Brewstew – First Fight


Alright, it’s fifth grade I’m walking home from school
with a few buddies of mine One of those kids was a kid named David Now, David was a kid
that always dared people to do stupid shit “I’ll give a ten dollars if you make out
with this dog turd for 10 seconds” “You’re on!” “Woah, woah, woah, wait a minute, Michael,
holy hell! Ten dollars?” “He’s nine-years-old for Christ’s Sake!” “David’s never even seen ten dollars
in his whole life! Don’t be a dumbass!” When people didn’t do these dares, well Then sometimes he would just
take matters into his own hands And on this particular walk home
from school, that’s exactly what he did He came up to us, and he whips out
this little bottle of cologne from his pocket And he’s like:”You dare me
to spray this into somebody’s face?” And we were like: “Wait a minute,
what the hell is your 9-year-old ass doing with the bottle of cologne?” I know, I’m sure you’ve got
tons of chicks left and right, doing your sweet bunny hops
on your Razor scooter “You dare me to spray this
in somebody’s face or what?” “Spray in somebody’s face?
Why the hell would you..” “Okay, I’ll do it!” And David just scampers off
towards some kid I’ve never even seen before Some kid just minding his own business Probably wondering what Animaniacs’
episode’s gonna be on when he gets home And David’s just like:
“Hey, you, jabroni!” “What?” *sprays cologne* “Ah my God!” *devilishly laughs* The poor kid just got like 47 cents worth
of the cheap cologne sprayed into his eyeballs He’s down on his knees screaming in agony Like Willem Dafoe in the end of Platoon And we’re just staying there baffled,
like:”What the hell is he doing?!” So we run after David to figure out
why he assaulted this young man With a Scrappy-Doo book bag We catch up to him if front of the porn shop Yeah we had a porn shop, that was like
300 yards away from our elementary school It was a little weird, little uncomfortable
to walk past, when you’re going home Sometimes we’d stand across the street watch all the perverts
going in and out of that place *whistles* “Ah, sick! Lukey’s going in! “Ah, god damn it!” *Runs away* So we catch up to David, and we’re like: “What the hell are you doing,
you fucking terrorist!” “You guys dared me!” “We didn’t dare you to blind a child,
David, what the fuck?” And then all of a sudden The Scrappy-Doo book bag himself,
with his little sister Eyes are all bloodshot and shit “Ah, man, he looks pissed!
Wait a minute, why is he looking at me?” “Woah, hey, buddy, I didn’t melt your
goddamn eyeballs out of your head” “Don’t look at me!” He’s like ripping grass out of the earth
with his bare hands To show that he’s really,
really mad, I guess I was like:”Ah, shit, I’ve played
Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out before he’s gonna charge at me like ball bull” I look over at David,
he’s got his dumbass smile on his face Just completely alright
with the situation that he has created That he’s not even fucking a part of anymore “Look, I know you’re upset, okay?
But your eyeballs smell fantastic” Too late. Fucking kid just starts darting right at me So I do what comes natural,
I get out of the fucking way And the kid cracks his face on the tree
that’s right behind us Blood starts gushing out of his face Kid drops to his knees
like Willem Dafoe in the end of Platoon “Holy hell!
That kid got beat up by a maple tree!” I turn over to look at David, and..
Where is David? He’s sprinting his ass down the road,
that’s where he’s at! So what the hell are we supposed to do with this bleeding child
in the middle of the road? Well, I’ll tell you what we do:
We fucking follow David! Scrappy’s sister’s yelling shit from behind us “I’m telling on you!
You murdered my brother!” We’ve never seen that poor kid again,
that was it I don’t know what happened to him maybe the perverts in the porn shop,
they probably got him “Ah, there’s an alive one, get him!” So here’s to you, Scrappy-Doo book bag:
If you’re watching this, I’m sorry I mean, if you can even
fucking see anymore, that is I’m sorry that David was such a dick and
your face was mutilated in two different ways And I’m sorry that me and that maple tree
made the best tag-team duo since the Hardy boys http://www.brewstew.com/ This video is brought to you by teeblox.com If you like nerdy t-shirts,
like I do, check it out! They send you a t-shirt every month
with a couple other goodies If you like comics, movies, cartoon
or chicken nuggets, they got it! And it’s all just $12,99 a month Look at this Pikachu t-shirt I got, holy hell! I can’t wait to wear it
to my family reunion just to see that
disappointed look at my dad’s face http://teeblox.com/ And use the promotional code:
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100 comments

  1. BREW!!!! whats going on here bro!? Are you back for good?? youve been posting back to back so soon, this is such awesome sauce. where can we donate to you to keep these rolling out fam?

  2. โ€œMake out for this dog turdโ€ ๐Ÿ’ฉ ๐Ÿ•
    Dam that Mable tree saved the day ๐ŸŒณ

  3. Ok but I hope you can just give me the phone you have a good day and time works for you and we will be in the end of making videos when you get a fortnite noob I have to pay my videos suck it bech

  4. I want to punch David in the fucking face right now… Fuck David oh my God if someone did that and actually blinded me (if he was blind police would have come) if someone sprays that I would punch him so fucking hard

  5. itโ€™s okay bro i was confused why someone just sprayed my eyes with cologne and iโ€™m sorry i thought it was you

  6. Bruh, my first fight was pretty much the same thing ๐Ÿ˜‚

    In elementary school (2001, because the third movie came out that same year), Pokemon cards was really big and all the kids broke up into little gangs on the playground, and we would dual each other under a jungle gym like if it was some little fight club, and one day when we were at lunch, I was looking at my cards, planning out my strategy for the day, and this one kid comes out of nowhere, snatches my whole deck out of my hand, and runs away, so I do the most logical and reasonable thing any kid my age would do: I tell on him.
    I tell the teacher that kid stole my cards, so she forces him to give them back to me and gives him lunch detention for a few days as punishment.

    A "few days" go by and I'm at the playground, I totally forgot about the kid, and out of nowhere I hear him shouting my name, so I turn around and he's charging at me at full force, so I do what comes natural: I get out of the fucking way.

    The thing is, I was standing right next to a curb that separated the grass from the pavement (the pavement was raised like 5 inches above the grass), and the kid trips on it, and it sends his whole body flying in the air for a few good feet, and he lands face first into the pavement, and I get the hell out of there because he was lying there holding his face, covered in blood, screaming and crying in pain, and I wasn't about to get in trouble with any teacher that found him.

    I never knew what happened to him afterwards. I saw another kid running up to him, but no one ever confronted me about it, none of the teachers ever questioned me about it, and it was close to the end of the school year so I don't even think I ever even saw him again ๐Ÿ˜‚

    To this day I have no idea who he was specifically, but I've narrowed it down to him being either some kid I beat in a previous dual and tried to get revenge by stealing my cards, or (more than likely, since they were all still intact when I got them back) he was some poor kid that wanted to be part of the Pokemon crowed and just didn't have any cards of his own and saw no other solution but to steal mine, in which case…..I would have done the exact same thing ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

  7. My first fight was in second grade this kid hits me in the back of the head i turn around and punch him in the face,fight over, this was at school

  8. This is my first fight I was like 5 or 6 and this other kid about 7 or 8 and he pushed me I don't know why it's been years but I punch the crap out of this kid right to the nose and and my dad says yessssitdown and I got timeout for 5 mins which was like 10 years for like a 5 year old.

  9. I donโ€™t know how I missed this channel with all the YT cruising I do but I never hit subscribe so quickly. Hysterical stories

  10. Petition to get brewstew to make a diss track on the all Storytime Animators he can get his stick figure hands on.

  11. Ive accidentally sprayed my self in the eyes and saw my friend get sprayed in the eyes with my other friend all in one day.

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