Hillery Sims testimony of overcoming mental illness and depression.

Hi everyone, I’m Hilary Samms I’m 26 years old. I am a mother of three awesome kids and a wife to a wonderful husband. I wanted to share my testimony today of my walk with the cross and just my journey to find him and His deliverance of mental illness on my life so Starting at early age of 30. I was already showing signs of anxiety and nervousness My mother says that even at a young age, I would paced the floor and have OCD compulsions. I Did come from a broken home. My parents had divorced when I was 2 years old my biological father wasn’t really present the majority of my childhood my mother did remarry, but unfortunately, I still went without a father/daughter relationship This made a massive impact on the young woman I would grow to be It left me feeling unworthy Unlivable with absolutely. No self-worth or self-esteem Entering into elementary school the nervousness and anxiety continued every morning I had a stomach ache and dreaded going by middle school is when the Depression crept in It became so severe. I would just stay in my room alone and also indulge in overeating Which by 8th grade cost me to be very overweight? This was all a vicious cycle by this point the unworthiness lack of self-confidence and self-esteem was in full force. I Never seem to find my place even in my small group of friends I still felt like an outsider and just didn’t fit in I hated myself It was at this time in my life. I wanted to die. I wanted to disappear and to stop living At the young age of 13 I was suicidal All through high school these burdens followed me. Yeah. I learned a new way to express them their rebellion anger and promiscuity At this point My teenage train of thinking was if no one was going to care about my life. I wasn’t going to either I Was fooled on reckless Dabbling into drugs alcohol and looking to boys and relationships to find love whatever it took to fit in and to be accepted I was going to do it I Was far from knowing the Lord at this time. I Had been to church maybe a handful of times in my life. I knew he existed Yeah, I had no clue what my relationship with God could potentially be The one place I could have looked for unconditional love and acceptance. I had no clue to even look there By my senior year even through all the reckless behavior and depression at the very least I was alive But I was only existing At the age of 18 I become pregnant out of wedlock We ended up getting married soon after due to the pregnancy in my third trimester a very large blood clot Was discovered in my leg that would have been fatal, but I was miraculously healed and still delivered a healthy baby boy Looking back. I realized it wasn’t just lucky chance that I survived and was healed. It was the love and mercy of our healer Jesus That even when I wasn’t making him a part of my life, he still loved me enough to see me through these trials The fresh marriage only lasted a couple months after our son was born and ended in divorce While I was supposed to be walking across the stage to receive my high school diploma Instead I just gave birth was getting a divorce and was on my own all before the age of 19 While trying to pick myself up and continue on with life I attempted college and hopes to become a nurse only to to drop out By the end of the first semester due to the stress of being a single parent on my own working a job with bills to pay This triggered a whole new level of depression and helplessness for me From the year 2011 to 2015 was the darkest time in my life the best way to describe The level of depression I was into someone who’s never experienced it themselves Is to imagine yourself in a scary movie when you get out of bed to put your feet on the ground Only to be grabbed by your ankles by Satan himself To be pulled under into the darkest pits of hell screaming crying clawing at the floor To try and save yourself It’s the darkest of the dark Hope and lot doesn’t exist when you’re in this frame of mind. I Experienced this terror every day for four years About midway through this time of my life. I did seek help. I Received treatment on medications and counseling to eventually be diagnosed with bipolar two disorder Bipolar 2 patients suffer greatly with manic depression feelings of hopelessness No energy worthlessness and suicidal thoughts with bipolar 2 you experience ups such as being on levels of high energy Talkativeness racing thoughts but majority of the time you will be on and down during the depression base This described me perfectly While I was relieved to have an answer as to why I was feeling this I also felt that now I had the diagnosis written across my forehead Such a stigmatize diagnosis shameful and embarrassing But I pressed for doing what the doctors told me to do not knowing there was a greater physician As time went on the care. I was receiving helped some but I was far from being healed On top of this new diagnosis life circumstances sent me over the edge Suffering a miscarriage with my now husband and also the loss of my grandfather who is the closest thing. I had to the father at the moment my wife went into a tailspin the Depression at an all-time high the anxiety so great. I couldn’t hold down a job or even leave my home My mom kept me so bound. I couldn’t move I couldn’t get out of bed I did my best as a mother, but I knew I was failing The weight of depression is so great It’s like you’re suffocating in darkness and there’s no getting out. I would sit up in my bed contemplating suicide every day Looking around my room at what options I had Did I have the rock pills to do the job But hanging myself work or was outbreak brave enough to resort to razor blades Knowing there had to be a god I sat in bed holding my hands out saying God if you’re really there, please help me Don’t you love me? To not want to see me die this fight Why do you hate me and don’t want and you want to see me suffer The mental illness has such a hold on me. There was no hope inside The devil had one in my eyes But I was alive and little did I know while I felt defeated God said no He said no Satan Not take my daughter. You will not take what is mine He was helping me fight what the devil had tried to bestow on me I now felt that I had a purpose to serve the Lord and that one day my hardships and trials would become a testimony of healing and redemption So after finding this new relationship with Jesus, he just started to work miraculously in my life Even through the struggles and the dark times and the depression and anxiety No longer felt alone. I felt that I had the Lord just walking with me every day once the Lord just started moving so drastically in my life and just making so many changes for me and just relieving that anxiety and depression and you know the devil once again just tried to come in and wreak havoc and During my pregnancy with my daughter. I had a lot of complications and actually ended up with a coronary embolism which was blood clots in both of my lungs and he Just tried to come in and kill me. He did not like what the Lord had set for me to do and But through that he sought me through that and during that time Just so many friendships with our church and just new relationships were formed And once again the devil was defeated by God and he could not have me and after that my husband and my family just had a found love of God and we just started to just really praise him for all the things that he was doing for us and Just a newfound trust and that if you remain faithful in him that he will see you through anything and that when the devil tries to come in and just Make you feel that anxiety again, you’ll just be there to see you through that so my message just for anyone out there today that Through my testimony. I hope that It will encourage you if you’re struggling with any of these Issues and mental illness suicidal thoughts. Please just seek help. You don’t have to suffer If you can go see a doctor or receive help that way but at the same time we serve an almighty physician that can heal you as well and you don’t have to suffer in silence and be alone and Feel condemnation about what you’re going through. This is nothing to be ashamed of because it is up the devil The devil does not want to see us succeed But we just we have God with us and He will heal us and he will see us there everything that we go through I feel that if anyone out there is struggling and you would like to reach out to me just Contact the the ladies with the warrior of faith And I’ll be more than happy to help you to pray with you and just encourage you Anytime that you need it and I just wish and pray for blessings upon anybody watching today? And I just love you all and God bless everybody

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