Bear in mind there is a Rimworld mod of this. It is horrifying:

    You are 2 years into your colony, your favorite colonist just married this beautiful hot shot of a woman. He goes to harvest berries in the distance…. then the song starts playing. Fear envelopes you as you see a bloody figure with a toothy grin running towards your base with an axe.

    Your turrets start firing in vain, as he cuts them down effortlessly. Your other colonist open fire, only to be decapitated and dismembered to the tune of the crescendo. Your pawn's wife is then brutally ripped apart limb by limb… as her husband watches in horror at a distance..

    Any smart player would abandon the map and start a new colony with the depressed pawn. You start a hasty caravan and head to another location in the world, thinking you escaped the massacre. But wait! Shia surprise! He ambushed you and your pawn, with blood in his eyes.

    You don't know jiujitsu…. and he destroyed your liver… game over bud.. 10/10

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