I Came Out To My Mom As Gay, But She Still Doesn’t Know I’m Also Transgender


– I noticed that something was wrong with me when I was in my first relationship with a girl. I knew that I’m gay since I was 13 and I’ve always loved being a tomboy. I hated playing a cute and fragile girlfriend as I did before while dating guys, forcing myself to wear girly clothes and act ‘cute’. That’s why I saw myself as ‘a boyfriend’ in this new relationship. So, soon as I realized that I’ve never felt comfortable being in my own body, I just started hating it. I was really worried so I started reading articles about gender dysphoria. Then it finally clicked – I’m transgender. I was so scared… But at the same time, I felt relieved. I could stop pretending that I was somebody else. I stopped wearing skirts, makeup, and started wearing men’s clothes and a binder. But well, my mom wasn’t happy about it. The thing is, my mom only knows that I’m gay. I suddenly came out to her when we were talking about a movie about homosexuals called “Beats Per Minute”. We had a long discussion and she just asked me: “Are you… too?” She wasn’t able to say the word “gay”. When I answered “Yes”, she didn’t say the usual stuff like, “It’s a phase”. She took a moment to think and said that it’s hard for her to understand but she respects my choice. But you see, my mom still doesn’t know that I’m transgender. She hates my boyish clothes but one day, she noticed that something was wrong with my chest. My mom had no idea that I was wearing a binder. She thought it’s a sports bra and immediately decided that we would go buy a ‘normal’ one. So, the next day we went to the store. I was so uncomfortable entering it… But I had promised myself to make an effort for my mom. So, I took the simplest bra and went to the fitting room. It was horrible. I was crying while I was putting the bra on. I asked myself, “Why I just can’t be like everyone else and love my body?” I just couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. My mom came to check if the bra was ok and when the salesgirl came, it became even worse. She said: “Oh, she has large breasts”. My mom told her that I didn’t like it and the salesgirl said: “Don’t worry, she will be proud of them later on. Boys will love it!” I just wanted to run out of the fitting room and scream: “I will never be proud of it because I AM a boy!” But I said nothing… Later, my mom told me she was afraid that I wanted to be a boy. I just replied: “I don’t want to become a boy, mom.” “I’ve always loved being a tomboy, but I’m a girl and I like that.” Well, that was the biggest lie I’ve ever told her. But today, things are slowly changing. Not long ago, I talked to my mom about LGBTQ+ and she wanted me to explain what “transgender” actually meant. I told her so much about it and I was so excited that she surely understood that I AM transgender. Eventually, she said, “I’m not going to ask you what you are because I’m not ready to hear it yet.” That meant she knew I’m different but it’s too early for her. I think it’s kind of a coming out for me and I feel relieved. And well, if you’re dealing with gender dysphoria, I just want to say: be patient. It may be hard for you, but you also should understand it’s difficult for your parents as well. As for me… I just want to wait until I am fully comfortable with my own body. Then I will be able to fully come out as transgender. And I hope my mom will be ok with that.

100 comments

  1. This story reflects the struggles that transgender people deal with in their everyday lives.

    Maybe you’re also struggling with your gender identity? Or maybe you have your own coming out story? Share and discuss in the comments below!

  2. I am a 11 year old boy and I feel like I should be a girl but my parents are religious and they don’t support lgbtq+

  3. You're not a transgender naive teen! A transgender has to undergo taking testosterone/estrogen, and a surgery.

    I feel, think, and act more like a boy than a girl. However, do I jump to the conclusion of being a trans, absolutely not! I embrace both my dominant masculinity and my submissive femininity. That doesn't mean you have to do the same, but instead of stating you're a trans, embrace your inner masculinity.

  4. I'm transgender and coming out wasn't the best decision I made because I lost my entire family over it any advice?

  5. You should probably tell your mom. If she accepted your sexuality then she’d accept the gender you chose. Just don’t feel as though it’s unnatural cause you have to find yourself and if you can’t accept yourself then who will?

  6. I am ftm and my mom is a homophobe, so i may come out once my brother ends up bisexual or gay. (I think he is bisexual)

  7. While I do respect her gender identity and see that she had done the research I think people have a large misconception of what makes a girl. Being a girl does not mean that you have to wear cute girly outfits or makeup and by no means do you have to act fragile. It feels like to me she didn't really understand what being a girl entails and simply acted out what she felt girls we're supposed to do which supports her claim of never feeling like a girl and instead a guy since it seems like she was going through the motions of what she felt she should do.

    As a kid, I dressed like a little boy even though my mom bought me more than enough cute girly outfits I was never really interested in wearing them. I never liked playing with Barbie Dolls and would play my brother's video games instead. I've taken martial arts since I was a child and can probably best most men I meet in the streets because of it. Yes now that I am older I do like cute outfits and occasionally wear lipgloss, but I am still a tomboy by behavior.

  8. Ok that salesgirl is so f*cking stupid, "Boys will love it", I swear to god If someone said that to me I would punch them right in their face or at least start arguing… Why the f*ck should I be "proud" of the size of my breasts just to impress someone else? (I love them as they are, but I'm just giving an example)

  9. I have a half brother who is transgender, our family excepted her, now she is living it up in San Francisco, people need to learn to except the LGBTQ+ community, love others as the human beings, erase the hate.

  10. See I'm not sure if immtrans or not. I do want to pass as a guy but that might be cuz I just feel better like that, but at the same time I don't hate being a girl.m

  11. As a Christian woman it is a sin against God to be gay and transgender that you will be sent to Hell by your wicked sinful ways of life unless you ask God for forgiveness for what you have done. Even in the Bible it says it is a sin against God to be gay.

    You shall not lie with man as with a woman, it is an abomination leviticus  (18:22)
    If a Man Lies with a male as with a woman both of them have committed an abomination, they will surely be put to death their blood will be upon them leviticus (20:13)
    Do not follow the crowd when it does what is wrong, and don't allow the peoples popular View to sway you into offering testimony for any case if the effect will be to prevnet Justice! Do not follow the crowd! Exodus 23:2
    Don't be like the people of this world, but let God change the way you think. Then you would know how to do everything that is good and pleasing to him. (Romans 12:2)
    Our purpose is to please God, not people. He alone examines the motives of our hearts. 1 thessalonians 2:4   
    Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires, but those who live according to the spirit has the mindset of their spirit on what the spirit desires. The mind governed by The Flesh is death, but the mind governed by the spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6
    Do not love the world or anything in the world. If someone loves the world, love for the father is not in them. For everything in the world the lust of the Flesh, but lust of the eyes, and the pride of the life comes not for the father but  from the world.  1 John 2:15-16 
    Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good pleasing perfect will. (Romans 12:2-21)
    Joyful are people of integrity, who followed the instructions of the Lord. Joyful are those who obey the laws and search for him with all their hearts. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his path. Palms 119:1-3
     woe to them who let their pride condemn them to hell. (Mark9:43-48)
    If my people who are called by my name, will humbly ask themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their Wicked Ways, then I will hear from heaven and I will forgive their sins and heal their land. 2 chronicles 7:14  
    Jesus answered, what is written, man shall not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Matthew 4:4
    Weather I turn to the right or the left, your ear will hear a voice behind you saying this is the way, walk in it. (Isaiah 30:21)
    And take the sword of the spirit which is the word of God quick and Powerful. Ephesians  6:17 Hebrew 4:12
     For do I now persuade people or God? Or do I seek to please people? For if I yet pleased people, I should not be the servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10 
    Jesus said I am the way and the truth and the life. No one goes through my father except through me. John 4:6
    What was a sin 100 years ago will still be a sin 1000 years from now. God never changes. (Malachi 3:6)

  12. If i'm a parent and my son or daughter is gay I'm disowning them I'm out I'm getting a new family heck no I'm going to have a gay kid or daughter

  13. I'm out to my mom and most of my friends. My mom says that she's okay with it but I don't believe her, considering that she still forces me to act/dress like a girl and calls me she/her while using my deadname.

  14. I told my mom I'm ftm, and she prayed for me to be fixed.

    its been 3 months and she hasn't taken any of my hints of discomfort when she says "you're my daughter" or "She's my daughter." Another thing is my parents are both christian and I'm atheist and they have no respect for my lack of belief in God or any other things.

  15. I am a tomboy too I just don't like being a girl I don't wanna put on a bra or wear girl clothes I want a binder but I heard it is dangerous and I like boys not girls so I'm a straight person who wants to be a boy my family hates gay people and I think they hate trans people too idk but I'm not lesbian just because i want to be a boy I just like boys

  16. As someone who's genderfluid, I understand these problems. Hopefully for those who can't come out of the closet to their family but needs to vent, you can talk to me ^^

  17. For me it's body disphoria if I don't dress a certain way on a certain day I'd just feel awful especially when it came to party's with my biological mom always forcing me to wear a dress when came time for a special event

  18. This is actually me …. I've gone through this , I actually still am … My mother doesn't know in trans but she knows I'm pansexual … This is hard to go through and I'm stressed to go through the trans coming out thing and stuff . I'm scared and I don't wanna have to do this , why can I feel like me in my own body and why can't I be in my own body like everyone else 😔

  19. My mom feels that because she cant understand bi and pans that it doesn't exist. Its either one or the other qnd i hate ot

  20. I’ve been a trans male for years now, closeted though. It’s all been a tough struggle. This is prob fake but. I relate

  21. I'm one and 35 seconds through the video and I think his mom is pretty cool with the situation and I don't see why you won't tell her that your trans

  22. i honestly dont understand why he would say thats it difficult for parents too, i mean.
    i just want parents that help me with it instead of a mom acting tricky with clothes that I LIKE and a dad that jokes around, calling me girly because he knows id rather be a boy or them both thinking transgenders are trans when they take surgery

  23. My mom doesn’t support the lgtb community and I respect her opinion, but I’ll always be supportive to my people 😁

  24. All because your are transgender you don't have to automatically wear boy clothes like you can be transgender and wear girl clothes

  25. “Boys will love it. You’ll be proud of it one day.”
    Ugh, what if I’m not happy now? Isn’t that what matters? I don’t want to wait for happiness, because it never seems to come. I tried talking to my mom about feeling uncomfortable with my body and stuff and she just thinks it’s a phase and I don’t know what I’m talking about. I just want her to understand that that’s how I feel. Sorry about the rant.

  26. 1:30
    Me: choice…? CHOISE!? did she actually mean that being GAY is a CHOICE?!

    Edit: this is just a joke so don't take it too serious, plz don't hate

  27. im trans bu my gradma only know im pansexual..and in the summer she made me wear a dress and makeup i felt sad and disgusting

  28. I'm bisexual and very tomboy I hate any makeups, dresses, skirts and anything that's girly so I understand how this person feels about wearing clothes that makes you feel comfortable.

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