Phor Opens Up About His Depression | Black Ink Crew: Chicago

– [cricket chirping] – CHARMAINE: Phor? – [knocking at door]
– PHOR: [crying] – Phor? – PHOR: I feel so alone. – Phor? – PHOR: [crying] – Come out. – CHARMAINE: Phor. Phor, stop. Don’t cry, Phor. It’s okay. – What up?
– Hey. – ♪ – I love you.
– CHARMAINE: I love you, Phor. – PHOR: You don’t understand
what I’m going through. I’m just feeling
better off dead. Feeling less, you know,
not valuing myself, not seeing myself
how other people see me. I’m not appreciating life
enough, you know? These are not thoughts
I wanna have. – I think the first time
I was really clued in that Phor was dealing with something
was…when he started promoting his latest song,
“Help.” When I first saw the photo of
Phor with the noose around his neck,
I instantly freaked out. I felt like it was definitely
a cry for help. I didn’t know how to talk to him
about it or bring it up. I’m like, “Okay, well, you’re
here, and you seem well, “so maybe you’re just promoting
your song, you know, maybe it’s not a big deal.” – PHOR: I’m just lost. And, you know, but this–it’s
been something I’ve been going through most of my life,
honestly. I just feel like
I’m better long gone. I’m better off gone. I think I–I’d be more valued,
I’d be more respected if I wasn’t–
– CHARMAINE: Stop, Phor. Stop saying that.
That’s not true. – RYAN: Get up. – ♪ – RYAN: I said get out, please.
– Get out? – RYAN: Now.
– Excuse me. – ♪ – RYAN: Thank you. – ♪ – [knocking on door] – CHARMAINE: Van? Van? – VAN: [moaning] – CHARMAINE: Wake up. I know it’s been a crazy day,
but look–can you hear me? Van?
– Yeah, I can hear you. – Phor talking about crazy
[bleep] like–[sighs]– feeling like he not valuable
enough to be on this Earth and having suicidal thoughts. Ryan’s having a conversation
with him right now. I stepped out the room.
I wanted to come talk tell you. Yes, we need
to go back in there. – RYAN: I ain’t going nowhere
for you, bro! Nowhere! This [bleep] be hard, [bleep]
but you ain’t gotta do it on your mother [bleep] own. My [bleep] I got this bitch
’cause they can’t. You hear me? Every goddamn day,
because they can’t, ’cause [bleep] ain’t telling ’em
to their face [bleep] I love you, my [bleep]. You the [bleep]. You worth something.
You valuable. I tell my kids every goddamn
day, man, you successful. Go be more successful,
do what you gotta do. And if [bleep] tell you
as a grown-ass man, [bleep] I do it as my brother. I ain’t got no [bleep] brothers. I accepted you as mine
a long time [bleep] ago. You hear me?
– PHOR: I hear you, bro. – RYAN: Alright. I’ll tell you
the same [bleep] tomorrow. I couldn’t be more to you
[bleep] if you ain’t already get into me, you hear me?
That’s it. – ♪ – That’s it. Big brother mean big brother,
goddamn it. – Right.
– I took that [bleep] on a long [bleep] time ago, boy, I ain’t
playing with you about nothing. – Right, absolutely. – Don’t play with me about
that, man. – I got you, bro.
– [bleep] you hear me? – I love you [bleep].
– I love you, too, baby. – I’m gonna be alright. I’m gonna get it up. – I know Phor better and longer
than a lot of people that’s around us, so this ain’t
our first conversation. This ain’t the first time
we done been through this. You tell me you’re lonely, I
ain’t gonna leave you alone. You tell me you wanna do
something to yourself or, you know, potentially check out,
that ain’t nothing I’m gonna just let happen. You gonna see how much
I love you and care about you, even if it’s through some pain. – Alright, man. – What’s up, bro? – ♪ – VAN: I didn’t really know
that he was battling a serious mental issue. I knew that I was definitely not
gonna leave his side. Like whatever he was going
through, those became my problems. You got–you got me,
you got Ryan. You got Charmaine. You got–everybody
got your back, bro. We wanna see you in a better
space, a better mental space. – I can’t help but–you know
what my goal was today? – CHARMAINE: What? – To drown in the pool. – ♪ – VAN: To hear
what you’re saying to me, bro, is [bleep] breaking my heart,
man. Whatever you going through,
Phor… if we can’t help you, bro, you don’t think you need
some professional help, bro? – ♪ – Don’t–don’t give him
the option of not getting help. He needs to get help. – PHOR: I just wanna
go to sleep. That’s it.
– Phor… Let’s get some rest then.
I ain’t going nowhere, [bleep]. I got the foot of the bed. And that’s that, you know what
I’m saying? Like– – And in the morning,
he’s going to have another conversation with that,
so we’re gonna get him help. – That’s fine, too. Just let me–you know
what I’m saying? Let the [bleep] get some sleep.
That’s what he want. – You’re gonna stay in here
with him, Van? – Yes. Yes, I’m here. – ♪ – Alright, well, I’m gonna let
y’all get sleep then. And I will talk to you guys
in the morning, okay? – Alright. Peace. – Love you, Phor. – Thanks, Van. – ♪ – [sighs] – ♪ – Still here, bro.


  1. This was heart breaking. I've dealt with depression for 11 years and am still struggling to get help. I'm happy he has great friends that are there for him. I can see the pain in his face. Thank you Phor for coming forward and getting help and showing us that even the happiest suffer

  2. Ah man.. this hit really hard.
    I wish Phor finds the right help and gets better. This is the type of things that need to be showed more so that everyone can see that mental health is important

  3. Wow I'm feeling his feelings and I'm going through this same thing God is good and I pray every day it's hard for me to even get up some days.

  4. Damn I'm crying. As a person who suffers from depression I sought help. Sudden medical issues triggered it. I didn't have suicidal thoughts but I have a daughter to live for and couldn't continue to sleep and not talk. IF YOU DONT SUFFER OR KNOW ANYONE THAT DOES you won't understand. So many people judge. May God hold him in his arms and send the help he needs. ITS OK TO GET HELP!!!

  5. Awww they're all real friends.. Good friends, it takes courage to actually admit and talk about depression

  6. Ok this is what I feel, there are some many people going through stuff that's way way worse then some of our simple problems there health, death of someone , living situation mabe homeless , raped and only a minor, ect. And then get this the people that's going through real problems half of them dont even complain about there problems. In life it's about building our foundation of strength, powering our minds of faith helping others, preying seeking God grace really understanding life, and why it was created once you get your life together and stop battling with demons you will find your inner peace. Its starts with God!!!!

  7. This right here proves that depression or any type of mental illness us something that should not be taken lightly. God bless Ryan Van and Charmaine for being there for Phor.

  8. I can relate to him on this type of level because at one point at my life I was going through the same thing because I thought I wasn’t valuable and I had suicidal thoughts as well and still have them a very young age too

  9. So powerful, and so brave to share this on television. The stigma around mental health is very real, and seeing things like this helps break that stigma. PLEASE reach out if you need help!

  10. I feel like phor should still work at the shop but just not be seen on the show anymore till his health is better

  11. black men struggle with their emotional health too. I love the fact that they showed this. prayers and love to Phor, and I hope he heals.

  12. I’m becoming a fan of BIC and this scene touched me in more ways than one, I suffer from depression and panic attacks and no one would ever know it. My loved ones like Phor’s keep me in the light.

  13. Smh. Nikki would’ve been right by his side. I wish things would have worked out. I feel for Phor. I hope that he’s ok. God is with him.

  14. Im going through the same bs trust me nobody around me seems to notice it either and no matter how exhausting this is i know i can fight this on my own just gotta stay strong even on your weakest days 💯

  15. That’s what a person needs real support which god has blessed him with…..I wish I had him that even just a little

  16. 🙏😪 Depression is a very horrible disease Thanks Jesus Christ for always pulling me out that black hole I seem to get ticked into The Devil is a Lair He always likes to bring the strong ones Down first But sister and Brother We should Fight For our Freedom Jesus Christ didn't dead for us to be sad or scared to live our lifes Unhappy or to Be Defeat it by the Darkness We R children of God n we should rise up With Joy Happens Gratefulness Prayers are very Powerful God is Good Talk to Jesus Christ ask him to came into ur life to Restore ur mind ur heart ur soul God dead for us to be Happy joyful..

  17. In a way this is Beautiful!! Strangely i can't seem decide if they should of air this or not 🤔
    I mean I know its shedding light on a dark topic butttttt I can't seem to decide because it's just a personal moment between them!!

  18. One thing I can say is this show and people are Real As F! Depression and Mental issues ARE NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH PERIODT!! God made doctors, Doctors for a reason. Phor you are here for a reason. Get your Azz the help you need ASAP. This is nothing to sleep on or keep throwing to the waist side. Your peoples Love you dude and your fans. I know this video is from months ago however, I'm just running across it. You will and can get through this. You have a beautiful family around you that is very supportive. Get Help! Do not listen to others that think that you should not be on medication. Take the medication that will help with the chemical imbalance that is going on in your brain. Get counseling, Talk, and again Get Help! Mental illness runs in my family I have one son who has been diagnosed witb ADHD and Bipolar NOS(mood swings from bipolar) he was diagnosed at the age of 6 and he would not be the 19 year old that he was intended to be if he did not have a supportive family that is full of love here for him. Your talented loved by many and We Luv U out here in TV Land. Your here to turn others lives around. Let God continue to use you. Stay Blessed, Get Help, and Let God. Your Fans ❤U! 🙏🙏🙏

  19. Phor I love you and I know what your going through I have manic depression and I have a child n I stay strong for him yesterday I wanted to pop all my depression pills I love u and even if u weren't famous n I saw u on the street I'd be there for you I love you guys all of you your my family in a way I love y'all when Ryan left I felt the heartbreaking too

  20. Watching this segment is powerful depression is real im a great person in life and with god but depression is real my fam dont get it but when I tried to commit suicide in my car alone I was good wit that. My fam think is a joke but it's real.when I called my bro the and told him im not in a good place they just its all good bro sleep it off. Not really knowing what they were telling me, so I sat in my car and tried to sleep forever but God has better plans for me i just dont know what they are and when the change will happen but depression is real

  21. Watching this I really saw the actual family they have even when they get into fights they all love each other and have each others back when its serious

  22. I suffer from it each and every day I know how he feels I know the feeling of waking around going unnoticed unloved wanted to be dead!!! Each and every night I stayed up thinking of ways how to kill my self I had no one I still don’t trust me help someone before it’s too late cause it’s to late for sum of us!!

  23. I feel his pain, as someone's who's been there dealing with depression & anxiety since I was about 16, I'm almost 48 & still struggling, BUT I'm in a good place in my life , JUST know , YOUR life is WORTH EVERYTHING & there is HELP & LOVE & a helping hand out there. God loves you & so do I. 😊❤️

  24. This ripped my heart completely out. never seen men embrace and be there for 1 another like this. This was very touching. Ryan saved this guy's life. I don.t watch the show but seen clips of it…I hope he.s doing and feeling better & is Ok!😔

  25. I have a family member that struggles with depression and it’s extremely hard and a lifelong battle. Ryan u are awesome … transparent love for your “ brother “ and Van staying in the bed through the night 🌺…that’s what’s up

  26. He's right. You would feel mpre valued dead because no one cares til you're gone. Sad reality of life, but still a reality. 😢

  27. Sending so much love to you Phor and every single person on this earth going through this depression situation. It’s hard but we need to keep pushing guys pls in the name of Jesus I rebuke !!!! Let’s not give up 💞

  28. Ryan's words are very powerful , those are the words i would like to hear from my family as I'm going through the same thing. Made me cry as if he was speaking to me.

  29. Ryannnnnnn!! I felt those words and Van, you couldn’t have expressed it any better. That’s brothers love.

  30. We all need support and love, but we really have to pray for and cover our black men. They have to face a cold, cruel world that doesn't like them on a daily basis. I pray for my husband, son, brothers, cousins, nephews every single day!! They have the weight of the world on their shoulders times ten! When my husband comes home from work I thank God, then treat him like a King…have his dinner done and serve it to him. He don't play when it comes to his family. If any body looks at me and his children wrong it's a problem and he works tirelessly to provide. So it goes both ways family. Let's build these black men up so they can be leaders in their homes and communities! Women let's make our homes a haven where he can feel loved, honored, and safe!!

  31. I love this. Maybe showing this will show these hyper masculine guys that there is nothing wrong with showing your friends you love them and being there for them. There’s nothing gay about letting your friend know you’re there and giving them a hug.

  32. Depression ain’t no joke. The further you get into it…you feel hopeless. I know exactly how Phor feels. Therapy helped.

  33. I suffer from depression. Before last year, I didn’t have depression since 2015. Last year on Christmas I had a meltdown. I’m the type to soak in a lot, even if I can get the chance to vent. It seem not to be enough. I overthink, and can’t stop it. Lose sleep because of it. Anyway, I soaked in a lot that was going on with the job I had, plus personal issues. I started to drink a little on Christmas, and I ended up going off. When I woke up, I felt not myself. Like I didn’t want to deal with that day, like I was done, like I don’t want no one to talk to me. But, I started crying uncontrollably, screaming, hitting walls, breathing heavily, saying I hate myself and my life, all type of stuff. By the time I calmed down, my face was puffy. After that, I felt sooo much better. I felt calm, like nothing’s bothering me. But pay attention to the ones close to you. They may not vent to you or talk to you about how they really feel. But they will throw hints in here and there. You just got to pay attention, you got to catch it. I use to reach out, without reaching out.

  34. 😭😭😢😢 depression ain’t no joke at all 4real it’s real u battling with yourself when no one else understands

  35. This just breaks me down. Much respect to these individuals who have a heart. Charmaine is a real ONE.

  36. Depression is such a REAL thing , I’ve struggled with it my whole teenage life up into now. It’s real & all you need is love love love support & comfort. I just wanna give Phor the BIGGEST hug bruh …

  37. I belive depression is a form of stress i am not saying depression is fake but misunderstood becasue living a stressful life you go threw same things

  38. I stay feeling exactly like Phor, 💯 ain't no getting away from it, real talk once depression snatches you up that's it, you can seek help for it all you want but truthfully I'ma keep it all the way 💯it ain't going nowhere, if anything it lays dormant but it's always there like the devil on your shoulder 💯💯💯

  39. Yall might not agree with me but i think Charmaine and Ryan will be a. Good couple like if u agree u can disagree if u want cause idc tbh

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *