I Am Depressed


Hey you. So, I don’t really know how to talk about
what i’m about to talk about. So, I apologise if this video is just going
to be a big ol’ ramble, but whatever! Let’s do it! So, I’ve always been very up and down with
my emotions when I was younger. I got sent to a few therapists and they thought
I had Attention Deficit Disorder, Aspergers, Autism, basically they never really
got beyond the A’s on the list. But they kind of eventually ruled all those
out and just said “Nope, this kids fine. On your way.” And that was fine because it just meant that
for my life I spent a lot of my time accepting that if I had a problem that it
was just something I just needed to deal with. You know I had nothing to blame on it. I was overweight because I over ate. I was not getting anything done because i’m lazy. And whenever I wasn’t happy it was just because
I wasn’t doing enough to make my situation and my life better. And that was fine, but for the past couple
of years i’ve been kind of getting worse and worse in my head. And I kind of finally reached this point where
I caught myself going to bed at 8pm. Not because I was tired, but just because
I didn’t care about being awake anymore. And I decided that I was bored of being bored.
I just had no interests, no passions, no hobbies, no goals. I mean fuck I don’t… I lost interest
in playing video games and for me that’s when I know something is wrong. I didn’t want to do the things that I enjoy. And like I said I take responsibility for
my flaws and I didn’t like the idea of something being out of my control so I really had to
dig deep and suck it up and decide that I needed to go to a doctor. And my friends have been telling me this for
ages, but it was just kind of like… “I’ll get round to it” But I didn’t. I went to the doctor and then they gave me
this form and it was like all these feelings and it was like… Do you often feel worthless? Do you often
feel like a failure? Do you have no interest in anything? And it was from like… Very not true to extremely true. And I was going through all these things like… “Yes, yes, yes. Oh this is bad” And the only one I didn’t tick yes on was
a question that was… “Do you often have thoughts about killing
yourself?” To which… No. I’m maybe a lot of things,
but suicidal is not one of them. The closest I get to suicide is in my
videos and in my cartoons. And a lot of you have noticed the influx of
suicide jokes in my videos lately and I genuinely… I hate this, but I genuinely believe it was
subconscious. But please no one think that I am at any risk
of that. That is just not true. The problem is not that I want to die, it’s
that I just didn’t/don’t care about being alive anymore. But the doctor very quickly came to the assessment that… “Hey, you have severe depression.” And that was pretty tough to swallow and I
got put on these pills and they said I need to go and do therapy and sit on that sofa
and I think that it’s like it is in the movies. I don’t know. And I will, but that was just very intense
to kind of be told. But yeah, i’m on these pills now to kind of
fix my head. And it’s good and I’m cheering up and I’m
becoming a person that my friends want to be around again. And I’m starting to enjoy my life and enjoy
my job and it’s absolutely wonderful. And if this video has any point at all it’s
that if you feel like you might be depressed and I think the way to figure out if your
depressed is not… If you’re not happy and you’re in a bad situation.
If you’re unhappy with bad things then maybe you’re just unhappy. And those bad things
need to be dealt with. But if you’re unhappy in a good situation
and you don’t want to do the things you love anymore. If you don’t want to do something you don’t
want to do then don’t do that. But if you don’t want to do something you
do want to do then that’s when somethings wrong. But then again i’m not an expert on it, but
either way if you think you have depression please goto a doctor. Go talk to them about
it and like me start your road to getting better because there is nothing to be afraid
of. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just that your head isn’t making enough right
stuff to cheer you up. And I’m kind of okay with this. It’s still
a bit tough to swallow, but yep. I mean I accidentally missed the pill to make
me not unhappy for 24 hours and just I felt myself immediately snap back into just being
this walking corpse and it was horrible. So, no amount of talking with your friends
is going to help if you actually have what is essentially a mental illness… I think. I don’t know. I’m not the expert on this. So, do seek help. Please. So, that’s kind of it! That’s kind of what
has been going on right now. I’m a little bit broken in the brain place,
but I’m gonna get better. And it’s gonna be awesome and I am getting better. And if you are alittle bit broken the brain
place then please don’t be ashamed, don’t be afraid. Go to doctors. They will help. Yep. Okay, I’m gonna go back to making videos now. TomSka out!

100 comments

  1. I hate myself. I know it’s real and it hurts and it makes you feel horrible, but you can make it through this, I can make it through this. We can do this!

  2. I have two types of anxiety disorders, social and generalised, and I was depressed at one point for 3-4 years. My therapist didn't believe I was depressed, and didn't help. I told her that I wanted to die. "Oh, just anxiety making you sad" she made me laugh. And because of this I was too scared to tell her that I had self harmed, almost killed myself and had homicidal thoughts (Inside I realised I didn't want to hurt anybody, but I thought I would, I was becoming angry and frustrated and I felt like I would eventually snap. Of course I never did). I should have been on medication, and I knew it. Because she didn't diagnose me I was stuck in a loop of going in between thinking "I'm fine. I'm ok." to realising "I'm not fine. I'm falling."
    I was having panic attacks due to my severe anxiety, and I just wanted it to be over. I had to wait three to four years until I started to get better. I still feel depressed every now and again, but only sometimes, rather than it being a constant part of me like it was then. Instead of thinking "Everybody hates me" I now think "Everyone hates me. Well fuck them. I don't care."
    If you feel depressed or unusually anxious, then try to get help. Don't do what I did. Be honest with your doctor or therapist.

  3. I'm sure I have depression. My friend has been diagnosed and I relate to everything like all she feels due to her depression. I think I should get help but I don't feel like I'm worth it . This time last year I was getting counciling for attempted suicide. I don't want to die anymore but like Tom said I don't care about living or not. I began self harm also around that time also, and have realised I'm doing it in my sleep like scratching myself,punching walls and hitting myself and subconsciously using blades to feel pain and shit . I think I should tell my family but last time they thought it was nothing and just acted like it was a phase . What should I do.

  4. 1:13 That’s the exact way I am. I need help. Making animations on YouTube is the only thing that I’ve been interested in at all. I’ve quit everything I’ve started. Playing soccer, playing guitar, I can’t even have fun on a video game anymore! If anyone else has advice or the same situation, let me know.

  5. mmm ok so yeah this video has finally made me decide to go get checked out by a doctor to see if i have some mental health issues so yay… wish me luck

  6. Tom: nothing is exciting anymore..
    Matt: It's called growing up.
    Tom: actually it's called major depressive disorder, you fucking queer.

  7. How do you get through this? I relate so much but I just can’t anymore and I’m currently feeling that I am better off dead. Is there a way to get through or do you just slowly crumple away because I swear to god I just want to kill myself and be gone.

  8. Some people (like me) don't want to go to a doctor. not because we're afraid, but we've gotten so used to the feelings that it becomes part of you or it just starts feeling like the lows of depression are you're comfort zones. And also not all of us have access to a doctor for that stuff either, but if you're reading this then just know that the only true way to remission from this void is to get help.

  9. i know this video is old.
    but i personally relate. im young, twelve, actually. i used to starve myself because i was "chubby", i was soon abused by my oldest sister who just turned 19 today. it happened for six years of my life until i got a therapist, it didnt help much because i lied to him. i just completed my therapy last week. over the summer of 2017 i had the intense need to harm. i couldnt take it out on my friends, or family, not pets. i took it out on myself. i cut my knees and legs and thats why i no longer wear shorts or skirts. i am unhappy where i am. i am angry. im upset. i used to love to animate, i still do. but its hard to just keep up with it. i cant do it. it hurts to just live. it hurts to breath, it hurts to walk, it hurts to fucking talk. i came out as gay, or what i call gay (im bi), and when i came out about having a girlfriend, i was attacked, by people who i thought where my friends, i broke up with her lasy month because of it. someone at my school had asked me out, and now were dating, it was a boy this time. and now in getting things like "oh you lied to us! your not gay! your a liar!" and i dont want to fucking loose my boyfriend. he means so much to me. ive been getting messages telling me to kms (kill my self for people who dont know) and its pointing me to the vergde of actually fucking harming myself again. i dont want to fucking live like this. i dont want to live a fucking lie.
    i know i shouldnt even be coming out about this. your someone who lives far away from where i do, and from commenting this im exposing ny age and my problems. im sorry you have to go through so much shit. im so sorry.
    xx

  10. I am EXTREMELY FUCKING LATE because I didn’t watch your videos at the time this was uploaded. That was said because I wanted to say that I was also diagnosed with severe depression. At this point I think I have other things too, not gonna make this comment too long by going on about that. The differences are that
    I was suicidal but not when I was diagnosed
    And I’m 11 years old.

  11. Continue to strive and fight Tom, we all believe in you… We all love you so much💙💙💙💙

  12. Hey tom, your awesome. I've had depression since I was 9 and I'm the same way. YOU are my idol because YOU are awesome, YOU are tom ska. The man who saved a 12 year old life. So thankyou.

  13. Honestly, I have to agree with you about the suicide thing. Let me explain. Depression, honestly, is one of those things that can feel like it's not that bad, then hit you with a truck in the next moment. You can be having a great time, and laughing with you're friends, but there's this dread. It's honestly quite hard to describe, but there is one thing that I always keep in mind. No matter what I think, no matter how much I want to, I refuse to kill myself because that is unfair to those around me who do care for me. I consider suicide rather selfish, and if I die, I don't want it to be knowing I hurt my friends.

  14. what if your a doctor with depression and I would feel bad taking pills to make me feel better I would rather let my friends help and go to therapy not pills

  15. Omg Tom in so sorry! You know what, I kinda know how this feels cause I got my friend through her severe depression,so find Matt and your other best friends and they will get you through it 🙂 Good luck man pull through Tom your tough your strong you'll get through this bro ur amazing :3

  16. And I have an Anxiety Disorder so I technically have a mental illness too :3 (well it's more of a disorder really but u guys know what I mean)

  17. Soo haha…
    i took 6 online tests to see if I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
    I got severe BPD on all of them ;w; I think they were exaggerating, though.

    I've felt depressed for quite some time but I'm a minor and my mother doesn't believe me.
    So I can't get much help. And my weight goes up and down and everything seems just worthless…

    also, on an irrelevant note, I had the most sudden nosebleed at about 3 am today. First time i've had one.
    It just turned 5 am…
    I should get sleep.
    Have a great day/night!

  18. i went to 9 doctors and the pills does not help me at all…i attempted suicide several times and i dont know what to do

  19. I wish I could sit close of you and give you a really long hug. /I dunno If I write this right, I'm Brazilian, my english it's awful….

  20. I'm broken in the brain place too… trying to focus on creating instead of destroying myself. Trying to be like you, in a way

  21. You want to know something? You just helped a lot of people who couldn't of found the solution yourself. Don't you see? You have a purpose as a survivor you model hope to others. Thank you for your honesty its great to share that trait. continue making videos, its so great to have a friend like you. lots of love from sunny south africa

  22. I hate how much I relate so this…I’ve had the suspicion that I had depression but I don’t want to admit it…and now I see…..

  23. Like a plant – I’m alive but I’m not living. Everyday the same. Nothing to sleep for and nothing to wake for. Lately I’ve been having thoughts of ending stuff as I’m plagued by palpitations, they are relentless and physical as they have been picked up by various machines. Spent 3 years in bed. Have a house in Spain and all I wanna be is there but it’s so bed I can’t even get excited about that as my other half won’t leave his job. I don’t wanna talk. I hate the world apart from Spain . I’m so broken, I like you have absolutely no interest in anything at all. What’s the point of even writing this. It won’t help but at least you know someone somewhere knows what a demon depression is. If I die, it has to n I won’t feel it anymore or spend all my days crying

  24. If you eat shit, you feel like shit. Never forget – you are what you eat. It's as simple as that. If you diet is based on white flour produce, sugar and yeast, you're pretty much gonna have health issues.

  25. I know I am late but ppl love you we all love you but I am depressed as well ='( BUT GET WELL SOON (edit: I said my parents didn't love me and I got my ass beaten

  26. About 5 years ago, I began to fall under a really depressive episode. I believed if ever I have a brand new sweetheart I will go back to who I am before but I was completely wrong. Happy I never skipped on adhering to the steps that this depression therapy “fetching kafon press” (Google it) is suggesting. The results were simply astonishing..

  27. I wanna hug Tom.. hes been through tough times :'( and i relate so much to this i have the same thoughts as you Tom

  28. I can relate to this, the only difference is that part of me wants to die, and I'm afraid of that part. Even tho im that part too. Doctors are expensive.

  29. I remember watching this video years ago around when it came out and not being able to relate to what he's saying… I miss that… I just want to feel normal again, I want to enjoy things and stop being so brutally sad all the time

  30. i want to think how it feel and i passed to that too but for a reason

    i have stocked in my head this word well not only one

    "Dont kill ur self" "be happy all the time" "its not forever" "just imagine that its not a good bye its see you later"

    and now everytime i want to hide and cry
    i heard that and i change my mood

    i speak spanish but i heard it in english like a lil voice one sweet and calm

    idk if im crazy but thanks

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