The word depression is sometimes misleading. I was going to say that, yeah.
Because a lot of the time I don’t feel, I don’t feel sad. I’m… I can have a laugh, I can go out to the park or I can get on with things but there’s just something missing. Everything in my life was as good as it could reasonably be expected to be, you know I had a really nice girlfriend, I had a job that I
really enjoyed. Six months into it I… couldn’t do it any more. And it was actually my boss
who recognised it in me one day, pulled me into his office and and just said take two weeks off, and I came
back after two weeks and he was like right next project let’s get on with it and I just could not do it. And that’s
really the first point when I was like there’s something wrong here. I think I was 15, I became quite withdrawn from people – I’d generally been quite sociable. I was pulling out of activities. And I think for my parents, the
thing they always said is that it’s something in the eyes, you know, for
about four years I was just dead behind the eyes. Nothing’s a quick fix. It’s gonna be a
long time but the recovery will come and… quick fixes don’t work. It’s kinda like when you want to lose
weight, isn’t it – yes! – you go on a crash diet you can easily lose whatever, but it’ll go back on. If you do it sensibly over a long period of time you’ll maintain. But like you say, I thought before I started reading about it medication was to fix, a magic pill – and everything would be okay – yeah! The purpose of medication, you’re right, is to make… is the balance then you can deal with…
Deal with things Yeah – then you can be more proactive – get to level you can just, okay, then you can go outside and you can run, and you can, you know just get to work, but you’re at that – Yes, get dressed, have a bath [laughter] I had CBT, which I think for me has been the best and the results are still showing, like a year and a half later.
Cause I just finished a course of CBT, so… Did you find – because when I was going through it, I was so cynical about it, I thought I don’t know what I’m talking about, this isn’t helping. I liked it because it seemed, sort of, quite practical, and like things that I could stop and do. I’ve starting doing now photography in the past couple months, nothing professional nothing too great just yet, but having I don’t know, somewhere to go and for a reason. Going for a walk, it’s got a purpose and then come back with something I can see. Wow, I did that, I saw that. For me
personally it has helped me to you know, re-find, rediscover that… purporse, I suppose? Football, for me. When you sort of run so hard that you’re… there’s
just no energy left. I find at the end of that and maybe the day after as well that seems to be something that helps. It’s key for me. I can’t do without it. Running’s like that for me. My mind just goes but it sort of… seems to peel itself, if you like, while I’m running. It just frees my mind I guess. I think for me I found that as normal a
routine in the house was quite important, I didn’t want people
to tiptoe around me, I didn’t want to be treated differently, because I think it makes you
feel a lot worse. People understanding… how you are and how you can be when you’re in a certain frame of mind for me at least is absolutely crucial. Just knowing someone’s there – even if it’s
just one person you tell It’s still one person who can help you, it doesn’t have to be tell the whole world. Company is very important when we need it. Not forced company. A little text to say is it okay to call right now – yeah – or if or I’m going to call you in five minutes, is that okay. Little… it’s like signposting.
Or even just a silly picture message or something or just a little emoticon. Someone’s there, isn’t it – someone’s there, yeah.