Gender Dysphoria


[ominous music] Is my hairline receding? I mean it’s definitely receding. I’ve been asking myself this question for
the 3,527 consecutive days, but it’s getting undeniable. Look at that. Like, it feels smooth here, it didn’t use
to feel smooth here. Well, let’s do the topographic analysis. That’s 4.2 centimeters by 2.8. Consult the records! The measurements show a 50% areal increase
in temporal recession over the last five years. The numbers don’t lie, girl, the numbers
don’t lie. [drone] The Norwood-Hamilton scale is the generally
accepted measure of the extent of androgenetic alopecia, more commonly known as “male pattern
baldness.” The first indication of inevitable and irreversible
hair loss is Norwood-Hamilton stage II, characterized by a 50% areal increase in temporal recession
over the course of about five years. Once Norwood-Hamilton stage II is complete,
the balding process will continue until you die, when your corpse will rot in the ground
and worms will eat your eyeballs. Doctors agree that men who allow themselves
to reach this stage can never become real women, have no value, and will never be loved—never
be loved—never be loved—never be loved——never be loved—never be loved—never be loved—never
be loved— Well, that’s it. It’s over for me. At this point the only sensible option isssss
suicide. Just put a bullet to the brainstem. I mean, that’s the only responsible way
to go about this. If you go in through the mouth you should
be able to nail the medulla right in the center. Shouldn’t take more than a couple seconds. Bit of a mess though, a mess that someone
else is gonna have to clean up, and that is not a very nice thing to do to someone. So, I guess I am stuck being alive. Goddamn it. God you’re ugly. And old. Can we talk about how old you’re getting? What are these lines? Ah, how do I get out of this, how do I opt
out of my own consciousness? Well, how about this: I change my name, take
ten Ambiens, bash myself over the head and pass out on the next plane to the Dominican
Republic. [Dominican music] Oh my God, you cannot just run away to a Caribbean
island and escape all your problems. These are not physical problems. These are problems of the mind. I mean, am I even actually balding? Am I just a lunatic? Are these real measurements, or are these
the psychotic scribbles of a delusional transvestite? You know what? I don’t know and I don’t care. How can I have spent so much time thinking
about this? This is nothing but vanity. Don’t you have anything more important to
think about? You shallow bitch, you shallow bitch! Oh but that’s a lie, and you know it’s
a lie. The human mind is trash. Hair is what really matters. [Sigh] Is my hairline receding? So, I hear you’re having some problems with
your… genitals. That’s right Great, great. Well we’d better take a look. Could you just remove your—hm? Alright, let’s see what we’ve got here. My god. It’s—it’s not even human! Well, what’s wrong with it? Have you taken any recent trips to the outer
solar system? What? No! Well, we can’t entirely rule out Cronenberg’s
Disease, but I’d say it’s more likely that you have what we in the medical profession
call Xenomorphic Gender Parasitosis. What does that mean? It means a parasite from outer space has infected
your gender, and is eating away at it from the inside. Let’s watch an instructional video to learn
more. Oh, and, try to pay attention. [jazz] [drone] Well, that certainly cleared things up. Indeed. Now while there is no cure for XGP, there
are a range of treatment options available. So you’re saying I need surgery to affirm
the woman I’ve always been? No I’m saying we’re going to make you
a man. How are you gonna make me a man? Simple. Testosterone gas. Oh, and I’m going to play you Wagner and
show you films of manly men until your perversion goes into remission. Wait, hold on, I don’t consent to that! Shhhhhhh. You’ll soon be fixed. Fritz, the music please! [Wagner] [Maniacal laughter] I don’t know how to talk like a girl. Every time I try all that comes out is the
voice of an annoying white bitch. Can I speak with the manager? This mimosa doesn’t have enough booze in
it. Is this buttplug 100% silicone? Maybe that’s just who I am deep inside:
an annoying white bitch. But of course I inevitably end up slipping
back into the creepy crossdresser voice that I actually have. Let’s go to the club and meet some boys… So I can fuck them. Goddamn it. What do real women talk like? What do real men talk like? What does anybody talk like? What are these horrible noises coming out
of my mouth? Socrates, what is talking? Ugh, what am I gonna do with this baritone
voice of mine? Well, I guess the same thing I do about everything. [blues piano riff] I woke up this morning and got myself a beer
I woke up this morning and got myself a beer
The future’s uncertain, the end is always near Let it roll, baby, roll. Let it roll, baby, roll. Let it roll
All night long [harmonica solo] [harmonica sustained] Why do I have hair here? Ugh, disgusting. It’s not even human hair. It’s like insect hair… [flies buzzing] [breathing through mask] Well, how do you feel? Well, I think
I’m into dudes now. The problem is your attitude. If you won’t act like a man, how can you
think like a man, and if you won’t think like a man how can you feel like a man? I don’t want to feel like a man. Why can’t you just be a man?—be a man?—be
a man? This looks good, if I don’t move my arms. Is there a way to smash my ribs in? I’ll smash ‘em in, I’ll smash the shit
out of em. These shoes are cute, and I’ll finally be
able to hit my head on the tops of door frames. Would you fuck me? I wouldn’t. [drone] Why won’t you fuck me? I don’t wanna. Why not? It makes me feel like a man. You are a man. Well I don’t wanna be. What does it even mean to feel like a man? Well, don’t you feel like a woman? No, I feel like myself. Well, exactly. Are you sure you’re not just gay? Yeah that’s what it is. I’m extremely gay. Alright, well, I’m leaving. Bye. [packing] [door slams] [EDM]

100 comments

  1. Bro I've had dysphoria since I was 10, 👊😔 I'm a girl and hate it and no matter what I do I just cant seem to fit in. Of course puberty had to hit me extremely hard so I look extremely feminine and it sucks. I wish I can trade my body with someone who wants it.

  2. I love this video. It shows such cool and interesting visuals that also can be really informative for people who don’t understand gender dysphoria. Thank you for creating and sharing this with the world and I hope you continue making wonderful things.

  3. Natalie, you're awesome and have such a way with words. Can you please do a video on language, because for man trying to explain its deficiencies, Wittgenstein sucked with words. I'm currently reading Tractatus Logico-Philisophicus, and I don't know what the fuck that dude is talking about. Thank you for your time.

  4. Holy hell that was great. The overthinking parts and whatnot were so fucking relatable and just wow, you did an amazing job on this video

  5. This hit me super hard. I'm a 16 year old trans boy, and fuck, it sucks being trans so god damn much. But it's great knowing people know what I'm going through.

    I also find trans women's stories very interesting (hope that dosn't sound insensitive lmao) mainly because there is not world where I can think of where I am a man wanting to be a women. It's just interesting to see the opposite side of what I am tho ya know?

  6. Als das Kind Kind war,
    wußte es nicht, daß es Kind war,
    alles war ihm beseelt,
    und alle Seelen waren eins.

    Als das Kind Kind war,
    war es die Zeit der folgenden Fragen:
    Warum bin ich ich und warum nicht du?
    Warum bin ich hier und warum nicht dort?
    Wann begann die Zeit und wo endet der Raum?
    Ist das Leben unter der Sonne nicht bloß ein Traum?
    Ist was ich sehe und höre und rieche
    nicht bloß der Schein einer Welt vor der Welt?
    Gibt es tatsächlich das Böse und Leute,
    die wirklich die Bösen sind?
    Wie kann es sein, daß ich, der ich bin,
    bevor ich wurde, nicht war,
    und daß einmal ich, der ich bin,
    nicht mehr der ich bin, sein werde?

  7. I'm sorry that you feel that way about your body, everybody feels something is bad with their body and it sucks because we just want to be happy and it's hard when the media and the people around us always judge us and look down on everything that is not normal to them or if it's different

  8. I'm so proud of u for making this… its so honest. i am afab and its so interesting that we have such different experiences with dysphoria. i hope things get better for you and you begin to feel more like yourself

  9. That moment when the only thing stopping you from killing yourself is that it would be an inconvenience. Wow mood.

  10. Holy shit… how can something that is basically the opposite of what I am (hi Genderfluid AFAB here) feel so viscerally like what I've been going through for years? Thank you for this, at least I know I'm not making anything up.

  11. I am fed up to the gills with the extreme fringes of the trans movement, but this person, I love! This is the only the second video I see of them. In rhe first one I saw she is a fabulous trans woman spouting nails and philosophy. Next step: find the whole channel on youtube and follow the journey from the beginning.

  12. Sometimes I worry about myself if I'm making the right choices. I'm diagnosed with gender dysphoria but I'm afraid of doing it, mainly because of how my family would think and question my manhood even though I want to look and feel like a woman. The other issue is gender roles, people expect that if you're trans you should be following the roles that one gender generally follows. I don't wear dresses, I prefer my cowboy boots and Levi's Jean's. I don't want to be a nurse or work at some beauty salon, I want to be a cop and serve my country like I did in the army. I don't want to spend a fuck ton money on makeup and beauty products when I can just easily but some red lipstick, dark eyeliner and some black eyeshadow. I don't want to stop going to church just because everyone in my home town who's LGBT feel that religious people don't like us, so what? My relationship with God is no one's business so take a hike. I just want to be me but do what I do best, it's that so much to ask? Unfortunately it is for lots of people.

  13. I have a disease that the medical world still doesnt know how to treat. I have a mind that wants me dead, preferably with a needle sticking out of my veins!!!

  14. This made me cry. I love her so much and her videos make me love me so much.

    I feel identified with her academic story, intellectual questions, inevitable empathy and a couple of "degenerated" gender/relational things.

  15. Over the time I've been Natalie's devoted fan my thoughts and understanding of her life have changed and developed drastically. I feel like Natalie and myself have been moving in opposite directions. As she becomes my comfortable with herself and grows older and more mature, I feel like I'm watching the older videos and trying to understand the person she was. Where it all began and how and why her transformation took the course it did. I try to see the complicated mind and behaviours of the dysphoria. Peoples twentysomething are so hot. I'm a cis appearing bisexual man age 35. I think I need to date a 25 year old transwoman to parallel the Natalie I first knew.

  16. Transvestites are just gay and bisexual men, they are not transsexual women.
    Its disturbing when they claim to be real woman and transexual or transgender woman.
    At least he admits that he is a, transvestite .

  17. The moment where she's crying alone in the bed… It was moving the first time I saw it, and it still is now. This is a great video to make cis people like me understand gender dysphoria (or at least see how it might feel)

  18. I know this video isn't particularly aimed at me (being a cis woman who's comfortable with being that) however as a woman who's unattractive a lot of this hit really close to home. That's not me saying contra is unattractive, she's a yum yum, but the thoughts expressed in this video are similar to many of mine. I know I'm being completely melodramatic here and people go through a lot worse than being ugly, but being born an ugly woman sometimes feels like being a suicide note. I don't think that makes sense, sorry if you read this far.

  19. I'm a transgender woman. I have no pattern baldness before I started transitioning. I asked my primary care person to put on Finasteride I've been on it for 1 month on a lower dosage and I'm great results.

  20. I know that wasn't the point but that "Would you fuck me? I wouldn't" bit was so freaking hilarious to me. Your videos have always been great.

  21. I knew it was gonna be the golden one. Unless its not the golden one cause im drunk and all swedish fascist body builders look the same. Also the doors are great you go girl.

  22. People, you can say whatever you want about contra points
    She does make high quality and well shoted videos.

    And for that you do have my respect

  23. Did you ever get straightened out with your body dysphoria? I hope so. No one is born the wrong gender. This is a lie.

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