Hello and welcome to my channel A few days ago something happened to me. Something that already happened a long time ago I experienced something like that during and after a session with my therapist. 14 years after I finished High School I met my former class mates. There were really only two of them and some other friends on that class reunion They try to arrange this class reunion every year and some people attend them. So I have never been to such a reunion. For various reasons Maybe because I was friends with just a few of my former class mates. So I didn’t really miss them And the reason for that might be my transition. They knew me as a completely different person and I don’t want to awaken my past First of all for my own sake And so I met my former class mates We went to the Christmas Market, drank some mulled wine and had a really good time. At first I was worried about that we might not get along or not have a good conversation because we never used to talk back then But with them I really felt accepted I got the feeling that I went to the past And rewrote the past I met people who knew me but one of them said that he can’t remember He can’t recall my previous self Almost like it erased itself from his memory And now I am just a man for him The man I am supposed to be And no further questions asked As the evening went on we drank a bit more and I talked to this one guy and his friend who wasn’t my class mate and therefore didn’t knew me at all The three of us had such a good conversation that I had the feeling that I am really accepted into that male circle And there isn’t one topic they wouldn’t talk to me about through some kind of filter a filter I usually felt, when people saw me as a woman It’s very difficult to explain with words but I think that transgender people will understand what I’m talking about In the end of the evening they asked me how the transition was for me and how I knew I was transgender and since when I told them roughly in a few words That when I was a little boy, for the rest of the world I was a girl I just asked my mom when I’ll finally be a boy because obviously I wasn’t While I was telling them about the situation in which I asked my mom when I’ll become a boy and what is that why am I still not a boy and why can’t I wish for me to wake up and be a boy the next day in this moment I was that little kid again It was the alcohol and our very open conversation I had a feeling that in this moment I was in some kind of a hypnotized state In this moment I had the feeling that I was there again, in the past I saw my little childish body, I looked down on myself and asked “Why am I not a boy?” This really got under my skin that they both looked at me and they got emotional too This moment is just really hard to describe But I’ll tell you what it did to me After the reunion ended we all went home As I got home I hugged my sleeping wife and I understood that That I kind of went back to the present into the real Me Almost like I came up from some kind of 5th dimension or something like I went through a portal or something I hugged her and I just started to cry I cried for maybe 10 minutes, I couldn’t stop I just cried. She tried to make sense of what’s going on with me Then I told her it was very emotional for me I told her that I wish that I was JUST born a boy While I was crying I felt so sorry for all these lost years In this moment they seemed very lost to me my childhood my teenager years growing up to an adult from a teenager My first partner my first love all that just flew by like a movie I started to feel so sorry and sad about that My wife said that she loves me just the way I am and that if I wasn’t the way I am I wouldn’t be the person I am now that sounds so trivial but in the end it’s cool that I am the way I am But just for me this experience drinking with my former class mates sort of “time travelling” gave me a new perspective for myself It’s ok to cry like that, to be so sad because this kind of sorrow tends to build up and to let it all go So if you feel like crying – cry If you have someone who can stand by your side in such moment then that’s good if you don’t have anyone, feel hugged by me You have my deepest sympathy, I understand you I love you It’s ok to cry I’m sorry for the lost time but now everything is ok, everything is getting better Let’s accept ourselves the way we are!