FLUCTUATING DYSPHORIA


Hey guys, today, I wanna talk to you about fluctuating dysphoria. This topic was brought up by somebody in some comment on some social media, so thank you, that person, I should know I’m sorry, I’ll make a better- I think it was on facebook. Um, thank you for the suggestion I am interpreting maybe in a different way than you wanted me to talk about, but I wanna talk about how dysphoria fluctuates with, like, your transition, and um. Even if you’re pre-T, or pre surgery, or no surgery or no T, or no bottom surgery, your dysphoria can fluctuate, and its very confusing. And I feel like maybe having an open discussion about this can help people, um, relate? And not feel so alone maybe? So, the way that its happened with me, is that I feel like, I had dysphoria, but I guess like we didn’t really call it dysphoria when I was younger, I don’t think I ever even saw that word, or if I did, like super dyslexic didn’t know how to say it. Um, but I I started T because I felt like I needed to be on T, and I had a lot of social dysphoria. And my body did not fit the way that I feel like it fit in my mind, and I also wasn’t seen as who I wanted to be seen by society. So I felt like testosterone was the way for me to do it. While I was on testosterone, lots of things happened, my dysphoria kind of went away, completely. And I did go off of T for a yyyy- after a year on T, I went off of T *laughs* sorry, I went off hormones for 8 months, and I felt like because my dysphoria had like been managed, and like was okay and I was feeling really good, it was fine. That, like going off of T would be okay. But was I ever wrong? I started to get misgendered and stuff like that after like 8 months and I was like NOPE, ‘goin back on,’ cos I couldn’t deal with it anymore, um, and I think that being off of T made me really realize, like ‘yes, you know what, I need to be on hormones, I need to be seen as myself and, I guess it kinda sucks that I needed hormones to do that, but I also- my body was starting to change, in different ways that I didn’t want it to change, um, back and I think it was kind of like yeah, ‘hey, hey its okay that you went off, but just to let you know you probably should be back on because you feel a lot more comfortable when you’re on. So I was like ‘hey, maybe that’s a good idea’ this is me talking to myself by the way. *laughing* If you don’t know what changes happen when you go off T I made a video about that, you can check it out right here. Um, I’ll put the link. But that- I mean, after I went back on T, I was still, I was fine, I had no chest dysphoria, so that’s what I wanna focus on right now, is chest dysphoria. When I started to pass again, and start to really blend in to society where people didn’t even know that I was trans or queer. I started to get like super dysphoric about my queer identity, and not being seen as part of the queer community. So I think that um, I started to like, really understand how society works in terms of how people see you, and it doesn’t matter how you identify, it only matters how people see you, and that’s bullshit, and that’s what sucks, and that’s another socio word for another socio day. Soci, sociology, got it? *tsk tsk* Good. But chestwise, I think that my chest, I was completely fine with It. I did bind and I wore a pretty tight binder, for a very long time, I wore the tri-top white binder from underworks. It was like a medium or something. Um, and I did not like my chest, but I liked it in a sexual way. And I was fine with it being touched, and oh my god, thinking about it now is just so weird, but um. I was okay with it being touched, and I really enjoyed it, I guess. But I really did not enjoy it outside the house, so I decided, let me have top surgery. And, I was getting kind of close-ish to the date and I was like ‘you know what, I’m not ready I can’t do this right now, this is too fast, I can’t do this’ So I decided to cancel it- This was when I was 21. So I cancelled my top surgery And I waited a year. And, within that year, my dysphoria went from like ‘I’m okay, I’m okay I don’t need top surgery. I’m good’ to ‘holy shit I need top surgery right now, I am not dealing with another summer with a binder on, this is ridiculous, the humidity factor is crazy, I wanna be able to enjoy my life, I wanna be able to not worry about binding. I wanna be able to work- wake up in the morning and-‘ The pro’s list of having top surgery was so long, and the cons was like two things, and I was like…this is worth it, this is what I need to do, I’m glad I waited a year, because it made me realize what I need to do, and it made me really tap into how my dysphoria fluctuated within that year. Because even before top surgery, I was like ‘*sigh* am I okay with my chest? Am I- should I have top surgery’ It was very confusing, I like ‘I already paid, what do I do’ But I decided to have top surgery anyways, because I knew that in the long run this is what I want, and this is what I needed. And I’m so glad that I did, because it is true, this is what I wanted and this is what I needed. So after I had top surgery, I didn’t have any more dysphoria related to my chest, and it was so amazing, and honestly like I don’t wanna rub it in to anyone who hasn’t had top surgery, but it is, like, when you know you need it and then you get it, it just feels like, all those years where you were suffering- I wore a binder for 5 years, or something like that- All those years where you’re suffering, its just like they’re gone. Like they’re still there, and you still feel that trauma, but like, yo, like literally a weight lifted off your shoulders, like it was amazing. Um, and it is still amazing, I’m still very grateful that I was able to have top surgery and sometimes I can’t even believe that I had chests, um. Its a very weird feeling to think about, but yeah. So now if we relate it back to like other types of dypshoria, so bottom dysphoria for me is probably the one that flucuates the most. So that’s what this whole video is about, is that dyphoria, its okay for it to fluctuate back and forth, because that is wht happens, and it happens to everyone- maybe not everyone, but like…cos I know some people who have always had dysphoria and knew that they were gonna get bottom surgery, top surgery, hysterectemy, all this stuff. They knew they were gonna get it, and they got it, and they’re done. they’re stealth, they’re walking through life no-one knows they’re trans. Cool, that’s them. I’m different, and I know that a lot of other people are different too. I know that some people who are stealth have also fluctuating dysphoria. We’re all over the spectrum here, like its not- there’s not one thing that’s not normal, okay? So, for me, it was hard cos no-one talked about this, so I didn’t know it was okay to like, I want bottom surgery so badly right now, and then I don’t. And it would come in waves, and then there’s these groups on facebook- facbeook sorry, on um yahoo, that you can access um, pictures and stuff like that, and it was, it was- I would go through these phases where I would just look at every single picture that I had already looked at like months before, when I had another one of these phases, and I would just want bottom surgery so badly. But then, I wouldn’t wanna do it. And I wouldn’t wanna go, and it wasn’t because ‘oh I don’t like the results’ it wasn’t like that at all, it was just, I’m not ready, or I don’t think I have enough bottom dysphoria to do this, or blah blah blah. So, I still get that, and it sucks, because I feel like I’ve realised I, I know a lot about bottom surgery. Like, a lot. More than a lot of, other, not that I’m saying ‘I’m the best’ I’m just saying I’ve just researched this a lot, and I have a lot of friends who have had phalloplasty and stuff like that. Um, and I feel like I was kind of, my interest for bottom surgery and knowing so much about it, was kind of like me thinking I need bottom surgery. But I think maybe its more of a ‘I need information about bottom surgery’ because I want to give information about bottom surgery, and I wanna be educated on bottom surgery. Not because I necessarily want it right now, but because I wanna be educated on the topic that is so not talked about in this community. So I think that that’s kind of where I’m at right now So, I am super interested in bottom surgery, I want bottom surgery so badly, um but not now. Do I want it even? Do I? I don’t know. See that’s where I’m at, like, I know I want it, but do I? And it sucks to kind of be in that like middle place where like ‘yes I want it but no I don’t want it’ and it had nothing to do with results, and sensation, I have so much information about that, um it looks fantastic it feels good, like almost everyone gets sensation back, like erotic sensation especially if the surgeons do microsurgery, and like, nerve hookup, and all- I’m not gonna talk about like the specifics right now, about bottom surgery, but I think that its something like, an interesting thing to tap into, and like really realize for yourself that it does go up and down, and your want, and that’s a thing with the hysterectomy also, like, and that’s the same thing with name changes, and gender marker changes, like it was so intense to be able to make these decisions, like I had such name dysphoria but I didn’t wanna change my name, because I had o much anxiety related to doing all that processing and that paperwork, and putting it in the newspaper, we had to do that before, no longer. But I think that all of that was worth it, and I just feel like right now, worrying about bottom surgery, um maybe my dysphoria just isn’t bad, but then I have like really close friend who are like ‘I want bottom surgery yesterday’ and I’m like ‘lets do it, lets find you a way to get you bottom surgery’ so maybe I should just like help people with information, and then see where I’m at, because that’s what I’m doing right now, and that’s how I feel, like maybe I can get my like, word across and how I feel and stuff like that, I don’t know. I kind of feel like this video’s all over the place again, I’m so sorry, um. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, I think really the most underlined point to this video which could’ve been a ten second video, is its okay for dysphoria fluctu-fluc-fluctuates like its normal and its okay, and it happens to everyone that I know, and I, I don’t know. I think that its an interesting conversation to have cos no-one really ever talks about it. So let me know what you think. Let me know if your dysphoria fluctuates, or if you’re like ‘no, this is it’ um, and I just want you guys to know that its okay to take some time. Like, if you’re not sure, like, listen, I took a- some time off of T and then I went back on because I realized I needed this. And, it as the same thing with top surgery, I scheduled it, cancelled it, and then went back. Because, I realized that I wasn’t ready, and then that one year of waiting, holy shit made me ready, trust meee, um *laughing* and its okay that I did that. It was painful, but I’m glad that I did, because mentally, I was ready, and I change- fast change is hard for me, and I feel like it its, I don’t know. I feel like my mind changes a lot, on a lot of things, and its kind of very confusing, but the one thing that I know I’ll never change my mind on is transition, and I know that a lot of people are scared that they’re gonna regret transitioning and even when I was off T, I’m not regretting T, I never regretted it, I never regretted getting off of T, I’m so glad that I went off, actually Um, because it made me realize who I am, and what I need, and the type of person that I am is like, listen to my body and do what I need to do for me and fuck everyone else, basically. *snort* Um, just because I know that I’m the most important person, because its my body. Like, in relations to that, obviously I care about other people, I like do a lot of things for other people hello these videos, Um, but, in terms of my body, no-one controls it but me, so I wanted to make sure that I had ownership and I had agency because I feel like I didn’t. Anyways, long story short, do what you need to do, okay? Its okay if you’re, um if your dysphoria fluctuates, or if you have no dysphoria at all, like its up to you, right? It-this is your body, don’t let anyone ever tell you um that you need to have top surgery because you’re trans, or you need to go on T, if you don’t have dysphoria, or if you don’t feel like you need it right now, or you’re not ready, you take your tiiime gurl, you take yo tiiiime. Anyways. *sigh* Have a great week, let me know what you think, and I’ll see you later. Bye

100 comments

  1. Could you do a video on body image separate from dysphoria? Like for guys who struggle with weight/obesity, acne, shortness, etc. I'm not dysphoric about my weight or that I'm 5'6" but I struggle to deal with those issues as outside of my trans identity if that makes sense.

  2. I sometimes only realize I am dysphoric about certain things when I do something that is relieving me from that dysphoria. For example: I didn't realize how bad my top dysphoria was until I got a binder that showed me how much better I feel when my chest is flat.

  3. As to bottom surgery, I am the same. I tell everyone I want it and I do but am i sure? I am 100% sure I want T and Top surgery but do I Need bottom surgery?? Ive talked to the clinic about this and I'm so confused

  4. This helped a lot, some days I have horrible dysphoria around my chest and voice and then other days I'm fine or have a little dysphoria and it'a good to know that it's normal. I have a friend who sometimes buys stuff for me because I can't speak cause of my voice dysphoria but other days I just do it. I'm waiting to get on T and know I really want it now because I'm now struggling without it.

  5. I don't need bottom surgery and don't want it because it would freak me out, I don't see myself with it. But top surgery, I'm fine with the chest but want the top surgery. I sometimes have dysphoria depending on if I'm wearing a certain shirt or in public but other than that no I'm fine.

  6. This fluctuating dysphoria has never hit so close to me or come at the most perfect time. I've been on testosterone for a year and a half and my dysphoria has been so severe the most recent months then it'd stop. I have real bad top surgery rn and I'm scared to get it because I'm scared I'll need bottom surgery. Because I personally don't like the results of bottom surgery and just don't want to go through that.

  7. as someone who's gender fluctuates in between male and genderless, this is literally my life. transition wise, I know that I want top surgery 100% but for t it's like when I feel more male I'm like yea definitely but when I feel more in between I'm like maybe not. it's difficult :/

  8. I get it where some days I question whether I'm actually trans but I get so dysphoric over my height and voice and chest at the same time. I feel like we get this because transitioning is such a huge deal that we don't want to make a mistake or something. idk I'm only 15 and all I have is hormone blockers

  9. I have loads of bottom dysphoria which is less common and I'm less dysphoric about my chest? But my body shape is the worst dysphoria, I feel way too skinny and feminine

  10. Chase I would love if you could do an even more up to date video on bottom surgery or just recommend good places to read on the procedures it has really been on my mind lately and I do not normally have bottom dysphoria or feel that if I don't have enough why would I consider it lol. This video was right on the money with fluctuation. 🙂

  11. You are a god send, I literally was just feeling so invalidated and less trans and its like there's always a video from you that I always can relate to and always need thank you chase Ross you are literally a life saver.

  12. Uppercasechase = uppercasesmile
    had a pretty bad Dysphoria this week which made me have a lot of panic attacks but just watching Chase able to be himself so well gives me so much hope that I can make it from Tri to Lucius

  13. recently I haven't been having much chest dysphoria, I used to have it severely all the time, but even when I'm not dysphoric I still know that I need top surgery. I still know that that is what I need and what I really want.

  14. can you make a video, maybe a submission video of ppl saying "what is dysphoria" (in their experience)? or something related to more subtle signs of dysphoria. i feel like we have this word but it can mean so much and different for everyone, it may help to hear some experiences and be like "I'm not alone!" For example I've read some subtle signs of dysphoria can be if you're more on edge, anxious, irritable, letharic, etc and you didnt realize that was from dysphoria until it's relieved. sorry if my post doesnt make sense. T-T

  15. the comment about the whole "i'm okay with having my chest touched sexually" is kinda similar to my situation except i'm the same way with my bottom dysphoria… but i'm okay with body during "self-pleasure" lol XD but i don't want my partner touching my body. so i guess that's social dysphoria. i enjoy binding socially especially around my partner. 😛

  16. I am the NB and have a lot of confused, mixed feelings about surgeries. I think I like having boobs (I might be small enough to be eligible for keyhole but I literally have no idea. Also this is more for me and my sexual partners because I don't like how Having Boobs changes the way people interact with me) but I have a decent amount of bottom dysphoria. The RealDoe product you reviewed is something I'm very much interested in, but I have no idea if bottom surgery is something I can go through with. It's expensive and scary and I'm mostly comfortable with my body the way it is except that I feel like penetrative sex is something I should be doing but can't. Trans life is confusing sometimes.

  17. It's funny how we think. Like I'll finally get my meds figured out for my manic depression and anxiety then be like oh I feel great now and mentally stable so I can stop taking my meds! I don't need them anymore. Like duh no shit self. My bipolar disorder is manageable BECAUSE of the medicine hahah.

  18. How do I even convince my therapist to let me go on T? They seem to be convinced that I am not ready. I'm 24 and I put a lot of thought into this and have done a lot of research.

  19. I remember how Finn talked on his channel about the fact that he was so afraid about bottom surgery he had repressed most of his dysphoria and didn't realized how much he had dysphoria. Maybe kind of the same thing with my top dysphoria, I'm so afraid about the surgery… I think I would have reduction instead of complete to surgery too.

  20. I still have overall fairly moderate dysphoria, some days more or less than others. I'm the same with you for top, but still unsure about bottom. I'm at least going to wait until I get T to see how my body changes and that on it to think about top surgery

  21. I had no dysphoria ever before I had a listen to my own voice. After that my dysphoria was and still is super hard. I have no top dysphoria and no bottom dysphoria. Only when I have "shark week" I have dysphoria-ish feelings. Before I had no idea what my feelsings were or what others must feel because of dysphoria but now… Oh but I want top surgery. I have to wait because of the law in Germany but yeah. I'm still not sure about bottom tho.

  22. THANKS FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE NO ONE EVER DOES?? but no i'm the same with dysphoria like during the summer i was wearing "girl" clothes and shit and felt fine but then like last month it quickly changed and now i can't even put on a dress without crying lmao

  23. I'm in the same spot you are with bottom surgery. This is the first time I have been met with not being sure about something in my transition. Well, I should say, being sure but not sure.

  24. Has Chase ever done a video about how to explain your gender identity to teachers and/or just at school? I'm nonbinary BTW

  25. the thing about fluctuating dysphoria is that I think I couldn't survive being this dysphoric all the time? it almost feels like my brains survival technique if that makes sense ^^;

  26. the thing that really hits me is that I need testosterone and top surgery etc, and obviously I can't wait to get it. But, I'm scared that I won't be able to get a job when I'm older.

  27. This is entirely unrelated to the topic of the video, but I'm bird-sitting for a friend and he is absolutely fascinated by your hair. The second you came on my screen he started squawking and kept trying to run at the screen. It's the cutest thing on the planet and I needed to share.

  28. For any ftms out there. Especial young trans boys. Please please please actually look into bottom surgery. There's only two available in the u.s and one in serbia just choose one that fits your needs

  29. do you have a video on body hair because a couple of months ago i grew out my leg and armpit hair and loved it but shaved because i was scared of what others would think since i am a non-passing transboy.

  30. Thank you for this video! I have been experiencing this so much especially since starting T this year. This September is the start of my 5th year binding and I know it will be about 6 years of binding before I get top surgery. Do you know anything about binding for years or know anyone who has been binding for over 5 years? Thanks 🙂

  31. Would you maybe make a video about bottom surgery cuz I've researched it but I feel like I dont know a lot and it would really help

  32. Seriously, this is what I needed right now and I feel so much better because my dysphoria fluctuates a lot and sometimes I cant feel like valid and this is what I needed to hear to not feel alone. So thank you so much, seriously

  33. how about trans doubt? ive been identifying as a trans guy for like the past two years but now its just going away and i dontttt like itttt
    like i used to strongly have top dysphoria and like issues with how i didnt pass, but now it just doesnt happen, i still dont feel like a girl though and i dont know what it is.
    and then dysphoria just sneeks up sometimes and says YOURE A BOY AND YOU FEEL AWFUL ABOUT IT for like three days and then it leaves
    gender is confusing and i hate it

  34. Watching your video and reading all the comments is exactly what I needed!
    Right now I'm in one of my "phases" again where I experience dysphoria (I think) and don't identify as female. But it fluctuates a lot for me. I can go several months or weeks of not thinking too much about this stuff (I'm never okay with my chest but sometimes I just don't care. Sometimes I can even wear a normal bra and be okay with that.)
    For me, dysphoria is still a difficult thing to understand. I still don't understand how it feels to others and if what I experience counts as dysphoria. People always talk about how it is absolute hell and I can't connect with that. Then again, I have depression and (possibly) an eating disorder and I used to self-harm and I would never describe these experiences as abolsutely horrible (as most people do). Maybe I'm just really detached from my feelings and emotions…
    I also noticed things that maybe are part of dysphoria but that I didn't recognize as such before? I get very self-conscious about my voice sometimes. And when I'm walking outside I may feel totally fine and confident with how I feel (and how I see myself) but as soon as I have to walk past other people (especially men) I suddenly feel bad because I'm reminded that I am/ they see me as a woman. Is that dysphoria or just me living in a sexist/ misogynistic world?
    So many questions 🙁

  35. This felt really good to hear. Thank you!

    Let's just say my dysphoria have changed a lot. I have huge probs with my voice and also my chest. I'm really scared of that the team I visit for meetings will think I'm not enough, since I never really had a clear period of "this is wrong" and that I started to think about what I really am when I met other transpersons. It's more like it didn't feel right and I didn't know why I were doing typical feminine things. When I changed the way I dressed and stopped with make-up it just felt more and more right. I changed my name and pronoun 1 year ago, which have helped a lot, but here I am struggling with dysphoria..

  36. Thanks so much for this video! I could relate so so much to what you were saying about going back and looking at the same pictures again and again, months apart – whether of surgeries or just trans stuff, in my case. I wanted to let you know though that you definitely ARE helping people – your video about metaoidioplasty was the first time I'd ever even knew it existed, and it got me so excited to think about, since I always knew somehow that phalloplasty wasn't something I was interested in, even before I questioned my gender. So thank you so much for your research, and experiences. It really helps.

  37. Such a weird question but after top surgery, do you still like having your chest touched sexually? I love having my chest touched and I'm worried all the sensation and stuff is gonna go away when I get top surgery ;-;

  38. YES my dysphoria fluctuates ALOT…. I would love to hear more info on bottom surgery… Sooo if you did a vid on bottom surgery etc. that would be awesome! 😉

  39. can you do a video on bigender if you havnt already? we deal with the fluctuating dysphoria allot as well and I don't see very many videos for bigender/genderneutral peopleI personally go back and forth on top surgery all the time, sometimes I don't want it at all when I'm feeling really girly and then I'm all for it when I'm feeling more guyish (I'm defiantly getting top surgery regardless of the fluctuations, ive made my mind up). I still struggling very much with whether or not I should go on T though

  40. I wish my shrink would understand english fluently and just watch all of your videos. it would literally be mindblowing to him haha

  41. this is my exact same experience as a trans man and hearing this made me cry, i always felt strangely invalid cause of not being that dysphoric, especially about my chest. and thanks hearing this helped alot

  42. aaa i felt really shitty bc my dysphoria was Super bad last year like i couldnt go to school without my binder and i was super conscious of my chest, but now more often im just kind of like "meh". but it does come back every so often but yeah. just felt kinda invalid as being agender bc i didnt feel like shit rip

  43. My dysphoria fluctuates a lot. It really sucks. The fact that some months I feel uncomfortable around the LGBT community and other times, I love it. It is really bad right now, though. STP research, T, and FTM stuff. It all sucks!

  44. Ive been researching bot surgery for months now and I was wondering if I could ask a few questions regrading bot surgery and hormone therapy

  45. Oh Christ, don't be so squeemish and all that… You are a hybrid and that's quite okay. Don't mutilate your sexual organs, that would be a shame. There is no journey. You are a hybrid and you will be until you die and mutilation is not a solution. Do not act as if mutilation of your body was to be treated like a choice of hair style.

  46. This video literally changed my life. Along with the "trans enough" project. So i realize i have a problem with peoples opinions and shit which has been holding me back and then the stereotypes like oh you have to be a girl or you are a pretty girl etc. But im not alone. I dont have to start T to be trans or have top or bottom surgery. Sometimes im okay with being called a girl which makes me feel less trans but that doesnt make me less trans. What is holding me back is having people look at me differently and being discusted of me but honestly I'm trans. I get excited about wearing guy clothes because thats all i want to do. I can't wait to cut my hair. If im misgendered that doesnt make me less of a guy. I dont need to conform to society. I donf need to be exactly like a cis guy. And dysphoria can fluctuate and feelings can change. I dont need to rush into labels. I dont need to rush into anything. I'm trans and i can take my time with my transition and everything can fall into place. Every step can take a while and thats okay. In the end, i will figure out what i want and need to do. Thankyou for inspiring me and helping me find this out. I have been struggling with this label forever and now I'm crying my eyes out but i feel so relieved. Thankyou so much💙

  47. I needed to hear this so much. I've been questioning my gender identity and I have come to the realization that I am a boy, not a girl. I told my mom but we have yet to talk about changing anything. Which has been giving me anxiety and it's making me overthink, like what if this isn't want I want? what if it's just a phase? but this morning I had a mental breakdown because my bra was showing through my shirt today. I am a boy. I know what I want and who I am and even if it makes me anxious I just need to remember that I'm doing this for my mental health. Thank you for posting this. ❤️

  48. Damn Chase. Thank you so much for this video. Thank you for being you, and for making people know that what they are going through is normal and that the ups and downs of this process are okay.

  49. My dysphoria fluctuates sooo much honestly, but I'm sooooo scared to actually transition for the sake of my moms mental health (bad place rn long story) and how my children's lives will be, I worry so much that my dysphoria just keeps getting worse but I'm just to scared to present as male, or literally do anything I just kinda wish I knew a FTM trans man who has two kids and a partner (who is accepting) in a small town to talk to

  50. yup! Me: "binding is a bit too much like wearing a bra, never going back to that bullshit! XD guess I'm just a dude with boobs LOL! XD!" also Me: "get these fucking things off me now!!"

  51. I so needed this right now. Life circumstances have kinda unexpectedly aligned to where I'm in the process of getting consultations for top surgery and suddenly I'm like "what chest dysphoria?" when I've been binding for 4 years and it's always been my biggest source of dysphoria. I've been stuck in that "hoping for the future" for so long and now it's here. But I just remind myself what it's like binding when it's ridiculously hot and like 85% humidity, and I'm like oh yeah, let's not do another summer with that.

  52. You are such an inspiration to me Chase. You're helping me learn all these things about myself that no one ever taught me, and at 25 I'm just starting to deal with my gender identity issues and I appreciate your videos more than any words can describe. If you read this know that you help keep me going.

  53. It's there most days and goes on all day, especially when I'm on my period. Very seldom does it go away, but yes, it does fluctuate.

  54. What you have is DEMONIC POSSESSION mixed with mental illness. Please seek spiritual help instead of ruining your body. Btw, for someone supposedly mentally male, you have the demeanor and mannerisms of a female. What is tormenting you is not transgenderism like you think, it's deceiving demonic spirits(Baphomet demon), and you'll forever be tormented no matter how much you mutilate yourself to change your outer appearance. Real peace cannot be had from altering your temporary material body. Materialism is never the answer.

  55. Some months ago I used to suffer from terrible dysphoria that led me to breaking into tears multiple times. However, I've been feeling less of it this year and I also became kind of unsure of my transgender identity. I don't know if I'm cisgender now… I also become more "bisexual" if you will.

  56. Chase i understand that for some people you are a bit confusing but for the people that are like you ore have the same sort confusion… you make perfect sence. And thank you to make this video's. It realy helps me..not to feel so strange. Even i'm not a transgender but a sort of a gender fluid person. so thank you!!!

  57. Hey there! I am looking for a video that explains different types of dysphoria in depth. (Social, body, etc.) I'd also love to find a video on this from a non-binary person. Could you direct me to a video/article like this?

  58. like I have so much dysphoria about my voice (only by people I came out to though) like I literally don't talk that much because of it I really try to lower my voice but it always sounds like I'm trying to hard ahhhhhh

  59. Really glad you made this video. Same. Last Thursday I had whole-body dysphoria. I couldn't even look at my hands without feeling sick and afraid (I am a very small person- 5'1" about 112 lbs,) and I could feel that the size and proportions of everything was wrong and I wanted to disappear. I couldn't take off my binder or boxers even to shower. The next day I felt the same- went to my therapist and asked him what am I going to do because there's obviously no surgery or HRT that can change your hands. I'm 31, this is as big as I get. Today I feel kinda terrible that I can look at everything without wanting to puke. I'm a person who needs everything to be definite. I want to be a guy. I go over what life would be like if I did nothing. Some days I can't stand the thought, some days it's only the smallest bit nauseating. It's like oh, crap, I'm not as miserable as before what does this mean? I have an appointment in three weeks at a clinic to start HRT. I have to feel my demi pre-t chin hair I've grown for 3 months (I'm pretty hairy for pre-t) to make sure it's what I want. It invariably is a confirmer for me. I imagine myself running on the beach without a shirt or binder, with a flat chest and I know it would feel freeing. That's how I deal with the fluctuation.

  60. some days I will have no dysphoria at all and other days It is bad and I can't stand looking like a girl and I'm not even sure if i'm trans

  61. Instill si scared to come out as trans cause of so many cultural things and how people i used to know would react. Parents might accept and that's what's matters most but I'm soo scared
    Trying to convince myself I don't need to transition but these current hormones are messing everything
    Sorry for this rant

  62. I'm nb and don't have any bottom dysphoria, but my top dysphoria definitely fluctuates. I feel like most of my top dysphoria is because of how others see me, because they see boobs, and go, oh, girl. But it's less when I'm alone.

  63. I’ve had a lot of trouble with fluctuating top dysphoria, I also don’t bind bc i have an underworks binder & it hurts to wear for extended periods of time. I’ve been rly indecisive about top surgery but hearing other trans ppl having gone through that surgery & also having gone through fluctuating dysphoria rly helps me realise that this is really what I want. Thank you for being open about this, it really helps 💙💙

  64. Thank you so much Chase. I thought I was just being delusional.Somedays i feel ok with my chest but today the fact I have breasts made me feel sick and I couldn’t concentrate on studying until I put on my binder, even then I don’t want to look in the mirror because my chest isn’t flat enough.
    Also, I’ve always felt like my name was somehow wrong and I often feel weird when people refer to me as ‘she’, but other times I don’t really notice it. I feel like dysphoria for me occasionally hits, but most of the time I’m just apathetic or occupied with something else. I’m not out to my family or friends, but I should be ok because they’re accepting people. For now, I’ll use binders, STPs, men’s clothes etc and see how I feel before going to my GP about getting a referral to a gender clinic. I really don’t want all the extra difficulty presented by surgery and hormones etc, I’ve had enough shit to deal with already, but if that’s what I need, so be it.

    Sorry for the rant just needed to get this out 😅

  65. Oh wow i needed this video right now. My dysphoria fluctuates a lot and on better days i start doubting whether im really nonbinary, and some of this comes from not awknowledging the dysphoria until i was 26 because yay repression, but once i awknowledged and accepted i was enby a couple months ago i deal with the (amab) chest dysphoria pretty constantly on some level…jeeze this is getting a little much for a youtube comment, but great video

  66. You're so underrated. Some of the things you say I dont necessarily agree with (I'm like kalvin garrah of that gives you a perspective) but I think you're very smart and make a lot of people feel less alone. Thank you chase.

  67. As far as the chest issue, I can understand it 100%. I am intersex as well as trans, and my vagina (which was made of a piece of intestine) does not have nearly as many nerve endings as a normal cis vagina. So as much as I hate the look of my chest, it is currently my main path to sexual gratification.

  68. I cut my hair from waist length to just below my ear, and right after that my dysphoria took a vacation for a few days. confused the heck out of me 👀

  69. My disphoria kicks me hard when I came out socially. I just can't live in my body anymore, it sucks, I can't even look in the mirror anymore, I can't wait to get top surgery amd take T

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