Dysphoria, Masculinity, and Coming Out (Q&A: Part 2)


Hey! My name is Gray, and welcome to my channel. So, I just got back from Disney World, so please excuse the ears. I just don’t want to take them off because I like them and they’re making me feel
happy and magical. So first let me say: This is my voice
one month on T. I don’t know if it’s changed. I don’t hear a change, uh, but we’ll compare it in later videos and we’ll see. Today’s video is about, not really about…
it’s the second part of the Q&A, so this is the trans related part, the LGBT
related part, of the Q&A that I started last week. So let’s get started, shall we?
Okay, I have a double widow’s peak. Is that like a normal thing? I don’t really
know. Tiny.philip asks: When did you know you were trans? Okay, good question. I
feel like I knew when I was little, but I didn’t really have the words to
say it. I was born in 1999 and so as I was growing up in those younger years,
being trans wasn’t really something that was publicized. It wasn’t widely accepted.
It wasn’t in the media at all, unless it was negative, and so the people around me, and I even, didn’t put that word to what I was feeling.
I’m sure I if I were growing up now, that would be something that was
said because I did things like try to pee standing up,
and tell my parents that I was going to be a dad and not a mom, you know? That
nowadays would be something that would get me sent to a gender therapist or
something. But at the time, it wasn’t
something that was said. I was labeled a tomboy and sent on my
merry way. When I was about 14, I got into the internet, and I found the label
lesbian, and snatched it up because I knew that that label would allow me to,
not only branch out in my sexuality, but also branch out in my gender expression.
I knew that if I were labeled lesbian, I would be able to dress more masculine
than other girls and get away with it, so I took that label for about six months,
and after those six months, I saw a video. I think it was Arielle Scarcella with
Alex Bertie in that video. Obviously Alex Bertie being the important part in that
video. And I saw him and at the time, I thought nothing of it. I thought: that’s
interesting, and again, kind of moved on with my life. But then as time went on, I
watched more and more videos of other trans guys, and eventually got to the
point where I was like: shit I’m probably trans. And so at about 15 years old,
I finally kind of came out to myself as trans. The underscore revolutionairre
asks: who did you first come out to? So I first came out, both as a lesbian and as a
trans guy, to my older sister first. Now, when I came out to her as trans, at
that point, I wasn’t sure. I had no idea if that’s really what I was, but I wanted
to tell her so she knew. The first person I seriously came out to as trans I
would say, full-knowing that I was actually trans, was my mom. Fandom underscore username asked: what advice could you give young trans boys in a
transphobic school / environment? Here’s the thing: I never want to give bad
advice, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. But what I would say to
that is find your people. Find a group or even just one person
that supports you. Another thing I would say is: don’t focus so much on the now. Look to the future. Look to: hey I’m going to start T eventually. Hey I’m going to get
a binder eventually. Hey maybe I even might get top surgery eventually. I’ll be
living on my own. I’ll have loving friends that support me. I’ll have a nice
job. Like don’t focus so much on the now because that’s going to get you in a
really bad headspace, and another thing I would say is know where you can find
help. Resources online are a great thing if you are in a transphobic area, you
know? If you’re in a super red state or you are in a town that’s super small and
not accepting, and you can’t find anyone, any adult, to help you, the Internet is a
great resource. So like The Trevor Project is fantastic. I will put the
resources to that here. If you’re ever feeling hopeless or bad or
just need to talk to somebody, that is a great place to go. I’ve used it many
times, and every time has been a good experience. I’ve never regretted it. Nick underscore Porter 42 asks: weirdest response when someone learned you were trans. Alright, this one isn’t weird as in like quirky. It’s weird as in like not-so-great and not what I was used to. So when I came
out, I came out to my sister, I came out to my mom, my brother, my dad, my immediate
family and friends, and they were all great. They were fantastic. I started
running into some problems with my extended family: My aunts, uncles, grandparents. Well, not really. That’s kind of unfair to say because really
everyone was good with it, except who we’re going to be talking about. I’m not going to
mention names or anything like that, or even how they’re related to me,
but basically what happened was I sent out letters to my extended family. All at the
same time. They all got them at the same time, explaining that I was trans and
what my name was and pronouns were, and pretty much everyone reacted super super
well. They all texted me, called me, saying we accept you, we love you, blah blah blah.
It was great. It was fantastic, and then there were two people in my life, who I
got no response from. Nothing was said. Nothing came up, like nothing was said,
and eventually my mom called them and said: hey, did you get Gray’s letter, and
basically what what happened was they said: yep we got, it and hung up. That was it, um, that was about six months ago I would say, and still nothing has been said to me, to anyone else about it. It’s kind of like it doesn’t exist. They still call me by
my old name and old pronouns, so I don’t know. That was the weirdest experience
I’ve had. Oh, the usernames guys. I underscore want underscore death asks: how do you deal/ cope with your dysphoria, and any tips on how to deal
with it in public? The biggest thing for me with dysphoria was I wanted to pass,
and I know that’s problematic and controversial, but for me, that’s what
made me feel better was when I was gendered correctly in public, so I have
another video I’ll link it up here on how I found ways to pass. Other than that, dealing with dysphoria can be hard. I would say it’s not an easy thing to deal
with, and it’s not going to go away, unfortunately. I would say do things that
make you feel good too, not just in terms of gender.
Read a good book or take a walk or just do stuff that you like doing because
that’s going to help you just increase your overall satisfaction with life and
it also might help to distract you from those not-so-great feelings that you’re
having. I am not going to lie. Dysphoria is tough, and it’s probably always
going to be there for you, and you know, in terms of the actual dysphoria, do what
you can to feel more masculine… Hang on. That probably wasn’t right because you might
be, um, let me look at your account. Okay. She/her, so yeah. You are
obviously not asking about how to feel more masculine. Sorry about that, um, so
you would be looking for ways to feel more feminine, I assume, and I don’t know
a ton about how to feel more feminine because that’s really the opposite of
what I’m trying to do, but I will put a list here of how to feel more feminine.
I’ll find it on the Internet. It’s not from my own personal experience, but
here you go. Last question. Are you ready?
motherfunking Reggie asks: what are the best things to do to feel more masculine?
This really depends on whether you’re closeted or out and whether you have an
accepting environment or not. So I’ll kind of gives general information for both.
Well, let’s start if you’re out and have an accepting family. If you have both of
those things, your options are limitless. You can do pretty much
anything you need to do. Binder, packer, possibly hormones. Again with all these
things there are wait times that you don’t really have control over, but you
can get on your way, you know. You can start your transition, basically, if you
have all those things. But based on the question, I would assume you don’t have
those things, so let’s say you’re closeted or you don’t have accepting
family. There are still things you can do to feel more masculine. For example, if you
live with other guys: a dad a brother, any other male person, you can take advantage of that. So let’s say you share shower with another male person. They’re going
to have soaps, shampoos in there that are probably more geared towards men. Use
those, you know? No one’s going to be looking at you in the shower, I hope, so
you can use any of those, and for me, that’s something that made me feel
better. Same thing with deodorant or Cologne.
Just don’t use too much because that might draw attention from people you
live with, and if you’re closeted as trans, but you’re out as let’s say a
lesbian, you can also [burps loudly] excuse me, also get away with certain things, which is part
of the reason why I think I came out as gay before I came out as trans.
You can get away with shopping in the men’s department. “Men’s Department.” I would say exercise helps a lot of people feel more
masculine. I would also say start a conversation with your doctor
about this because your doctor is going to be able to eventually start your
medical transition if that’s something you want. So even if you’re not out to
family, or even if they’re not accepting, your doctor has an obligation to keep
your conversations confidential, unless you’re going to hurt yourself or others,
so you come out to them if you’re comfortable doing that.
Say: hey I’m trans. What are my options? What resources can you give me? That’s
going to help you a ton because, even if you’re not out the family, they can get
the ball rolling behind the scenes so that when you do come out to your family,
that ball is already going to be rolling, which is going to reduce the time you
have to wait for things like hormones or surgery or anything like that. So yeah. And
one of the big themes I find in this video is just to surround yourself with
people who respect you and treat you the way you want to be treated. So if you’re
trying to feel more masculine, find people that are willing to call you by
pronouns you like. Find people that are willing to try out different names with
you. Find people who are willing to call you dude or buddy or you know any of
those things. So, I hope this helped. I hope my ears made you smile. Oh! Do you want to see the best part about these ears? Do you want to? Okay, they have my
name. I don’t know if you can see that, but my name is right here. My actual
real name, like my name. When I went when I was younger, I had my old name on it,
and the biggest thing I wanted when we went this time was just to have
ears with my name on it. So… It’s the small things in life guys. My name is Gray. Have a wonderful day.

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