MY ACCUTANE JOURNEY (and Depression, Anxiety and Other Side Effects) | Raquel Mendes

hey no I was too much
let’s do much hey for this time a night anyway today I’m gonna talk to you about
accutane is something that I’ve been very open about but a lot of you guys
have a lot of questions still and I got DMS like weekly about accutane and yeah
just huge to share my journey sort of and to show you my skin before and after
and blah blah blah blah blah blah so this is my skin now it’s bare
there’s no makeup on it and I am about five months into accutane I’m taking
ten milligrams which is the lowest dosage third time I’m on accutane so I’m
gonna talk through all my experiences from the first time until now this is my
skin off accutane just for a frame of reference like it’s not extremely bad
acne that covers all of my face but it’s moderate to severe acne which up until
about a year ago it was only not my t-zone but chin area mostly around my
mouth and then it started going on my cheeks which I never had I have to start
by saying that I have polycystic ovaries so that means my acne is hormonal it’s
like a hundred percent hormonal I’ve tried a lot of things to make it go away
but the only thing that actually really works is accutane it’s a condition that
you get a lot of cysts in your ovaries which must have been you know quite
clear it can be like a mild condition it could be a severe condition in my case
it’s like mild to moderate it’s not to like the cysts aren’t too big I don’t
have a lot of problems with this is themselves I mean I know people to have
this condition and is at a much more severe stage where they have actually
have like big cysts bursting up mine don’t you that they’re just like
micro cysts but because they were there my body then is flooded with more
masculine hormones than unusual person would happen that’s usually why hormonal
acne is focused around the like mouth area and stuff because it’s where a
beard would grow is weird but you if you
polycystic ovaries you can have acne and you can not have acne acne is just like
one of the symptoms from then on I want to just tell you some of the things that
I’ve tried in the past that a lot of people do recommend and it does work
we’re some people who do have acne but if it’s completely hormonal it’s not
gonna work I have tried going off dairy off gluten
off all at the same time off eggs I have tried like every dietary possible
combination there is I have tried supplements which do help a
little bit especially if they are paired with vitamin A and those do help if you
have mild acne if you have mild hormonal imbalance that may help you and it does
help me mean it does help tone it down a little bit my acne is very stubborn so
it still comes through most of it I’ve also tried antibiotics antibiotics work
while you’re on them as soon as you’re off antibiotics it’ll come back if it’s
hormonal antibiotics are supposed to kill an
infection they were very rare but it’s it’s possible that you have acne due to
some sort of infection or inflammatory reaction inside your body
however again if you have hormonal acne it’s not gonna work and as soon as you
get off them like about a month later you’re back to where you started
and usually the acne gets worse so I’m completely anti antibiotics if that
makes any sense so let’s talk about accutane now accutane
or in the UK Roaccutane or in any other like the purest form of the medication
is called seeing this right in English but it’s called isotretinoin
so what it is actually is a very very high dosage and a very very
concentrated dosage of vitamin A I’ve got mine in Portugal so this is what the
box looks like this is what the tablet looks like if I think that 20 milligrams
are like a burgundy color so what vitamin A basically does is it dries up
all the oils that your organism produces it does more than that but in a short
like very short concise sentence it dries you up like a prune
what’s gonna happen is your sebaceous glands are gonna close a little bit and
what acne inflammatory acne actually is it’s not bad hygiene it’s not nothing
like that what it is is the oil trapped in the pores and then it inflames
and then you have a pimple or you have a blackhead or you have a whitehead
depending on what the process is like the first time I took it I was sixteen
oh I forgot to say I was also on the pill of course the only pill that that
worked for me was Diane 35 which if you’ve taken it you know is a freakin
bomb in your organism it made me gain a lot of weight but wasn’t that it just really
left me nauseous all the time usually at the end of the day it was too much
basically he was the only one that did clear my acne and it’s cleared for about
two years and I think my organism kind of realized what I was doing and then to
acne came back so I went off it none other pill actually made any sort of
difference in my acne so the first time I went on accutane I was 16 I’m not
mistaken I can’t be 100% sure but I was taking 20 milligrams I know I was taking
one each day and I took it for six months I was supposed to take the ten
milligrams for three months more and then stop and then at the same time I
was going to a shrink for unrelated reasons he hadn’t seen me for about two
months and when I came in he was like something is off with you I don’t I
don’t know what it is or something is off and then we kind of sort of started
talking about things and he was like are you on any sort of acne medication I was
like yeah and I’m on accutane he was like okay yeah that makes sense you’re not
okay and at that point I hadn’t realized I wasn’t okay when I think about it now
it makes total sense I used to cry every day I would sleep all the time always be
sleepy I’d be very touchy-feely about stuff and like if someone said something
that was slightly snarky or something I just start crying and I didn’t know what
that was at the time I thought it was just like an existential crisis because
I was thinking about college and I didn’t want to go and I thought yeah I’m
just sad when he told me that it kind of clicked and I’m like oh yeah
I’m not okay I actually haven’t done this which is super irresponsible but if
you go to the leaflet they give you some of the side effects may include the ones
I want to talk about are in the rare cases or very rare cases disturbances in
your mental health depression deep depression aggressive tendencies anxiety
mood swings abnormal behavior which I don’t know what it is psychotic
disturbances suicidal ideologies suicide attempt and finally suicide I kind of
I’m afraid that I’m not structuring this video right but hopefully I am this is
under a rare or very rare what it means is there have been people that are on
accutane that have depression further studies have been inconclusive about if
depression is really attached to accutane they say that most people that
are depressive on accutane we’re depressive before about acne itself I
can understand where that comes from but from a personal point of view which has
happened twice to me I was not depressive when I started taking
accutane and got depressive on accutane so even though the studies are
inconclusive on me this is a side effect that’s real I never got suicidal but I
do get depressive I do get anxiety I get mood swings I get very irritated about
small things and just total hell I also gotta say I do have depressive
tendencies even off accutane and I do have a history with mental health issues
in my family so that is something that would factor in and I think depression
could only be a side effect on accutane if you are a depressive person
nonetheless I do believe that as a side effect I can’t back that up it’s just
from experience so my first depression was at 16 when my therapist realized
that he took me off it and it just went away that the person just went away and
went on with my life I didn’t even know at the time
wasn’t aware of how much depression had affected my family in general second
time I was on accutane I remember the leaflet did not say anything about
depression or suicide it just said something about behavioral
changes and the truth is the second time I was on accutane I didn’t get
depressive I don’t know if the manufacturers being different changed
anything I don’t know if it was a coincidence but I didn’t go into
depression it was again 20 milligrams and I took it once a day for about eight
months I believe was about 20 21 one of the side effects is that your skin
gets really really dry and sensitive and your lips get really dry and chapped II
but my lips on that accutane literally burst open I don’t have any photos sadly
because I do want it to show me what like how bad it was my lips were like
double the size they had like cracks in them which were super painful when I put
moisturizer on my face if it touch the lips it burnt like hell I had an outline
of crust around my lip so it was about five millimeters thick
it was disgusting it was so painful I couldn’t there were a few days there
where I couldn’t eat because I couldn’t open my mouth the corners of my mouth
were broken I could only open like this so high
eighth worst raw it was bad I just felt a pulsating pain on my lips all day long
it was really really bad doctor even put me on instead of one a day one every
other day and it got better for the lips and then I just went off in that clear
skin lasted me until I came to London it’s about 22 when I finished my second
round of acutane and it lasted me until I was 24 which was when I came here I
did take supplements in between that helped I think slowed the process a
little bit when I arrived in London I had clear skin about two months and at
the time I thought you know maybe this is the weather changing it’s the water
it’s what no it was my lovely hormones so a year later I was
yeah this is not the water and this is not the change and I went in to my
current dermatologist she put me on a super soft pill called minigest and
this is basically just gonna very very mildly and gently regulate my system I do
have a regular period and I’ve never had issues with irregularity it does help a
little bit with pain though but it’s not too strong so it doesn’t make me too
nauseous it doesn’t make me too sick to my stomach which usually most pills do
the second thing she did that was put me on a month of antibiotics and then
accutane and I think that’s really smart even though I’m against antibiotics as a
treatment I think it’s really smart to do antibiotics before the accutane
because when you take accutane and you start taking accutane just out of the
blue it’s gonna draw everything out so it’s gonna get a lot worse before gig
gets better and I can say that from experience but if you do antibiotics
first you’re basically gonna kill the bacteria first so when you then go onto
accutane it’s not gonna bring everything out then clear it up it’s just gonna
clear it out because there’s nothing to bring out the bacterias been killed if
that makes any sense anyway that’s what she did and then she put me on ten
milligrams accutane because I told her that last time I couldn’t handle the 20
training what happened this time is around the two-month mark I started
getting really anxious instead of having panic attacks anxiety
attacks but I had had anxiety attacks before so I had like an SOS medication
she told me to stick to it and just take the SOS medication if I had a panic
attack unless they were becoming too frequent
which would be like more than one a week eventually the anxiety subsided and the
depression kicked in you know it was like a snake a little bit and she sneaked
by past me even though this is my third time being on depression the second time
I didn’t mention because it wasn’t accutane related do you want to know more
about it you can check out my story here third depression alright actually kind
of fourth is my third depression was when I went off my antidepressants the
first time that was rough my first depressive symptom is
sleepiness like no other this is what I was talking about in my chatty winter
tutorial as well I can’t even open my eyes sometimes and it’s not just in the
morning when I wake up it’s the other day I was eating dinner and just mid
dinner it kind of dawned on me I could not open my eyes I had to stop eating
dinner because I couldn’t open my eyes it was like paralyzing they just want to
shut and the more you tried to open them up it’s like prying them open it’s
horrible it’s a kind of exhaustion but it feels like your body’s wrapped in
ropes and people are just pulling the ropes down and you’re trying to get up
but you know they pull you down of course emotional breakdowns yelling
at everybody crying at everything and then I was like oh here it is again
so as that started to deepen a little bit I just decided to stop taking accutane been off accutane for about two weeks and I’m gonna see my
doctor on Monday hopefully we’ll either find another treatment or find a balance
and we’re gonna get this done but yeah so basically I just wanted to give
you my personal experience with accutane I know lots of people who have taken
accutane and have never had depression again I think this is something that
only affects people who have already the depressive tendencies or history of
depression in any case accutane is not something to be taken lightly because
it’s a very serious drug I should probably start by saying this in the
beginning but you cannot get pregnant you have to actually sign a document
saying you will take responsibilities for deformities in your child if you do
get pregnant you also can shouldn’t be drinking on it
it does heighten the alcohols like abilities to make you drunk so you will
get drunk a lot faster and it’s just not good for the treatment course so try not
to drink you also cannot like go on vacation to sunny places you have to try
to avoid too much direct sunlight and then there’s the side effects really
really dry skin your hair also really dries up for most people this is not a
concern because most people have oily hair when they do have acne I myself am
a unicorn I like to be different so much that I have dry hair and acne which is
dry hair and oil in my skin when I’m on accutane my hair gets so so dry it
starts breaking apart I usually wash my hair every two to three weeks now so you
can imagine the lack of oil existence right now it’s a little I know it looks
a little oily because I basically I washed it yesterday and I basted it in
oil because it will absorb within two days and then be a crackled mess first
some actually cut my hair into a pixie cut it was right after my accutane
treatment because it was so brittle it was just painful on my scalp there are
tons of other side effects that I did not mention because they didn’t affect
me personally but you can get so so many oh I also get really dry eyes and that’s
why my eyes are so so red all the time and they get really sensitive I cry like
when I get a little bit of cold weather outside or wind I just cry and cry and
cry they got really red and like painful even anyway the list of side effects is
this and then this so any of these can affect you okay so there was a car alarm
ringing for about half an hour and don’t remember where I left off but I think I
was nearing an end it’s really one of those medications that I would research
a lot about I would ask your doctor a lot of questions before you go on it and
if you do go on it try to monitor yourself if you have someone close to
you like family your boyfriend your sister your best friend your roommate
whatever that can also kind of monitor your behavior because sometimes you’re
so into yourself you don’t realize but yeah that is my accutane story so far
I’m pretty sure we’re not gonna just stay here and there’s gonna be more out
of this story so keep posted and then meantime you have any more questions
about accutane and I know the answer I will try to sort it out in the comment
section down below so leave me all the comments leave me all your experiences
as well with acne accutane and depression or all three
don’t comment me how I can cure my acne by doing blah blah blah or drying out
this product or not eating whatever cuz know we’ve been there we’ve done that if
you like this video give it a big ol thumbs up subscribe to the channel and
if you want to know what happened after my visit to the doctor I’m gonna put it
on Instagram stories and I’m gonna highlight it see you soon


  1. A Diane35 é uma bomba…Eu há coisa de 4 ou 5 anos tomei-a durante 6 meses até que tive de parar. Foi o meu médico de família/enfermeira da área de planeamento familiar que ma recomendou e ainda hoje não sei bem como. Eu nunca tinha tomado nada (pílula in this case) e well…aquilo realmente ajudou com o acne e com as dores. Mas deu-me cabo do meu sistema nervoso…eu tinha ansiedade 24/7 e chegava a não ter força para me levantar. Acabei por a largar porque se por um lado ajudava, por outro "estragava".

  2. The side effects are scary. Is it possible to go on antidepressants on it? Very frustrating! You are beautiful no matter! 💜

  3. Acho que foi a primeira vez que ouvi alguém descrever a minha situação! Infelizmente desde os 12, 13 anos que tenho acne. Hormonal, como o teu. Em tempos tinha a cara toda em ferida, juntando ao meu eczema atópico era uma festa. Fui trocando de pilula, usei a Diane 35 e também eu senti todos esses efeitos – engordei, deixava-me super mal disposta, o meu organismo não aceitava de todo. Como é possivel alguem tomar aquilo e sentir-se bem? Lol.. Depois de mil e uma tentativas de exterminação desta praga, comecei ha um mes e meio a Isotretinoina. Li tanto sobre o assunto e à medida que ia lendo ia chorando por dentro. Sao tantos os efeitos secundarios.. Ouvi de tudo: pessoas que mal sentiram os efeitos, pessoas que desistiram, pessoas que passam um mau bocado e hoje têm pele de bebe. Neste momento, sinto muito esse tal cansaço absurdo, estou sempre cheia de sono, quer durma 2horas ou 16. Boca sempre rachada, um desanimo gigante. Estou a tentar ver pelo lado positivo, mas confirmo que nao e nada facil.. A tua pele esta MUITO melhor. O que eu sinto na minha é a sensibilidade. Qualquer coisinha faz logo reação, se passar o desmaquilhante com mais força salta pele e sangra imenso.. Não sei se tambem sentes isso. Apesar disto tudo, sou das sortudas que tinha o cabelo oleoso e agora secou.. Não totalmente, mas ja passo dois dias sem lavar 😂 Força ai! Vai tudo dar certo. Ja agora, recomenda me por favor uma base que nao me faca parecer um deserto, because dryness is real 😫😂😘

  4. I’ve had acne for about 2 years, I started accutane for the first time about 2 weeks ago, I’m currently 14 hopefully the side effects won’t be too bad 😬

  5. I think you're lovely. I keep coming back to your channel – I have acne too. I am 35, nearly 36. I have put off any western medication for nine months, and have tried seemingly everything. Herbs, cutting out gluten, dairy, alcohol, switching to only natural skin care, acupuncture, blue light therapy. I have been on accutane once when I was about 19. It cleared my skin perfectly for two years. But then it came back. The only time it has been clear was then, and also on the pill. So… although I have been putting it off for as long as possible, I feel like it's now my only option! I am hesitant to go back on it, as when I have come off it, my skin goes mentally bad! I haven't tried antibiotics yet, but everything I have researched says it will just come back, plus upset your stomach. I have a phone chat lined up with my dr tomorrow!

  6. God, I feel this struggle so much. I've got extremely frustrating hormonal acne in the 'beard area' as well, and it has just wrecked my skin. My doctor just put me on Spironolactone for it. I've only been taking it for a week but my fingers are crossed- and no side effects so far, which is good.

  7. After 8 years I found my cure and that's epiduo given. BY my GP and antibiotics as well mine was extreme grows inside the skin and super painful

  8. Hi Raquel! I absolutely feel you. I've been on accutane for 1 year and 8 months. It's been almost two months since my dermatologist decided I've taken enough for my acne to stop. We'll see! I've got a bunch of new creams that he recommend me to make it more difficult for my acne to come back, but I'm not positive that my skin is gonna stay this nicer forever hahaha.
    For a silly side note, it's impressive how pale I'm right now and living in the south of Spain that isn't easy!
    Now that you've talk about side effects such as depression, anybody told me, anybody told me what I was going to go through which pissed me off a lot when I realized that what I was feeling wasn't normal. For a while I thought I was just simply going insane and anybody understood. I've cried a lot, sleep a lot and always feelt tired and just woke up to this sadness and pain that you can't understand why it's there. It's been rough but now I feel much better. I told my dermatologist and he simply said it was the birth control that make me moody. I still don't understand why depression doesn't seem like something to worry about for him.
    Some parts of this journey really make me thing about why clear skin means so much and about my mental health and how little I take care of myself in those terms. I've always had this tendencies to sadness (never diagnosed but been in that state before) but I've never think it could go so far.
    Anyways, sorry for the rant. I really appreciate that you are so open about mental health. Thanks a lot.
    You're sooooo lovely! <3

  9. Hi Raquel, hope you're doing well. I've had acne since puberty, so for about 10 years now. I started my first course of accutane couple of days ago but I don't have high hopes since my acne is hormonal as well. I know you said you don't want suggestions on how to cure acne… but, I've heard about a drug for treatment of hormonal acne, spironolactone. Apparently the fact that it cures acne is a side-effect that was noticed, but the drug is not prescribed as a standard treatment for acne yet (but some dermatologists prescribe it anyway). If accutane results don't last I think I will give it a try. Maybe you should look into it if you have relapse again after this course of accutane and ask your dermatologist about it in case it could be helpful for you.

  10. Hi Mendes iam on accutane currently first time. iam starting my six month today, one and a half month to go, my question is how do you know when to stop talking accutane and acne will not come back cause iam still having breakouts…btw you're sooo cute.

  11. oh my whole female family have this! COULD THIS BE WHY I HAVE SHITTY ACNE AND IT WONT GO? My two identical triplet sisters had to have emergency surgery over ovary cyst nearly killing them! My mum had to have her lady insides removed! and Birth control messes with me bad! mentally and physically!

  12. Since you have been on Accutane for a while, is it normal for acne to randomly come back while on Accutane? I’ve been on accutane for 6 months and the acne I’m currently getting is Cystic acne and I only used to get them one at a time, now I’m getting 5-6.

  13. Personally I did accutane and it didn’t help that much if anything all it changed was my emotions. I went off of it and I might go back on and I really don’t want to cause I hated it so much.

  14. I can relate! I also have hormonal acne… As long as I was on the birth control pill it stayed away. I did not want to be messing with my hormones anymore and was having mental health side effects so decided to go off of it. I want to try Roaccutane now because I have tried everything else and nothing has worked.

  15. I used to have terrible acne on my face, back,shoulders, and upper chest. I was on 70mg a day and honestly i didnt feel the side effects apart from dry skin and photosensitive, then one dat it hit me like a truck and i felt like shit constantly, i didnt feel myself no matter who i was with, my gf, friends or parents and i was often very short fused. But honestly i can still say its worth it and the trade off is worth it in my opinion

  16. One doc told me hormonal acne will come back even with accutane.I have very mild pcos but mild peristent acne for 8 years (19-27…) Fucking hopelessness.Tried dermatologists,gynaecologists,homeopathy,endocrinologists…Nothing
    helped. My skin breaks out like always and it looks like i'm always on my period.For what i red and what docs told me hormonal acne will ALWAYS COME BACK when u stop any medication. You have to take it all the time.I refuse to take accutane or any birth control pills.Did yours come back after accutane?

  17. I really get it. I was on accutane for a month and a half (I had to take these pills for seven months), and today i stopped this treatment. I can't handle the depression and anxiety anymore.
    But, for anybody that's reading this, know that I had had these mental health problems in the past.
    Be careful with medicines.

  18. ive just been prescribed accutane and have a panic disorder, depressive tendencies, have been suicidal, and have had one psychotic break and like i feel like i shouldnt take it but its breaking my heart bc idk what else to do with my skin. i hate acne lol

  19. I was on accutane for the full course and it totally fixed my acne and my skin is amazing now…but…i tried to kill my first boyfriend, I went into horrible depression that lasted 15 years…it's so crazy. But perfect skin 🤕😐

  20. I am on Accutane at the moment, about to go onto my 2nd month on 20 mg. The side effects have not been too bad for me so far. I have definitely​ had some really bad breakouts and haven't seen any real results yet. At all. How long did it take for you to start seeing any real results?

  21. I've had acne for 10 years now… started Accutane in October and am video logging the process because I am ready to see RESULTS!!

  22. Hey i came to watch your views on accutane but than i was in awe of your beautiful eyes <3 _ <3. Also slightly jealous <3

  23. This is another drug to watch out for: The most prevalent side effect of accutane is permanent sexual dysfunction but no one is talking about it because the victims are mostly young, ashamed, and in bad health. They are traumatised and hopeless and we need to consider if this has contributed to the many suicides. Do your research and please warn kids because this is not right. If you think the Pharmaceuticals companies and the regulators don't know about this you would be wrong – they don't care! I should add that you should not trust your doctors – they are not the ones who have to live with the consequences, you are! You can probably find me by going to Repairing the Long term Damage from Accutane, Acne .org

    Not unlike antidepressants.

  24. It’s very weird that everyone got depressed after accutane and anxiety and stuff. My mental health became so much better after accutane I’m still on accutane but honestly I became more confident and before it I wasn’t like actually happy now I am like really happy. I know what happiness is like it’s weird to describe but accutane has a good affect on my mental health

  25. Just came to this video as I’m on Accutane and it’s given me really bad anxiety- this video is reassuring❤️

  26. I'm wondering why it is that everyone reports depression as one of the symtoms – accutane/isotretonoin doesn't cross the blood brain barrier. I'm about to go on it, and I'm super nervous for all the side effects…. but the things I would do for clear skin :/

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *