Living with Bipolar disorder type II – CATHERINE | MISTAG

I feel that the word crazy which is projected unfortunately to some individuals who are struggling with some
mental health issues a very judgmental humiliating personally damaging and does not describe human beings in that way at all. No from a personal standpoint I have not through the layers of different challenges of my life at times I have doubted myself in that maybe the potential question has been
why why me? going through various situations and trauma in my life but I have never felt that I’m crazy. I feel that somebody being in my in my thoughts in my mind in my person at times would feel quite a quite challenged it may be a combination of medication and also just through my life
experiences that there are days when I feel somewhat scattered even as I speak now trying to make
sure that my thought process is sequential that always tends
to be a challenge and in talking to people for the first time usually always
worrying and thinking you know are they going to be able to understand what I’m
saying so I think for an individual to experience where I’m at they might be a
little more compassionate and empathetic. Through my daily experiences and my
challenges that I have one thing that I have noticed is the behavioral cognitive
therapy that I’ve been taught with my bipolar II that I was diagnosed with I am
more in tune that I do have rapid cycling which means not extreme highs or
extreme lows but they vary some days I can be a little bit you know in a
happy state of mind and other days feeling rather depressed so I will utilize the tools of music make sure that I’m surrounding myself with people
and that I do stay connected so it is a challenge at times but using your your
thought processing your mind first to try and flip those negative thoughts and
just remain positive. Some of my daily struggles are just
through the challenges that I’ve had in my life and maybe where I am at the
moment living in a basement apartment can be somewhat of a struggle just to be
able to you know keep reminding myself to get up that day to carry on to stay
lifted with people is extremely extremely important remember a good time
when I was really the way I could describe it is like flatlining you know
like a flatline on a hospital monitor really not feeling any emotion
whatsoever and so that’s a place that I really don’t want to go back to again
and just yeah it’s always remembering to move forward and to keep the positive
and happy mindset I’m fearful that more and more people
are taking their lives through depression with my brother taking his
life and going through very challenging
situations and depression I think that we still really need to bring more
awareness to what is happening people look at this you know mental health and
right away they think oh you know this person has challenges or they’re on
medication better stay away from them when really we need to be more aware of
the signs that are associated with that individual and depression for example
they’re withdrawing from society they may you may not hear from them their
eating habits may change rather than passing those things off we need to be
aware and be in tune of these things because this is when people you know our
suicide rate is way too high that’s the thing that I fear really it’s very overwhelming in this world now hearing about the people that are taking their
lives and we need to keep bringing more awareness to society into the world I’m
so passionate about this we have an epidemic now of suicide and it’s it
needs to start within the relationships the friendships people the closest to
us we need to be able to see these signs and become more aware of them. I like to sing I need to yeah I I love to sing I go to church I love to sing I need to yeah I need to get back into
some hobbies. My social life right now is very minimal
you know within my my job as a cashier that’s probably where I’m you know
seeing customers and going to church but I definitely need to branch out in
my social life I’m connected very well to ladies here in Oakville and in
Toronto as well and I really need to start sharing my story and and get
better connected I know that. One of the key points that I can
remember back to was losing two family members and then my brother’s suicide
after that it was a time where as I was saying previously about not really having any feelings I was put on my first medication looking back I would
encourage those who are feeling depressed or have lost your appetite you
know yourself better than anyone else reach out to someone and talk to them
and I could turn back the clock and not be on any medications that would be my
choice because they do have adverse effects some even that can make one feel
suicidal so if at all you can stay away from the medications that would be good
on another hand sometimes we need to take them for a brief period of time
just to be able to get us through at the particular moment but I’m not really so
much of an advocate on prescription medication now. I have had someone say to me you should
take your pills today or you’re a pill popper or yeah those kind of uneducated
comments right where an individual has no idea what those medications are for
or any of your background. Yeah I just would like to give a lot of
encouragement to people out there who are going through something very
difficult right now or just feeling that they’re not good enough or that they
just have feelings that they don’t belong I would encourage you to reach
out to even if it’s just one person reach out to one person and tell them
what you are going through be real and authentic there is no point in hiding
because I completely understand the depths of depression and where it can
lead you to so just remember that you’re a unique individual as you are and
there is hope keep connecting with people and that you have a great life
ahead of you just keep reaching out there are a lot
of a lot of people out there to support you and you are loved.

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