Meet My Alters / Personalities | Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)


Hi everyone! In this video I
thought I’d introduce you to my various personalities. How this
is going to work is several, but not all, are going to have a
segment where they talk freely, without a script. The only
part that is scripted is this beginning part. Because what
they will say is unscripted and uncut, it is very difficult
for me to do because I feel like some of it can be quite
revealing. Things that I wouldn’t normally discuss or
that are just not part of my character. The ones that will
speak on their behalf are the protectors, Autumn and Iris, the
host, the sexual alter, and some other one that I don’t know what
is going on. So, many of these are actually shown in a short
video I did some time ago. If you would like to view it, just
click on the image up there. I really loved this video. It
was fun to produce, thought was difficult to watch some of it
because it brought back some bad memories. Anyway, there are
a few things I would like to clarify first. When I say “I” in
all these videos that I do, I do not mean “I” as in the
personality talking to the camera. Rather, I am primarily
referring to the dominant personalities. The host and both
protectors are the ones that are in control almost all the time.
So, that is what I mean by “I.” This video, however, will break
that rule and when they say “I” they will mostly be
referring to themselves, talking about themself in particular.
Another thing is, I realize all these personalities are me.
Again, “me” meaning my entire person as a whole. Some people
who dissociate from an aspect of themselves don’t acknowledge
a particular side of them. I however have learned this and
it helps tremendously since denial is very very bad and a
big part of this disorder. Since I have been able to do this, it
is quite easy for me to accept them. Additionally, the line
is somewhat blurred between the dominant ones at least as
they share many of the same characteristics. They can have
different views and opinions on things, but I see them all as
one in the same. Now, there are sides to myself that I still
have a very difficult time accepting, particularly the
sexual side. I say I’m not a sexual person at all, but have
learned to step back from that statement and say, “You know
what, I’m in denial, that’s a lie.” To me, since I denied my
sexual side, I never even knew about it until I realized,
“Yeah, I have a sexual side and it has a mind of its own.”
Acceptance is very important. It is easy to switch on command
when relaxed. I discussed this and how DID correlates with
hypnosis in my proof of DID video if you are interested.
However, this can really only happen for me when at home
and alone, where I spend 95% of my time anyway. When I’m out
or just in a very stressful situation, it may not be too
great and can be uncontrollable and frustrating.
So, let the introductions begin! Hi, my name is Autumn. I am one
of the protectors. How I like to view the protectors are, you
have the host, and then you have the first protector which is me,
and then you have the second one which is Iris. And these are how
they correlate with the host. In other words, like how similar
they are I guess to the host. I am the primary protector. I’m
the one that is usually out most of the time. And, I’m also the
one that is probably the most similar to the host in that I
suffer with a lot of mental problems. Not as bad, I
definitely can see things more logically and rationally.
But, not as much as the second protector. So, I guess
that’s kinda what I’m getting at by…you have the host all the
way down here, and then me, and then the second one. So, I… well, I don’t know what else to
say. I guess…this is my style. Just dark, black, Goth
style. That’s just what I like. I don’t really know
what else to say. I’m losing my train of thought. Well, I guess you could say
I, you know, take a lot of the abuse for the host. Since I am
the one that is usually out the most, any kind of thing that is
said whether it be online or out in person, there certainly
are probably the most amount of insults online, because that’s
where I spend most of my time here on the Internet. So but, in
person there’s definitely been some occurrences as well. So,
I’m the one who just takes that and just kinda just laughs at
it like, “Come on?!” I mean, if you’ve seen the Q&A videos that
I do I just laugh at that crap that people say it’s so
ridiculous. So, that’s primarily what I do. Other than that I
guess there really isn’t too much to know about me. So, yeah! Hi, this is Iris. I am the
second protector, but also not out as often. I am very
optimistic and positive. I am generally more relaxed and calm.
I really help the host with her mental problems. I do not
really struggle with any kind of problems myself. I can get
nervous at times of course. But, for the most part I am generally
very positive, very optimistic, and very relaxed. I can see
things very rationally and clearly. I am the one that
the host really looks up to and would really like to be someday
in terms of how I think and how I act because I am so positive
and so easygoing, I guess you could say. I am also a very
spiritual and philosophical person. I am also…regarding
abuse I am able to let it go. I do not fixate my attention on
it or obsess over it like the host unfortunately does. My
style is very different from the other ones. They generally wear
a lot of dark colors and I am the opposite of that. I
generally wear a lot of whites and I like teals. I like to
experiment differently with my makeup and I like to wear my
hair a little differently, like generally I part it on the side
versus in the center. I just like to do different things.
Different things that I like that are unique and creative and
really express who I am. Another thing is, I tend to talk a
little different than the other ones. I think this is because of
how relaxed and calm that I am. I tend to have a slightly higher
voice at times. I also move my mouth a little differently I’ve
noticed, like I can…you can tell like how my mouth is moving
I can enunciate a lot better. I don’t have any real problems
with stuttering or getting my words out. I can generally
talk freely without any kinds of problems. And as I said, I
guess this is because I can talk slower, get my words out, and
I’m just overall more relaxed and calm and it’s not difficult
for me to really do anything stressful because I can
perceiver because of how calm and relaxed I am during it. So, that is pretty much me.
Thank you for taking the time to listen about me! Hi. It’s very hard for me to do
this video because I don’t like having videos of myself online.
And, I see them on there and I don’t know why there are
videos of myself on there. And, I do wanna delete them all. I
don’t want anything to do with them or communicating with
people. I don’t like talking with people. Especially with all
the negative things people say. Because it may not seem like it
affects me at all, but yeah it does. People saying
rude, hateful things. Saying I just made a whole bunch of
mistakes with things. And just, so many other things.
And…I don’t know… Just, reading back those
hateful, hateful things is just really really upsetting. And, I
don’t know why there are videos of myself online saying
things that I don’t talk about. I don’t get it. Because, I realize that at one
point something was said that I didn’t delete any comments
or anything and that’s a lie because I have. Because it was
just too bad. And then it’s like I block the people on there and
then they go away…and I don’t know what I’m doing anymore with
that. I just wanted it to all go away. And thanks to stupid
Google, all those bad comments are right up top, so yeah
that’s even better. Because it’s already bad enough to read those
comments and then to get them right up top and then a
whole bunch of people liking the comment and agreeing with
them, and then…yeah… Why? I mean even just the good ones
are…well they’re not good at all because they’re all bad.
Because what happened is the supposed good ones all have a
hidden motive, people have. They do, yes they do. Because when I read a ‘good’
comment, it is not good. I don’t perceive it as good. Because
what I see is a hidden motive just to make me think that it’s
good, but it is really not good. And, it’s very very bad. So, I
just…I don’t know what I’m doing on there. I don’t know
why videos are on there. I don’t know why I’m talking about
things on there. I don’t want to be on there. I just want to
delete them all, not talk to anyone, not associate with
anyone. That is what I want to do. Because I do not like people
because they are very very mean. All of them. They all are. And,
you can’t tell me otherwise. Because, if you do, if you say,
if you say, “Oh, I’m not trying to do you harm. I’m not trying
to hurt you.” You know what the first thing I’m going to think
of is? That you’re trying to make me believe that
you’re not but you really are. Because you are. So yeah. So, I recorded this video and I
don’t want it online but this is going to go online,
I know it. It sucks. Hey guys and girls, it’s time
for my introduction. What is my name? Well, my name doesn’t
matter. All that matters is all this. All this. For you see, I am very good at
seducing people. Just to get them to do what I want. Right
now I am seducing you and you don’t even know it. It’s so easy
to seduce, especially men. They are so easy. I don’t even have
to do a single thing and they’re already working for me. So, what is there to know
about me? What else would you like to know about me? Well, let’s see here. Let’s
just say that I keep getting repressed. All the sexual
desires I have keep getting repressed. And, that only makes
me stronger. They keep trying to block me out, trying to make me
seem like I am not worthy. And that only makes it worse for
them because then that helps me become much more sexual. So, they say that they’ve never
had sex. But come on, do you honestly believe all this has
never experienced something? Well, I guess it depends on
if you consider rape to be losing one’s virginity.
Yes, I did that. But, that was back when I was a
male. Yes, can you believe this was a male? I bet you can’t, not
at all. Because you can’t tell. But, it’s so much nicer being a
female now. So much easier to seduce men. But, what’s the
difference? When I was a male, the hormones really, really
made the sex drive really really high. I was much more active as
a male. I was very kinky. I did a lot of crazy things that
you’re not going to know anyone else that does. Not anyone. Now,
there is no sexual drive. And that drives me crazy. Just like
you right now watching this, you’re driving me crazy. I don’t
even see you but you are. What else should I say? Let’s just say that it’s a lot
nicer being a female now. As I said before, it’s a lot easier
to seduce. But, I’m not allowed to be sexually involved. They
have a lot of control over me. They really do. Well, as much as I would love to
just take off my clothes right here on the camera, I can’t
because it’s YouTube. You’ll have to find me on a different
site. But, I’m not allowed. I’m not permitted to go on those
sites. Oh well. Maybe one day if they keep blocking me out I’ll
grow so strong that they won’t be able to control me.
That’s my goal. They won’t be able to control me forever. So, until we see
each other again, wishing you all a goodnight. Alright, I’m making this video
because this girl that you watch is fake. Totally fake.
Everything she says is fake. I don’t get it. I don’t get why
she keeps saying that. I keep saying…really? You’re going to
play this game. Oh my gosh, no. We’re not going to play this
game. I just keep saying that. Just totally, totally fake. I
just, I don’t get it. How could anyone believe her…Oh, looks
like I’m being fake now, aren’t I? Alright, let’s get real here,
let’s get real. You wanna see real? I’ll show you real? Ok, I
keep telling her just how fake she is. Just saying, “You are so
fake.” Oh, I’m being fake right now that’s what I’m being.
So fake. This is going to be all cut out. Fake. Fake. Fake. Fake. Alright look, I’m making this
video because this girl that you watch on these videos is totally
fake. Everything she says, everything she dealt with, fake.
Well, you know, her experiences that she went through are not
fake. But, just all these mental disorders? I mean, how could
anyone exaggerate so much? And not only that, she thinks she’s
helping people with that crap. How could anyone believe her, or
how could she think that she’s helping anyone
because of how fake she is? It really pisses me off because
I keep saying how fake she is. And by ‘she’ I mean me, because
it’s me. But, you know, just by saying that it’s like
dissociating right there but it’s not. Because I am her
and she is me. I keep saying that and she’s like,
“Oh no, I’m not you.” And just, stupid, stupid… She just doesn’t listen. You
know I say, “Why don’t you make a video, you know, apologizing
to everyone for how fake you are. By how you’re saying all
these lies. How much you’re exaggerating.” And all this
stuff and she’s not going to do it. So, that’s why I thought I’d
do it. But, I am her, she is me and she knows that. She
plans everything. Everything is planned out beforehand. This
conversation right here, this was planned out. This was
recorded several times because I didn’t say the
right things. And by me I mean her and she knows that. She is so fucking fake.
Can’t you see that? Now, what she went through in
her life, that is real with what she said. But, she exaggerates
these mental problems so much. These people online who say
that, this one person said, “Oh, you use these mental problems to
make yourself seem more unique.” You know what they got
it, they understand. And another message I had
to record this after the fact. This person get’s it 100%: I think you are a conniving
person. Just a gut feeling about you based on what you say about
yourself squared against your looks, knowledge and your
persona. I’m thinking half of the personal details you share
are embellishment/mistruth. Maybe you’ve learned to be
dishonest/deceptive to help with your transgender trauma so I’m
not labelling you a bad person ok. I hope I don’t trigger any
bad feelings in you. Maybe I’m the paranoid one for
saying this! Just I don’t buy a lot of what you’ve said. Yeah! Why can’t you all
understand and realize already that she is fake. Please
don’t be oblivious to this. Open your eyes people. She just looks at that and just
starts getting so upset. It’s like, “You know what? That
person is right. Stop being fake, stop overthinking it, stop
doing all this.” There is no multiple personality thing
going on. There’s no mental problems going on. So, I don’t know. Now, I understand that people
do struggle with these sort of things. But this girl, this one
right here, no, she doesn’t. So, how could she possibly help
anyone if she doesn’t experience it herself? She tries to turn
this attention…just…I’m just getting very very angry at this.
So hopefully, if she doesn’t cut this part out. Which you know
what? She’s not going to cut this out because I’m sitting
here saying, “Oh, she is gonna cut this out.” And, she’s not
going to cut it out now because she’s going to prove me wrong.
She’s going to put it online and we’ll see just how many people,
how many people can see how fake she is and how many people she
loses on there. That’s another thing. She just gets…when she
sees these other people online who are like more popular making
these types of videos, she gets so upset like, “Oh, I want
all the attention. I want all those people.” And I’m
just like, I just want to punch her in the fucking face. Alright, I’m going to say one
more thing. And that one more thing is that she is fake.
Don’t believe anything she says. Because I will know because I am
her, she is me. I know what she does, she knows what I do, we
all know what we all do because there is no ‘we’ there is only
‘I.’ She just overthinks it all, causes her own problems, and
does her own thing. She only has herself to blame. So
stupid. So fucking stupid. Don’t believe her, that’s
all I’m going to say. Ok? Don’t believe her. That’s going
to be the end of this video. So, I hope this video was
informative and helped you get more insight into my world.
Thanks for watching!

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