When it was a smaller problem those were such small things that the car door wasn’t closed properly and vehicle became muddy. These are such small things. And then bigger than these things, was the news about the stock market crash. An even bigger news is that of a family member not being okay. But when only that small issue was present (car) when I kept on creating negative thoughts about it, what did I do to my state of mind? I had disturbed it I had disturbed it isn’t it? I became turbulent, disturbed and irritated. and in that state of mind when something bigger came up then what kind of thoughts will I be able to create in that bigger situation? Stability? No then it will start from that level then -Yes
-Already if I had reached a level, let’s say 60 -Right
-Then it will start from that level -Absolutely
-So it will start from 61, 62… -Absolutely
-It won’t start from zero again If there is 75 more then it will get added to the 60 My state of mind was that of irritation and then a big situation came up now what will happen to the state of my mind? It will become more turbulent and I will be like I create fear since the market has crashed. Apprehension, anxiety of the future and while all this is getting created, there is a phone call that something has happened to a family member. Now what quality of thoughts will get created? There’s a disaster here, there’s a disaster there, so many problems Now you will go even more turbulent because you were already turbulent. If that bigger thing let’s say, if the person had not taken a lift (the very first situation) and the news of the stock market crash was also not there (second situation), and you were travelling comfortably in your car and at that time you received a call that only something wrong has happened in your family, you are in a stronger state of mind to face that situation. You will be worried then as well you will still create scary thoughts, but what will be their magnitude? Because you are starting from being stable and then creating little turbulence. But if there was turbulence already in the small scene then when a biggest situation came, we created chaos. Why did we say that there is chaos in our minds? Because these small things happen routinely. Whereas bigger situations like all these challenges regarding a family member’s health or crisis in business or crisis in relationships – all these happen rarely. How many times will such situations come in a person’s life? Twice? -Four times?
-But for what I am talking about and you are explaining is there a remedy Like a medicine or some solution like how you give the example of mathematics -Is there no simple solution to this?
-There is a simple solution now next time if someone asks you for lift Let us not take bigger things right now this is again another equation Do not try and change yourselves in big situations. We expect to stay stable when there is a very big problem. It is not going to happen right now. -Let us only take care…
-How do we start? In little things. -And little things means
-Like in case of the plastic packet of chips -the sound that packet was making
-Absolutely or if someone got off the car leaving the window open -or slamming the car’s door
-So do we… Do we move to a different seat in the cinema hall (to avoid the sound of plastic packet)? What do we do? We shall sit right there “His behavior is not right” “it is not right for me” “But I cannot control him.” “Whichever way he wants to close the car door, he will do it.” So I will tell my mind, “I cannot control them.” “He will not listen to me” “at least you listen to me” Shifting from victim or slave, the person who has to follow the orders Master is the person who gets his orders followed. Master of the mind. Which means we tell our mind, “Stop creating thoughts.” “You created 2 thoughts, they are enough.” “Do not create 50 thoughts for such a small thing.” “It is okay, they might not know how to do it.” “Next time I will choose.” When the packet of chips is over, the noise will go away. Even if it does not, it is not in my control. -When the bird tweets, even the crow caws
-Yes Because we accepted it. Why did we accept? Because I am very very clear, that it is not in my control. This clarity, this knowledge that they are not in my control. This equation is fixed. I am the creator of my thoughts. Yes, we can see how thoughts seem to come automatically. Like you said that you are not choosing to create these bad thoughts. If I had a choice then I would have chosen to create the good one. How can it be so bad? I did not choose it. How do we choose, that is the second part. The first important thing is only – who is the creator of my thoughts? And for that it is very important that never ever are we going to say, “They are irritating.” “They irritate me”
No. I get irritated. But now the language will have to be I create irritation in response to their behavior. This is an interesting game to play the whole day Situation and people.
And my mind. -These are two entities.
-You say this so well. -Why?
-Game? It is a game isn’t it? Two things. My ear starts paining if someone makes noises or even fidgets with their pen. Okay even in such a simple thing, what will you tell them? “Please do not do this.” We tell that to people? Suppose, right? I have two options. Either I tell you, “Please don’t disturb.” Or I tell my mind, “Please don’t disturb.” I will tell him once and then after 5 minutes he will start again. Or he will start moving his legs because of which my chair will start shaking. -Even my chair starts shaking.
-That is not important. Important is to see how many people will you keep telling such things to, in this world. All these are small things in life. What about the big things then? They will live the life according to them. You just need to keep these two options open always. That is our homework. That is our homework. If someone is doing something. We need to do this homework in small things Not like someone harming me or betraying me. Forget big things today. Very little things like someone’s phone is ringing, if someone is overtaking from the wrong side in the traffic someone is over-speeding someone went past but was very close to my car someone is cutting the lane someone is coming late If someone invites me for dinner. Suppose if four of them serve food, and forcefully put a dish which I do not want to eat. Now how do I tell her not to serve it or at least ask me. Yes, how do you say it? I told her once but she still insisted, saying it is a nice dish. It might be nice for her but not me. Even if I want to have something else, she wants me to have that dish. Now, I find these things irritating. How can I put up with such things the whole day? I want to know if the solution – is it inside me?
– We have to verify the solution. I ask myself what is the solution? the solution is to stay silent? -Keep tolerating
-No Staying quiet is not the solution the solution is to make your mind silent. Let’s leave that for now. Let us say, Now you are here. And you do something and looking at that, I am creating irritation. So let me first try and control you. Just like in the first episode, I was constantly speaking and irritating you. – I never said you were irritating me.
-“But you were silent -You were not irritating.
-You were answering me calmly and I was constantly asking, “How is this possible? How is that possible?” I was so loud in the first three episodes. Now How could you be so calm? Please share for our learning. Because You calmly answered all my questions Your tone remains constant. How is that possible? Because what you were doing was absolutely right. I was annoying, intruding, not listening to you I was not willing to understand, I even said it was not practical. Yet you were calm. When we accept that whatever the other person is doing is right from his point of view That is also deep, we will look at it later First let us see in a situation Let us take this situation only You were asking many questions, interrupting me – No but I was interrupting while you were speaking too.
– Okay that is the situation one situation, so I have two options I have two options one – I try and control you. I tell you, “Don’t talk like this to me.” – “Don’t disturb me while I’m speaking”
– “Ok, don’t disturb me” you could have at least said, “It breaks my flow”, but you did not even do that. You are asking me, interjecting me, I have two options. First checking if my mind is disturbed If my mind is not disturbed, then there is nothing to worry about. Second option – if my mind is getting disturbed then I tell you, “Please don’t disturb.” Then once you stop doing it, my mind will be fine. But when people forcefully serve a dish in my plate and leave even though I tell them not to put it, even though I get irritated and only later I realize that my mind was not calm. If I had known it earlier then I would not say anything, right? – That does not mean…
– And I realize it after so many days that I was rude. That is because over a long period, it has gone into our automatic way of living. There will not be awareness. It is like taking a wrong turn and there is no awareness. After driving 4 kilometers we realize that it was a wrong turn. If we would have been aware while driving. On the journey of life then we would have realized it was wrong, as soon as we took the turn. Similarly since this Sanskar (habit) has developed automatically now So we were not aware at that moment. Now this does not mean that people can do anything they want, even this is important. It is not that you can do anything you want and I will not say anything. Important is, first I will give instructions here then I will give instructions there. This is very important. But is this possible that I give the instructions here and then there is no need to give instructions there? No if it is your role as a parent or as a team leader Suppose if someone is smoking in your car and it does not go well for you. It is not healthy for you it is not healthy for the environment, even a simple thing like it is not nice for me. – I don’t like it when someone does that.
– So I want to say it to the other person. But, get irritated and then say it then your habit of smoking is disturbing the state of my mind as my mind is not in my control. Please do not smoke because then my mind goes out of control. Second option is, “I am fine.” “even my mind is absolutely fine.” “but please do not smoke.” – Because my environment get’s disturbed then.
– These two options are completely different. These two options are completely different. We have to see this thing the whole day. We are not controlling them, we are controlling ourselves. And then we are instructing the situation and the people. That is a very beautiful point. That means, I, who is trying to control them saying, “Do not smoke.” “even if you want to smoke, go out and do it” “first find out if I am okay with it or not.” Instead of controlling them we control ourselves and we? Instruct them calmly Yes. -So I tell them, “I am allergic and I don’t like the smell” Absolutely, and why you are giving that instruction has to be clear. That instruction is not for your peace of mind. because you are already peaceful. This is very important Isn’t it for my peace of mind? No, you are already peaceful because you did not get disturbed. Oh because I controlled myself and told myself. I did not get fluctuated, you were unable to fluctuate my mind. So right now I am calm and peaceful and stable. Yes, but the situation, office work, your home staff, what do your kids do, taking care of all this is also my responsibility. Hence, I will give instructions. But that instruction is for the work for their discipline, for their behavior not for my peace of mind. My peace of mind is not dependent on them. I will be the master of my mind first and then be the master outside. When I am a slave then I will be a slave of my mind too and if I become a slave of my mind, I will be a slave of them too as control my state of mind. And then how will my life be? That of a slave. Slave to people’s behavior. Before that, a slave of myself. One who is his own slave, will be a slave to others too. So first be a master of your own mind and then a master of the situation.