Depression & suicide: Collab with Brittani Louise Taylor | Kati Morton

Hey everybody. I have a very special guest. Brittani is joining me today, ta-da! -Hi! To talk more seriously and in-depth
about signs and symptoms, Of depression and suicidality. And kind of what we’re
going to do about it. If we notice it in ourselves. Or if we notice it in someone that
we love and care about. -Cool. Cool. -Yep. Awesome. So like I said, Today we’re going to
talk a little bit about, Depression, suicidality, and
some of the warning signs. And I know I have talked
about these in the past. But it’s always a good
refresher and reminder. Especially around the holidays. Things can get a little more stressful, And it can be really hard. And a lot of the most common symptoms, Obviously everyone’s
experience is different. But I’m gonna make some notes here,
so if I peek down, that’s what I’m doing. So the first one. -She’s cheating. I can cheat. Is withdraw or isolation. If we find ourselves pulling away
from those we care about. Brittani’s like ‘Hey hang out’,
and I’m like ‘Ehh, I can’t.’ Then that may be a sign that
someone is really struggling. Also sleeping too much or too little. Like I said, everyone’s
experience is different. So some people will find themselves
having trouble getting out of bed. Like in your video, and she’s like ‘Noo.’ -Yeah, but Nancy was like, -You have to watch it, if you haven’t
watched it, Nancy is depressed. -So, yeah. When you, I don’t know.
You don’t want to do anything. Exactly. You have no energy. And some people won’t sleep at all. They will lay in bed at night
and be like, ‘Ehh.’ They can’t go to sleep. And then also eating too much
or eating too little. Again depending on you. Also not enjoying things that
they used to enjoy. And that’s. Honestly as a
therapist in my practice. That’s my number one indicator. If they are like, ‘Well I don’t
really want to play piano.’ But they love playing piano. -Yeah, that’s bad. Yeah. Because that’s just a
sign that something’s off. And we should be enjoying
those things in our life. -Yeah. Then the last three is, Obviously an increase in
drug or alcohol use. A lot of times. -It’s a really good indicator, right. Yes. Because we’re using
it as a way to cope. So things are feeling really crappy. And we’re just feeling really down. And we may use that to help, you
know, go to another place with it. And also, someone obviously
is talking about killing themselves. Or feeling like they are a
burden to other people. That’s a very clear indicator. And the last one is when you give
away prized or valued items, Because, you know, if you’re going
to commit suicide you’re like, ‘Well I won’t be using it.
So I’ll give it to you.’ So if you notice any of these,
please reach out for help. If someone in your life is, you know,
exhibiting any of these symptoms, Please please please get them
the help they need. Let them know that you are
there to support them. -Yeah. And so, with Brittani, I guess we were just going to kind
of have a little chat about it. And first of all, since you have been
on youtube for, forever and ever. I wondered if you get a lot of
mental health questions, or. -I really do. -Because I think like, my videos are
always really positive and like bubbly. -Because I think people like think
that I always have my stuff together. -Or something, so I would have,
you know, the right answers. Or. -I mean I try. -Like, you know, sometimes I feel
like I have really good advice. Yeah. -And sometimes I’m just completely lost. -Like when people do say that they
are suicidal or something on twitter, -It’s really hard for me because I don’t,
I don’t know what to do. -I don’t know how to help them. -I like, almost always I say like, ‘Please
tell your parents. Tell your friends’. Yeah. -And try to get help. Because I can’t, I
don’t know how to fix that. You know. -I don’t know why. -So a lot of times it’s like
pressure on me. -But yeah I do get questions. Yeah, and I think it’s great, It’s a great sign that shows how much people
look up to you and love your channel. Because the fact that they feel open
enough to talk to about it, you know. -Yeah. So, often times for myself. When I’m giving advice or
offering up some options, I feel it’s easier when I’ve had a
personal experience with it. Is that, have you personally had, Some experience with mental health,
either you or a loved one. -Yeah, no I mean, -I think my first kind of I
think instance of it, -I was in seventh grade and I
actually had a friend commit suicide. Oh I’m sorry. -But he’s like. It’s fine. His family
like, there’s a lot of family drama. -And I don’t think he, he didn’t
know the gun was loaded. -He was more threatening to do it. -And then he did it. -And then, yeah. -It was really really really messy. -So I think, I didn’t really
understand that. -I just knew that, I just knew
that it was really sad. -And my play mate was gone. -Does that make sense? Yeah. -Because I was in seventh grade, -And this was someone that I
used to ride horses with, -At the place where we boarded horses. -So it was very weird for
them not to be there. Yeah. -But like, personally, -It was really hard, -My dad passed away from Bladder Cancer, -So that was about three years ago. -So I think I had definitely
like after he passed away, -I had some of these symptoms. -I didn’t want to shower, -It was really hard for
me to get out of bed. -Like I didn’t give away anything. -Or, but I just literally
had this, I just hurt. -And I just wanted to sleep. Yeah. Which are symptoms of depression really. And in DSM speak, If we are talking about depression
when we are grieving. That’s part of the grief. We don’t technically say, you
know, ‘You’re depressed.’ It’s, ‘You’re grieving’ -Yeah. And it’s hard. I mean I had a similar experience
when my dad passed away. Where I struggled to do the things, Enjoy the things I wanted, I didn’t want to see anybody,
I didn’t want to talk to anybody. It was hard to sleep. Like a lot of
the symptoms that we are talking about. Are things that you will experience. -Yeah, I went to a friend’s party and
it was right after my friend passed away. -And just like them, just hear like
even gossiping or things that they were, -I couldn’t handle like
normal life things. Yeah. -I was like, I was thinking
I would scream at them, -‘My dad just died. And you’re
worried about this little petty thing.’ Totally. -And I was like, ‘This is not healthy.’
Like I am going bite people’s heads off. -You know, so, I was like
‘I’m going to go home.’ ‘This is done for me.’ I remember thinking, I don’t know if
this is something that you experienced, But I remember feeling like, ‘Don’t you know my dad died.
Like life shouldn’t be going on.’ Like there’s traffic, and I’m like
‘What the hell is this, don’t you know.’ Like, it should just stop. Because it stopped for me. -And I know like also, I remember
I was being at like a flea market. -And people being mean to their
parent or mean to that person. -And I’m thinking, well you
know, weird thoughts. -Like, ‘You don’t deserve to have
like your father, mother around.’ -Like just really weird angry thoughts. -I’m fine now. But yeah. Yeah. -Definitely had a weird phase. It feels that way. We can get angry a lot
about that kind of stuff. Because of the, it’s a process. We’re trying to figure out what our life
looks like now that things are different. And how, you know, We can be jealous of people who
don’t have that terrible experience. That we’ve had. -But I mean, I think the biggest
thing that helped me though, -Was just talking about it. -Like I talked and talked to my mom
about my dad and everything for years. Yeah. -Like I just talked about it all of the
time to the point where I finally was, -Like it didn’t hurt. -I could talk about it easily. -And it just, it just takes time. -It was just a healing process
I had to go through. -Yeah I think honestly the thing that
helped me the most, -Was just talking about it. -And it was just, you know, -Because like I had some of
my other family members, -That just ran away and didn’t
really talk about it. -And they are still dealing with it. -And like it’s been three years,
I finally can talk about it. -And it doesn’t hurt. -And I think that this is
something that happened. -It gave me empathy. -It didn’t make me bitter. Yeah. -So I think, when something
like that happens, -You have two roads. -You can become like, you know,
bitter and angry at life. -Or you can become empathetic and
so grateful for what you do have. -Knowing how precious it is. -Does that make sense? Yeah. And a lot of times I think instead of
looking at potential ‘traumas’, I guess we’ll call them. Or hard times. Instead of looking at them
as a real shitty situation. And just like, ran us over. We can think of it as like,
a scar story about our life. It makes you a better version of yourself. It makes you who you are. -Yeah. Helps shape us. And talking it out is really important. That’s why I always tell
you guys to reach out. Even if it’s just a friend
or family member. The more we talk about it,
the more we process it. Like Brittani was saying, the less
like power it has over us. The less we hurt over it. And we will all have our bad days. And when we are going through
stuff that can be really stressful, We can still cry about it. But we know that that’s okay. And it’s all, just part of this process. -And a lot of it is just not being, -Like I think for me too the
biggest thing that I learnt in life, -Is just always to be honest. -Because like even sometimes the
things that are most scary, -It’s like you’ve got to
be honest about things, -That are really big
problems in your life. -Because people will
surprise you how supportive, -Or how they get behind you
when you’re just honest. -And just be real and let them
know really what’s going on. Yeah. Because then they know where you’re at. -And then they will try to help you. -At least like, -If they don’t have
all of the information, -Then a lot of times it’s really hard
for people to get behind you. -Like lets say you
have an eating disorder, -Or you have something that
you are going through. -If you don’t tell anyone how are
they supposed to help you. Yeah. Because then they don’t even
know what they are dealing with. They might not even know
that you are hurting. -Yep. Most of my viewers in general are girls
and they are in their teens. And obviously I know there are many
of you who don’t fall into that category. But a majority of them are. And so, you’re a very happy bubbly person. And what advice, looking back, Would you give to, you know,
thirteen year old Brittani? If you could. -I mean I feel like there is one, -Like the main thing for me
is like I am a worrier. -So I feel like if I could
just go back in time, -There is so many things that I worried
about that never came true. -Like I worried, like when I moved to LA, -Like I would have just enough like
you know, money to be able to eat. -Or if I would actually work. -If I was doing the right thing. -Or I worried about
whether guys liked me or not. -Or I worried about my skin and, -I just feel like I worried too much. -When I could have just been
enjoying life and relaxing. Yeah. And it’s funny what you
think, looking back, Even just thinking for myself. If you look back on what you thought
was going to be a big deal, -It’s not. It’s not a big deal. -Or things that I thought were like,
I would never be happy again. -And then, like oh my god, I even
liked a guy but it didn’t work out. -It was like, ‘I’m never
going to be happy.’ -It was just so overwhelming. Yeah like, ‘My world is
over oh my god.’ Totally. But it never, it gets better. Things get better. -And I think it’s also too,
just like being yourself. -And being confident with like, even
if someone doesn’t like you. -All that matters is if you like you. -But no, I think like just being
confident and just I am. -It took me a while. -Like I think I was always trying to be, -Like, I didn’t know like what,
how was supposed to act. -Or you know it took me
a while to realise that, -I could just be quirky and be
myself and people accepted it. Yeah. -And really it’s from making videos. -Is what really brought
me out of my shell I think -And I realised that, Really? -Yeah, when I was just being
myself and quirky, people liked it. And then they liked you, yeah. -And I was like, -‘Okay, so I don’t have to try to be cool’ -‘Or be funny or be sexy.
I just had to be myself.’ Yeah. And I guess my last
question that we had was, If you have any other friends and youtubers
that have talked about mental health, People they could maybe look up or,
you know, stuff like that. -I think, like I think that’s what’s really
hard for me, is like when people don’t, -You know, everyone has like, -I know Shane Dawson
talks about his problems. -He is very open with
them all of the time. Which is great. -And I love it. -So brave. -I mean, Connor Franta just came
out which I thought was just. -That video almost made me cry. -I’m thinking like the fact that he felt
like he had to hide like who he was. -And, you know, -The fact that everyone’s supporting him
so much now that he’s being who he is. -Like that’s the biggest testament. -Like, just be who you are. -Like gay, straight, purple. -That doesn’t matter. Yeah. -If you’re purple. Be purple. Yeah, and people love you for who you are. And just embrace it. -Yeah that’s funny because I think that
he is just one of those people, -Who when you watch their videos that
they make you feel better about yourself. -And they make you feel happy. -And like, those are your role models. -You know the ones that
like you look up to, or. Yeah. -It’s like, for everyone it’s different. -Like, you know, if you’re a baker you might
like some really positive baking videos. -Find what you like. Yeah. And I think that’s a great message. Is finding, on youtube, And on social media. -In life, yeah. And people, yeah, in life in general. Is positive supportive things
that make you feel better. Because I know sometimes we can get
sucked in to like a negative swirl. Where we are like looking
at really bad content, And negative, you know, feel bad
about yourself content. And that’s why I like your channel. -Thank you. -That kind of segways in to like, it’s
really important who your friends are. Yeah. Exactly. So we did a video previously
on Brittani’s channel. If you haven’t checked it out. And you haven’t gone to her channel. Click the link here. Check it out. Her videos are amazing. Hilarious. So uplifting. I love that there’s messages
at the end sometimes. And it’s just, it’s really great. So if you haven’t checked it out, Check it out. And we’ll just keep being
cool and hanging out. And also don’t forget to subscribe. Because I put out videos five days a week. And you could miss them. And that’s really sucky. -[Laughs] -What she said. Not that cool. Sean will like, bloop bloop bloop. -Sweet. -Awesome. -There’s a plane. -Doesn’t the plane know that we’re talking
about some very serious stuff right now? -It’s like totally messing up our shot. Oh the plane. -Zee planes. -Zee planes. -Give me your hard drive girl. What. -Your hard drive girl. Oh hard drive. I thought you said hard drop. -No give me your hard drive girl. Drop. -I know, so sorry. [Laughing] Subtitles by the community


  1. You really helped me a lot I've been watching your videos since you started your channel and you really helped me love you and thanks from my heart

  2. my depression is apart of me 🙂 i feel "happy" with it and i dont see it as a judge problem not always well some times iwont to get rid of it but i lived with it for such a long time that i dont want it to go when i dont have a break down for long iam sad and miss it. normally i get depressed over my life and how i will never reach my dreams idk …

  3. I'm so glad you have gotten to collab with Brittani! Hopefully this will make your audience grow, which I really think you deserve, but even more importantly more people who could really need to watch your videos might find them 🙂 

  4. My Suicide Awareness Tribute:

    I made this Friday morning. Could you watch it and maybe give me a little feedback? I love your videos, you're such an inspiration, thank you for everything you do!

  5. I could relate so much to the things both Brittani and Kati were talking about with losing their fathers, especially Brittani's comment about feeling angry seeing others disrespecting their parents. I still feel that to a much lesser degree at this point (3 years after my dad's death) along with a diminished tolerance for pettiness. But, like Brittani mentions, time is necessary in the healing process and expressing your feelings helps, too. Two years ago I still had a terrible time talking about my dad at all without tearing up but now I can talk about fun memories and truly enjoy them (though I still miss him every day). 

  6. This post is so spot on with my emotions. I knew today would be rough, but I didn't expect this video to happen on the same day. Pretty surreal for me.

  7. Hi I don't know if this will help but at the beginning of the video you both talk about experiences that happened and you "carried on" as normal and it was hard to grieve! Well during my upbringing many un normal things happened and I chose to "carry on" go to school and go through adulthood! I'd advise anyone else in my boat then to please speak up to someone! Anyone, and keep speaking until you get the help you need! I tried to take my own life. Never again. You don't have to just carry on when really you deserve help!

  8. Love the collabs! Please keep doing them! Although, I have to say that the switching back and forth between two cameras was very distracting to me…if others agree then maybe you can just stick with one camera in the future…thanks Kati 🙂

  9. First, Brittani, I'm sorry for both of your loses and may both of them rest in peace. I also had relatives and people that I know who died from cancer or who died from mental illness. I really love how you guys had a group therapy session video, talking about your experiences and how you dealt with them. I also, lost interest in things that I enjoying doing. Right now, I love watching DVDs and read books, but haven't came around to doing those things yet. Today, I will read one my books that I checked out from the library. Also, I shut people out of my life because I feel like I don't deserve them in my life and I have trouble talking about my problems to people, except for my mom and sometimes my brother. Mostly, my depression comes from my life experience and that I wish I will be in a different place, then what I'm at now. Kati, you should be getting a lot of subscribers on your channel cause' you are honest and you tell it like it is in a caring way. I'll be watching more of your videos and I'm already subscribed to Brittani's channel already!! May God bless the both of you!

  10. Brittany Louise Taylor you just gave me so much strength sharing your story of how you felt when your dad passed away and how you are now able to talk about it without it being too overwhelming. Thank you, thank you.. It's hard but Life is such a gift and nobody nobody that passes would want you to be sad and waste SOOOO many opportunities to laugh, smile and be happy =) <3  I love you all, thanks for sharing 😉

  11. Great video. What happens if you have been depressed or have dysthymia for so long that you don't know what 'more' or 'less' is and you don't remember what you use to like (or you grew out of activities and never found ones to replace it)?

  12. #KatiFAQ How do I know whether CBT or DBT will be better for me? My psychiatrist is recommending DBT for treatment, but it is a huge commitment (18 months) and I don't have problems with BPD. I don't think my problems are "bad" enough to need DBT. I am overwhelmed trying to decide which treatment is best for me right now. How do I decide?

  13. +Kati Mortan I really need help so my mom found saw my room most of the stuff was my brothers (my brother is 17 & I'm 11 yrs old) so my mom blamed it on me this had happened several times my brother gets good grades the only person I trust is my teacher she said the reason why I don't get good grades is because I'm to concentrated on my mom getting me in trouble I find the way to get it out is by hitting myself crying and cutting myself now I got therapy at school because this girl was talking things behind my back and pretending to be my friend we are having a party at our class at school and nobody wanted me to be with them I get bullied all the time and I spend lunch most of the time alone. I'm depressed and most of the time all I need is someone to think that I can be a good happy person because I fake my smile to people because I don't want to get picked on more than what I already get so please respond to my comment I need help and I'm just 11 years old and I'm suicidal please.

  14. My friend has 3 of the symptoms;( I love her so much and I try to make her happy, but she always cries at night, and I feel like I'm not enough

  15. #KatiFAQ Is it possible that me hiding that I'm bisexual to everyone (apart from 3 very close friends) is making me depressed? My whole family is Christian and they are against gay people. My mum knows I have a bisexual and lesbian friend and she always says "How do they know they're like that? It's disgusting!" "They're going to turn you gay" "You need new friends" etc. It just really hurts hearing that because she's basically talking about me.. My dad's side if they knew wouldn't have any contact with me again (they no longer have contact with their gay cousin) and well my mum's side are so religious.. I'd be a disappointment to the family. I think this adds to my depression (been through other stuff such as physical/mental abuse but I'm not going into that right now) but how can I make it not make me feel shit? Should I come out to my counsellor so I can talk about it? My town is homophobic so I'm not sure if I should..

  16. It's wierd you put this vid up now. Last week I attempted suicide took an overdose. I told my family I felt like it for months but they didnt take it seriously, the problem is people think its an attention thing but its not, there is a stigma attached to it so people are afraid to talk about it. I was so sure I looked up the toxic amount and took double and had already written my notes. Weirdly my mum called as soon as I did it and I told her I loved her. Long story short I only remember getting in the ambulance and I was unconscious for 2 days, in resuscitation for 9 hours where my parents couldn't see me. In ICU and my family told I wouldn't make it. I had fluid on my lungs and the beginning of pneumonia. When I did wake up the drs and nurses were so shocked that I didnt have brain damage r anything. They didnt know why but a few days later I went uninscious again because I had some drugs in my bag and I took them but I woke again a few hours later, again the drs and intensive care staff were shocked I woke as my heart was 170 beats a minute. This last Monday I was allowed home after I saw the mental health team. Wat shocked me was when I talked to the woman and told her why and about my past and my genetic illness where I am always and always will be in pain she cried. That was the first moment I actually realised someone care if I lived or died. I had been certain no one would care. I'm 21 now and feel like I have no future but I'm starting to make steps towards trying to think differently, when you said things like not going out ect it was like a checklist that I ticked all. I've had bulimia for 9 years and it was out of control, at least I am seeing someone now. The crisis team will pass me over to recovery team soon. The reason I put this is to make a point, I was 100% certin last week. I wanted to die, somehow a miracle happened and I survived it twice, I'm finally getting help and seeing how much people do care about me, I was in such a dark place I couldn't see the love around me. Please get help because u might not be as lucky as me and not get a second chance, I promise you someone loves you even if you don't believe me. You are worth getting help and you are worth having a happy life. I still struggle daily with depression and suicidal feelings strongly but I take it a day at a time, sometimes a hour at a time but things will get better. The phrase is so true "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"! Once you have done it, it's done, no second chance, get help, I care about you. We can battle depression together and get through these suicidal feelings, millions of people feel this way, you are not alone. Don't end your life being a statistic, make something of your life. These feelings you feel use them to help someone else, you one day could be the person who saves someone else's life because u know how they feel, not textbook but actually true feelings you have battled through. Take it day by day and I know we can beat it. We are all worth getting better however worthless and crap we feel at the moment. Love and hugs to anyone who needs it. Plus keep doing the awesome vids, they are such a good help to so many people. Xxxxxxxx

  17. Hey my name is Starla and i'm having panic attacks at night…my school recently had a  lock-down not to long ago…and i'm scared to death about sirens,fireworks, and cars…….i heard your a therapist………can you give me a little help?I Havent been sleeping and i'm staying up ALOT i spend most of my time away from family…I'm gonna be 10..

  18. Eating too much? Sleeping too much? Isolation(in my room watching Netflix)…
    I guess I'm suicidal🙌🏼😋😂😂😂

  19. Wow.  Wow Brittani.  Know what, like 6 years ago Brittani made a video like this where she was crying about her insecurities.  Apparently her biggest insecurity is the scar on her chin because "people think it's a butt chin."  Her biggest insecurity was people thinking she had a "butt chin".  Does she even realize how awful that made me feel?  I still think about it.   I have a cleft chin.  It's very noticeable and deep.  There's no hiding it.  It's my biggest insecurity.  While hers was people THINKING she had one that wasn't even noticeable AT ALL.  I hate Brittani and here she is talking about suicide and depression.  Thanks girl, you REALLY reached out to me.

  20. I can't talk to my family about depression, they don't believe in it. they have hurt me a lot and am trying to forgive them and myself but I keep getting [email protected]@ed off with my family and they comments. which makes me feel worthless. pushing me to the edge. any tips, please. Thanks 🙁

  21. I've visited a few near death experience sites on the internet, among those were a few from people who tried to commit suicide. They said suicide wasn't an escape. Your personal problems actually got worse when you tried to commit suicide.

  22. This video makes me feel a little worse. Kind of because she doesn't have any severe mental health issues/diagnoses. If she could tell her younger self something, she would "not worry and feel more enjoyment". If I could I would!!! This video kind of makes me feel ashamed because depressed people try so so so hard to feel joy, but they just can't. It's part of the illness. This video seems to make light of suicide and is a little invalidating of suicidal FEELINGS.
    I love you Katie though!

  23. so true I look up to Demi Lovato because she's struggled with a lot of the same things I have and still do due to being bullied.

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