5 MUST KNOW SIGNS of EMOTIONAL ABUSE – Mental Health talk w Kati Morton about neglect therapy stress


Today I want to talk with you, About the five signs of emotional abuse. So stay tuned. So like I said, Today I want to talk with you
about emotional abuse. I heard from many of you That this was a topic that you really
wanted me to dive deeper into. And the thing about emotional abuse. That I think is important to note. Is the fact that it’s really elusive. It can happen for a long period of time. Without us even knowing it’s going on. And it can damage us. Sometimes, and some therapists and
researchers believe. That it can be more damaging than Actual physical abuse. Because it can undermine what we really
think about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves. Our whole belief about who we are,
and what we’re going to do with our lives. And so it can leave these wounds. For years. Without us sometimes even recognising that
they are there. The first sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: Are they degrading you? Ask yourself that question. Like I said, often times we don’t
notice these things are happening. The way to know if this is happening. Is, are they putting you down in
front of others? Do they use sarcasm as a way to hurt you? And then when you speak up and say, ‘Hey, that really hurt’ They tell you that you are
being too sensitive. Do they make jokes at your expense? Do they ever negate how you feel? Like when you tell them that certain
things have made you feel a certain way. They tell you that you are
completely wrong or off base. Because each of these little
things that can happen. Add up to a really poor confidence. It can really eat away at how
we feel about ourselves. And our confidence when we
walk into a room. Because we are being put down in front
of people all the time. And humiliated. The second sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: When someone is dominating
or controlling your life. Now to that end. I don’t mean someone who is just
‘controlling’. I mean someone who belittles you. Who treats you like a child. Who may even control your spending. And they will, when you tell them
about plans that you have. And aspirations. They put them down. And make them seem so stupid and small. And they act like they are just
superior to you. And everything that you do. Is something that they have control over. You often feel. Sometimes I have patients
who have told me, That after time they even struggled To make very small decisions
without calling that person. Or getting a hold of that person. Because they’ve been under
their control for so long. They can forget how to even think
for themselves. The third sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: Accusing and blaming. Does the person in your life, Struggle to laugh at themselves? They never apologise. That would be ridiculous
to ask them to do so. Often these people will blame all of
their problems onto other people. They are never to blame. Never. They have no short comings. And they tend to highlight
your short comings. And make you apologise when
you’ve done nothing wrong. These people just tend to feel
that they do everything best. And if anybody questions that. Or puts them down. Or says anything criticising to them. They freak out. They completely lose it. The fourth sign or symptom
of emotional abuse is: Neglect. We all know these people. They give us the cold shoulder. They stone wall us. They give us the ‘silent treatment’ when
we have done something bad. Or we might not even know what
we have done wrong. And that is most often the case
when it’s emotional abuse. And I find this to be most common, In parent child relationships. Where the parent will ice out the kid. They will not meet their needs. Basic needs. They will stay in a locked
bedroom in the back. They wont come out. They will withhold affection or attention. Or sometimes I’ve even had parents say They are going to show up for
a play or something. And they don’t. Because they have done something wrong. And so this is how they manage it. And know that this is not a normal
type of punishment. This isn’t an okay way to
treat a child. This isn’t a way to parent. This is emotional abuse. The fifth sign or symptom of
emotional abuse is: Emeshment or codependence. Now the way to know that is happening. Is when someone doesn’t treat you like
a whole other person. They treat you as an extension
of themselves. They may make choices for you. They may make choices for you as a
whole cohesive group. They may share information with you, that is completely going through
boundaries that you’ve set up. It may be a parent that over shares about
their relationship with your step father. Or your father. Or your mother. Or somebody. They are sharing their sexual
relationship, possibly. I’ve had parents do this to
clients of mine. And it can be really difficult to take. Also this person tends to not take into
consideration what you want or need. They’ll say, ‘I’m doing what’s best for you’. Now I know parents will do that sometimes. And I don’t want this to be confused with
parents saying, ‘I’m not going to buy you that
$200 pair of shoes.’ ‘Because I know what’s best for you. You’re
going to be fine with this $50 pair of shoes.’ That’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is you actually
have needs or wants. Like, ‘I really would like to take this
class.’ Or, ‘It’s really important for me, that I
go to this university.’ Or see this friend. And they are like, No no. I know what’s best for you and you are
going to hang out with me all day. We’re going to do things together,
all day long. And these people have no boundaries
for like a parent child relationship. Or a friend to friend relationship. They tend to not see any seperation. They treat you as if you’re them. And you are one. And it can be really unhealthy. And really difficult for us to get out of
these relationships. Because it’s so palpable. They’re everywhere. They are in all of our business. And these people can even share our
business with other people. Because they feel it’s okay. Without going through us and making
sure we’re okay with it. They can share personal information with
others because, you know, We’re the same. So I figured since I thought it was
okay, you’d think it’s okay. Right. So there is no division. Now I hope this helps clear it up. I tried to break this down into sections, Because emotional abuse is this huge vast
bucket of things that can happen to us. And if you are worried. Or you think that this has happened to you. The most important thing you can do,
if you are under 18. Is speak up about it. Because emotional abuse is not something
that you have to tolerate. And it’s something that is reportable. I’m a mandated reporter
for things like this. Because, especially under the neglect. And the blaming and the shaming. And the enmeshment. The unhealthy relationships that parents
can have with their children. Can be detrimental to us in the future. So the sooner you speak up and
get support, the better. Now if you are a survivor of this. I hope that you are seeking therapy. And you are getting your own support
for this. Because we can overcome it. This doesn’t define who we are. Because this has happened to us. That doesn’t mean that our whole world is
sucked into it. And that we’ll do this to other people. Or we’ll only be in abusive relationships. We can get through it. The more we talk about it. The more honest we are about it. And talking about the details. And how hurtful things were for us. The faster we will over come it. I hope that you found this helpful. Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel. I put out videos five days a week. And you don’t want to miss them. Right. And as always. Leave your comments below. Let me know what you liked, didn’t like. Things that you want me to
talk about more. And if you like this video,
give it a thumbs up. And wherever you are on the internet. You can find me. So make sure you follow me on
twitter, tumblr, instagram, Whatever. Wherever you need me, I’m there. I’ll see you next time. Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 comments

  1. I literally had to pause almost every sentence because i could recall incidents that matched almost every since sentence you said. Thank you for bringing this to other peoples attention

  2. Realizing I was in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. You don’t know it’s happening when it is because in your eyes they’re perfect and can do nothing wrong. You are always the one who makes the mistakes and if you suggest that they did something wrong or ask for something more you are accused of being selfish and are eventually led to profusely apologize because of the guilt you feel. I felt crazy and inadequate for years, and I still do because of the gaslighting that happened to me. But through therapy and my friends I realized true situation I was in after it ended. It hurts because I still love him more than anything in this world and I hope and pray that he can become a better person because I know deep down he’s an amazing guy, but I feel like I can’t even look at him anymore. Emotional abuse can be hidden so well.

  3. I'm dealing with a lot of bitterness and begrudging feelings towards my parents and sibling over the emotional abuse that I experienced. How do I manage that? I have tried to distance myself and remove myself but that causes more anger from them, I have tried to mend the bridges and handle it with them but that makes me feel drained and anxious and generally ill. I'm stuck for what to do 🙁
    (I know this is a lot but like… I dont know where else I can ask and who else because everyone else is biased to either me or my parents and I just want someones opinion on what would be best in a healing point of view)

  4. I’m feeling like I go from one such relationship to the other – going back from my parents, through friendships and relationships, to my current relationship. It’s almost as if I’m actively looking for the emotional abuse.

  5. my mother denigrates me every day, slaps me every day, tells me that I'm fat, ugly, useless, that she wanted to have an abortion. Which is my fault if we live in a difficult economic situation because I often go to the doctor. Try to push away those I try to make friends. She tells me that I have to die or that she hopes that I die before her. I suffer from epilepsy. My father never protects me, he doesn't care. I can't run away or work. They both have police brothers. My mother is manipulable and convinces her neighbors that I have serious problems. They keep me in a cage although apparently I can go out but only under strict control and I don't have to let anyone know about my situation. and if I dare defend myself my mother becomes an unbearable beast. I'm 22. What can I do? pls give me all possible advice.

  6. My best friend’s mother tells her are all the time that she’s disrespectful and bratty and her younger brother gets everything (ex: she got a laptop and she always gets in trouble when she’s just using it and her brother isn’t or she had to wait a long time to get a phone and her brother is 6 and has a better phone than her) her mother will always tell my friend that everything is always her fault and makes her feel like her brother is superior her brother is violent and hits her and does very mean things and gets no punishment but when her mother is stressed she always tells jasmine to stop doing something and to let her brother and so now her mother is telling my friend that she’ll be isolated and have no contact with anyone and her entire family is ignoring her. Her mother normally tells her that when she wants to come to my house no you don’t care about your family your disrespectful etc and now she says that she can go over whenever she wants because she doesn’t want my friend at her own home anymore and that she can stay in her room all day when she’s not talking to me and she doesn’t have to have a family anymore she can be all alone and I want to help her but I don’t know how

  7. What if you are married and you are dealing with a spouse and I a family member that is like this?

  8. My so called Father did not want to hear anything I said. For example if the tv was on and I said anything about the show he would say "We don't need a running comintary or we don't need comments from the peanut gallery". Every thing I ever said was pooh poohed. He also said cruel things about my weight,he loved to lie to me and was always talking idle threats. Now I am stuck with Complex-PTSD, GAD, Disasociation, and agitated Depression. Thanks Dad. Even tho u r dead u r alive in my pea brain numb skull u need to wise up mind. Just another put down right So called Dad????? Please don't abuse ur children. They will grow up and be nothing but mentally ill. Thank u 4 reading this -Ronna Lyn also hitting ur child up side the head hard enough to stun them is not so good 4 them in the long run.

  9. My mother was like this to me, I was emotionally and physically abused and I thought this was normal for so long till I decided to move out when I turned 18. Ever since I was a little boy she would be abusive to me, also physically hit me with brooms, throw knives at me, hit me with a rubber hose. I was bullied at school a lot and it didn't help to come home and be bullied by mum, as a result I turned to food and I got really fat, and my mum continued to torment me about my weight. I never received any emotional affection from my mum, so I struggle to open up emotionally to most of the girls I get into relationships with. Its been 7 years since I moved out, I worked out so hard that I have the body of my dreams and have gotten emotionally mature but I still struggle to have meaningful relationships with girls. Its taken me almost a decade to figure out what was wrong with me and start recovering, I am no where better but I feel that I have over come some of the hardest moments in my life. The worst part is that my mum couldn't have any children so I was adopted from my dad's little brother, Its troubled me so much because I always wondered if my mum actually loved me and if she would if it was the other way around.

  10. I wasted my best years as a musician, playing with a former friend, because I felt so guilty at having success without that person being a part of it. Now I’m 43 and kind of disabled from another relationship of abuse. I literally destroyed my life to please a friend who would fit into most of these categories. If you are young and have dreams, passion and energy, but can feel or see that your friend/s won’t allow for it to bloom, end these relationships today. Believe me, once you hit 40+ and stop caring, you will do it anyway, but now with twenty years of important work time down the drain. I’m still coming back and I’m reaping my place in the world. Literally lying to everyone around me to not have people pound on me being unrealistic. Society expects you to have made it prior to 40, otherwise you are done for and do not have permission to succeed. Being dishonest to everyone, to have permission to not be pressured into stress, is stress in itself.

  11. The relationship between my mum and I is like is, I did not even see it until I did 6 months no contact and seeing a professional. My mum constantly wants control of our relationship, see shames me in front of friends and other people, I have had anxiety attacks and told I m to emotional when i confront her about the behaviour, the list goes on, but something that has helped me is understanding 'it is not about me' . and have decided enough is enough.

  12. my sis is the one who is bullying me saying hurtful stuff all the time trying to make me feel down and treating me like im a peace of shit i have always wondered why she hates so much the funny thing my mum loves her and adore her more than me even my sis beated me up several times

  13. I’m 21 and I’m not getting help. I’ve tried Therapy and they just bounce be from person to person. I’m trying a new one today but now my mental and emotional health is taking it out on my body. I’m underweight and my doctor wants me to be an impatient by the end of this month if I’m not at a good weight. My family keeps saying it cuz I don’t get out much yet it’s impossible for me to get out. Most of my friends and underage or have strict parents and my mom always has the car. Not only that but over my childhood years I’ve learned to fear everything cuz that’s what my Taught me to do. Recently I wanted to move to a different country and the first thing she says is “ you’ll get shot” “ I don’t what you to be a failure like your other sisters” and they have things good. I don’t have money and I don’t see how getting a job would work cuz I’ll be late for interviews and stuff cuz my mom takes totally control over the car. My grandparents have told her not to use so any miles and she just yells at them. And it’s my grandparents car. I understand my moms issue but at the same time it’s like she has no since that the rest of us have lives and stuff to do too. I honestly feel like my physical health is more important then my mental and emotional health but my mental and emotional health is where the problems are at. I feel completely ignored

  14. I cried so hard, this really opened my eyes. Omg Ive been living like this all my life and have been blaming everything on me. I thought I was the problems.

  15. And HOW does a parent change this, if they realise they have been abusive without even knowing it? 😥😩

  16. I can't fucking take this anymore. I can't even exit the house without a grumble or yell. They break me down and tell me they're not, and blame everything on me. I can't fucking do it. I can't.

  17. Wow I am so confused..
    My dad is exactly like this. He had a past full of betrayal and he is even enemies with his own siblings. He's parents never cared for him. He lost all his friends and even one Easter he said that "if we (my family) weren't there he would have no reason to live..) but he always blames us for everything! There's always something were doing wrong. I want to tell my friend about this but if the word gets out his life will be even more messed up. I can't confront him about how the way he's treating me hurts me and brings out my dark thoughys about suicide and self harm. But im afraid that he'll go insane and completely cut of all our spending money and after all I tend to overeact…

  18. My mom does all of this. Neglect used to be more so when I was younger and unable to speak back. My mom used to lock me in my room and put diapers on me when I was potty trained. I used t beat on the door and scream that I had to use the bathroom.she would just yell at me to shut . She tries to intimidate me and I don't respond to it and ignore her she gets mad. Im moving out at the end of this year, so I won't have to deal with it much longer. I'm so glad that I am strong enough to handle all of this, because I was suicidal at one point, but I pulled myself back in. Told myself it wasn't worth it. (I am in NO WAY saying that people who commit suicide are weak, just that if I had, it would have been because of weakness not because I couldn't handle it). there is a lot more, but this is the internet and I dont want to get too deep in a YT comment section.😂

  19. Listen, this might sound like a tall tail, but my mom was the main reason that I got depression at 9 years old.

  20. This is really late but my parents are divorced and they both found new partners. I love my step mom . But my mom found this guy and he's absolutely horrible to me. He puts me down everyday and makes me feel like I'm a piece of dirt. He cusses me out almost everyday. He never really talks to me unless he's telling me to do chores or I did something wrong once again. Nothing is ever good enough for him and I cry pretty much on a daily basis. I tell my mom about it but she can't do anything because she's scared of him. One time I accidentally bumped into.him in the hallway and he pushed me aside and said "if you do that ever again I'm going to shove you through the wall" and walked away. I need help but I don't want to talk to a counselor because Every time I think about it I cry.😭

  21. my mom's idea of punishment when I was younger, like 5 years old, was to lock me in a small bathroom, pitch black. terrifying.

  22. So helpful, I struggled with accepting that abuse can be emotional and that because I didn’t have any bruises etc it is still abuse!! I felt that I was just being over dramatic but that was not the case. Thankyou xx

  23. My parents mainly my mother does all these things to me. What do I do I'm only 14? I have spoken up to my parents about this they just yell at me and tell me to go to my room and they call me names. 😥

  24. Okay question, does this also apply to parents? Because I've done my research and I'm certain this is what's happening to me. But I can't bring it up or confront them because it's emotional and they'd take it as me being sensitive and acting like I'm a victim. They'd use it as a way to make fun of me for being weak. They've also told me that I have no opinion or choice in anything they tell me to do. Like all they say are commands and I'm supposed to just do them even if I don't agree with them and even when they're things that affect me. I'm 17 and I'm also not allowed to leave the house unless it's with them for something they want to do. I don't have money of my own or any close friends or relatives who I can talk to about this.
    So I'm basically forced to stay in the house with them while they make fun of everything about me and make me feel like I'm human trash. It exhausts me having to put up with all of this and since I keep it all in I have days where I have to go to the bathroom and lock the door and I just break down crying because it all just becomes too much to handle.
    I have social anxiety and depression because of this.
    Any ideas on what I can do to help myself without involving my parents?
    I'm a pretty positive person so I'm hanging in there and I always stop myself when I feel the suicidal thoughts coming. But it's becoming harder everyday to keep my chin up and be quiet hoping for it all to go away.

  25. The only symptom my parents don't have is sharing their relationship status. Rest of all what you said was apparent in my parents' behavior.

  26. The first 3 is literally how my wife treats me plus the cold shoulder when I do something she doesn't like. I suffer from major depression, and I just can't get out of my own head. I don't know what to do.

  27. I can't be around my mom because she makes me feel terrible about myself and what I do. She really does want to take over my future and loves guilt tripping everyone. I kinda only realised this year that she actually has been emotionally abusing my entire family except my little sister. It's kind of late to do anything though since I'm actually leaving the house because I can't stand her control

  28. What about when it's not outright… they don't degrade you or belittle you openly… But they just slightly ice you out, blame you for their shortcomings, etc. Is it emotional abuse? Or is it little enough that it's normal for everyone to do time to time?

  29. Reallly well explained. My adoptive home particularly my sister was always somewhat abusive, narcissistic, negligent and lacking in sense of boundaries.

  30. I been trying to hide the fact my dad abuses me but i cant stand it anymore. My dad is the reason why i want to die

  31. I hate my father. I wish he never even met my mother. How much shit we have been through because of him is just insane. He’s just bad luck.

  32. …..My….my mom is emotional abusive…..I never noticed before….I was recently admitted to a hospital because i tried to kill myself and I never understood why I hated myself so much….and all my friends and even my dad( they’re divorced) thought she’s emotionally abusive and I decided to learn a bit more about this and wow…I thought this was honestly how everyone was raised….I don’t know what to do now….I’ve tried to speak up to mom about this but at the same time I know my mom has been through a lot and I don’t want her to be in trouble and I feel like I’m always coming up with excuses but I love her so much and I don’t even think she realizes this is how she is…..

  33. OK I still don't know. My parents will degrade me but at the same time they will say nice things. It just depends on the days. They do control my life they will get me things and use it as a 'upper hand'. My dad gets really mad if I say 'I'm sorry' or he'll say "yes, you are." my dad and me will disagree and he won't talk to me for hours at a time. I can't make decisions without them either I always have to ask. But I still don't know if I'm being abused maybe it's really obvious or maybe I'm overreacting I just really don't know!!

  34. This is my father in a nutshell, he's done it for many years, screaming, cursing, etc. It all came to a head for me when he put his hands on me and tried to choke m twice.

  35. I have a passion of building with legos and other building toys. I’m 13 and my dad thinks I’m too old for them. It upsets me. I like showing my creations to my parents and they seem uninterested. Every time I have an interest that I want to show they don’t really care. My mom does that and after I say something’s he says I have an (attitude) and I get in trouble. After I say something about me not having an (attitude) I get threatened with (do you want to do this or that tomorrow) and I get upset. I cry easily because the way I am. I get told I’m (selfish) by my step dad. I need help. Plus I might have adhd but my parents don’t care

  36. My dad does this and he’s always like why are you so sad all the time and he gets really angry like hmm maybe it’s the fact that I hate myself because of you just a thought

  37. Thank you for this video my dad is always like this to me and I'm afraid to speak up because if I so he starts yelling at me and threatens to hit me I can't wait till I can move out

  38. My mom is always focusing on my flaws and it lowers my self-esteem and confidence. I even question my self-worth. Then, I confront her about how it makes me feel and she goes on a 10 minute rant about how I'm an ingrate. She plays the victim and says that she is "abused."

  39. The hardest part is the cycle. The constant fights but gong back because you’re so forgiving and loving. And they’ll act nice, not really apologize but tell you it’ll be better. There are times I’ve been hurt by something and would try to talk it out calmly and I’d get blocked and he’d somehow tell me I was crazy and disrespecting him. It’s been gong on for over a year and damn it kills your self confidence. I wish it was easier to move on and let go.

  40. arguing with my parents:

    •explaining my side: “stop giving excuses”

    •staying quiet: “dont you want to say anything”

    •saying sorry: “dont say sorry if you dont mean it”

  41. really the controlling and the accusing one is my dad…I'm tired of him I'm just tired of him…I just wish I could be with Jesus rn 😢

  42. My mom is mentally ill and I have a hard time differentiating if it's her mental illness or if she's doing it intentionally. I know my parents need my help and I'm an only child but I can't stand to be around her.

  43. This was so fucking helpful, thank you. My dad has been doing this to me my whole life, almost all the signs.

  44. Today My dad was trying to force me to meet his girlfriend after 3 weeks of dating her. He dated LOTS of women for over 5 years. Anyways me and my mom realized it’s not healthy for me to meet her and I disagreed with my dad. He yelled at me and said I’m gonna go to hell, that I’m crazy and that he hates me. I already had a low self esteem but that just about made it even lower. He even mentioned my grandparents dislike me. It’s all I think about now…

  45. I worry that this is me. Or was me, is still partly me?…I live with BPD and things have changed quite a bit over the last few years (for the better). I'm trying to be a healthier person.

  46. Are the parents who were abused in their childhod by their parents most likely to be abusive to their children?

  47. I'm only living at home to help my mum pay rent while my biological father (who I hate) is in jail. The problem is that I feel trapped now as my mother is emotionally abusive (which has gotten a lot worse recently), and I feel that if I just left I would be cutting myself off from the family completely as they'd blame me for making things financially hard, not to mention my younger brother has depression and I'm worried he would hurt/kill himself due to the stress of me leaving. I'm estranged from most of my family members now: "father", sister, older brother (recently). I mean what's the point of surrounding yourself with such negativity/abuse? I don't want to live my life like that. I don't believe you should forgive people just because they're "family". I'm mostly just worried about my younger brother.. What should I do?

  48. I didn’t see anything on helping someone leave an abusive relationship and knowing what to say or not say to them

  49. My emotionally abusive sister stonewalled me and ignored me, didn't look at me didn't talk to me at our own mothers funeral gathering.

    What a piece of work… i'm glad she's able to live with her self, being the hell creature that she is.

  50. My half sister's mom is completely enmeshed and codependent with her. She can not back the hell out of that shit and get her own life, it's completely messed up – she can't let my grown sister even order her own food and has to pry in her life when away at university, when away in her husbands city, she just has to get into everything and be part of it.

    It's so persistent and creepy and sick. I'm pretty sure this person was part the justification' for my father getting rid of me at age five.

  51. My mother does this to me everyday. I'm 35 and she constantly treats me as a 13 year old. I'm not sure I've been able to properly mature mentally. I still ask for ice cream even though I can take myself and get it. I ask permission for everything I want to do.

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