Depressed and Locked in a Psychiatric Hospital

Hi, I’m Veronica. One of the lowest points in my experience living with depression is when I was 20 years old and put into
a psychiatric hospital against my will. One Saturday morning, I prepared for brunch by taking a handful of anti-anxiety meds with beer and vodka. I wanted to escape. I didn’t care if I fell into a deep sleep and never woke up. My friends came to pick me up and they knew something was off. So we went to the ER. I was worried about the nurses seeing my arms because I’m a self-harmer. and I knew that they would freak out; not only about the cuts, but the scars. I didn’t consider taking the pills a suicide attempt but it was definitely suicidal behavior. And if you’ve ever had any experience with suicidal thoughts, this is a safe place to share and you can do it below. I was told that I was going to be put on a 5150, which is a California law that states they believe you are harm to yourself or others, you can be put into a mental institution against your will. I was terrified. I was frustrated. I felt like a prisoner. Even being transported there, I was in the back of a van that was driven by a police officer and caged in like an animal. My room was sterile, very similar to the one I’m in right now, with white walls, florescent lighting. I was made to go in front of a table of about 10 people and prove my sanity. And if I answered incorrectly, I would be stuck in there for I don’t know how long. After about 45 minutes of questioning, I got out. I felt relieved. I was starving. And I was so grateful that another friend of mine was waiting for me with McDonald’s breakfast. The main thought in my mind was if I ever do this again, I’m not getting caught. And there’s no way I’m ever going to end up in a psychiatric hospital ever again.


  1. I've been dealing with depression for over 10 years ( I'm 20 going on 21 ) , so a majority of my life . It got the point where I fantasized about going to sleep and never waking up . I still have plans and "tools" in case , which keeps my therapist on edge all the time . She ask me from time to time if I mean what I say , the threats and the jokes about suicide , which unbeknownst to her aren't jokes at all . She keeps saying she'll have to tell on me , especially after I mentioned that I think about hurting myself and dying regularly, but if she knew that the more she threatened to send me away increased my want to hide it she'd probably stop. I can't count how many unsuccessful attempts I've had, but I did get sick form a few. I think I have a pretty solid plan . Plan A and B , and for those , I've already told her there will be no warning . I don't believe in causing others pain and I know God loves me and understands my pain , but my mind is too much sometimes

  2. This is sad. Can you avoid a 5150 by making yourself a voluntary admit? I never had to have a three-day hold (how it works in my state) because I was always voluntary. Now, when I was hospitalized, I needed to be hospitalized and I knew it. Plus, the hospital I went to was a small, adequately staffed short-term acute care facility and the staff cared about the patients. I'm sorry you had a negative experience.

  3. I found myself confined to a hospital because I went in voluntarily and ASKED for help. I was already scheduled to be there for a heart test, but I had been so sick for so long that I went to the front desk and said I'd like some help with my medications, please. I didn't trust my doctor and wanted a second opinion, someone to look over what I was taking and tell me if that could be what was making me feel this way. I was as calm and polite as I could possibly be, even though I was convinced I was dying.
    I was rushed into a little room without privacy, feeling like I'd just been arrested without being read my rights. They ignored the concerns I had and read questions from a sheet. When they asked if I had thoughts of suicide, I answered honestly. That was a mistake. What followed would take many pages to describe, but I was stunned by the rudeness and disrespect with which I was treated. I shared a room with a man who had made an actual attempt, and he was treated worse than I was.
    Finally, the doctor came in and told me that there was nothing wrong with me and he was discharging me immediately. He also accused me of being a junkie because I had alprazolam in my system. He hadn't even bothered to learn that I had a prescription for it and was taking it as directed. This "doctor" didn't even know what a benzodiazepine was.
    So I was kicked out when I was too weak to walk to the car and had no idea what I was supposed to do.
    It would be about six months before I began to recover.

  4. I've been inpatient more times than I can remember. Fortunately, not often in the last 10 years. Recovery is indeed a thing. Of the two hospitals I was in, I was treated very well, and other than the locked doors, it was more like a hotel stay than a hospital. The decor sucked, but it was a peaceful escape. I've always signed myself in, although a few of those times I did so to avoid an IDE or IDO (Indiana's equivalent to a 5150) I don't want you to think that all hospitals are this nice, the horror stories I've heard make me fear to ever go out of the two hospital networks I usually go to.

  5. What were you depressed about? I have been feeling depressed about being bullied. I want to spend the rest of my life in a mental hospital.

  6. I have been in the hospital a lot since 2012. Happy to say I have been out since march 2016. I go to a psr mental health day program it helping a lot.

  7. i feel horrible. everyday. i don’t talk i just think. everyday i think about dying. i got in a big fight today. then i ripped out my hair and scratched up my face until i bled because my mom and dad just don’t care. then i wrote my suicide note and almost killed myself. now i’m on a waiting list for another mental hospital

  8. At least you got the treatment you needed; many people are turned away by hospitals and subsequently end up committing suicide because staff refuse to take them seriously.

  9. I was 20 years old when I was first committed to a mental hospital against my will. For the first time.That was on May 14, 1992 , 6 days after I contemplated suicide. I was trapped in an intervention with my therapist. My life has gone upside down ever since. I became an alcoholic, a drug addict, and chain smoker ever since. 26 years in hell and and counting!

  10. I was forcibly locked in a psych ward after being FALSELY accused of having made a suicidal threat. Even though I assured all the doctors I was absolutely not suicidal, they certified me as a mentally ill individual who had made recent overt threats of violence and represents an imminent risk of harm to himself or others. On the form for the part where he was supposed to dbe scribe the threat, the doctor simply wrote “Depression, suicidal ideation.” I was detained overnight in the ER, then processed into a locked psych facility where I was strip searched squat and cough like prison, then they took my mugshot. I finally got released after 6 days. I was never put on any medication, because obviously I didn’t need it, since I do t have depression or any other mental issue. Finally on the 6th day, I was released. They sent me a bill for $12,000. The most unbelievably infuriating experience of my life. This is America.

  11. I suffer from depression and anxiety do to years of bullying and my dysfunctional family I’m 20 I have no friends ,no life , I’m 20 years old depressed, slacking in school, all I want to do is smoke weed all day I use every penny in my pay check from my little job for weed and blunts and junk food I have really became dependent on weed

  12. Thats horrible im sorry. Ive been to really great paych hospitals in NY and baker acted and went through hell in FL. I know a 5150 is pretty much the same as a baker act or 72 hour hold

  13. I gained severe depression and anxiety after a traumatic event I nearly wanted to be put in a ward I felt helpless and hopeless but time heals and it’s slow I still suffer and most days I’m not too productive but keeping my hopes high I’d also like to mention that there has been significant findings with magic mushrooms and a real cure from this kind of illness unfortunately it is illegal but hopefully one day I’ll get my hands on it to try maybe others can look into it too.

  14. Mental hospitals are the worst place to get help. They treat you like a deranged animal and expect you to get better.

  15. I was forced to a mental ward after my boyfriend broke up with me and I wanted to kill my self then I had to deal with the pain and being in the hospital made it hell on earth

  16. I actually just got out today.. I made a suicide attempt and was put on suicide watch and then transported to a Psych Hospital, where I stayed in for 3 days.. I guess I was really lucky for them trusting me to go home and not try to kill myself again.. 1st day was miserable, 2nd and 3rd were better, I just had to come to terms that I was there.. Never would have thought I would have been there and now I’m taking Wellbutrin and it’s actually working really well with not just my Depression, but also my anxiety.. I also got to meet some really nice people who go through the same thing I go through. That was honestly the only good thing about it

  17. I was just told by my mom that I ruined her family.. I searched how many pills to die and this came up… guess I needed to see this

  18. Not saying much but I have recently tried to commit suicide twice, and I tried to reach out to others who I thought were my friends, and they just made fun of me and called me a faker. I want to kill myself or just never wake up, but I’m worried that if my parents/family find out that they will send me to a psych ward.

  19. I was a self-harmer back in February. It was more of a cry for help than an actual self harm but now I cant handle it anymore. The last time I self harmed was last night… Christmas day.

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